(Closed) Wedding Party

posted 8 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 3
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee

I think he should have whomever he want to in the wedding and you should back off.  It’s his wedding too.

Post # 5
Member
3364 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s his groomsmen, so he should be able to pick who he wants and doesn’t want. There are some guys that I am not too fond of that my Fiance hangs or associates with from time to time, but those are his relationships. Im sorry that you are having issues with Mr. Butthole but you might just have to keep focused on the two of you, they are only going to stand up there. Be glad he doesnt have to do more than that, unless he is asked to.  And remember that you can’t “force” someone to see what you see in someone else, they have to figure it out on their own, and eventually he will, in his timing!

ADDED** And if someone is trying to intentionally “ruin” your marriage/wedding, then thats just sad and juvenile, he’s probably just jealous.  I dont believe anyone can do that without being allowed to by the other person, so set some boundaries!

Post # 6
Member
584 posts
Busy bee

I think if he’s truly a jerk and not supportive, it makes sense to not have him in the wedding. BUT if it’s just going to create more drama, you may want to suck it up and just deal with it. If they’ve been friends for a long time, it makes sense for him to be a groomsmen. I would attach strings, though–has your fiance confronted him about not being supportive? It could be a condition of being a groomsmen, ya know–“be nice to my wife and you can be in my wedding; otherwise you are welcome to attend as a guest.” Or you could just have a way small wedding party (maid of honor/best man only) or no attendants at all!

Post # 7
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

Honestly, it just sounds like man BS. So he said some stupid comments in the past and was a butthead. Plenty of my friends/family have done dumb things like that. I only talk to my BFF/MoH once a mo. b/c we’re both really busy. That doesn’t mean I don’t want her in the wedding.

I think you need to look at it from his perspective. If one of your friends acted jerky for a few weeks b/c they had concerns about your relationship, then turned it around later, would you want him to pester you about not having your friend in the wedding? Maybe he isn’t a high maintenance friend (doesn’t need to interact a lot to still feel close with his friends).

People make mistakes. People change over time. People put their feet in their mouths. If he really wants this guy in his wedding, let him. If he ends up not being friends with the guy years from now, you’re not going to look at the wedding pics and be like “ZOMG, there’s your d$%chey friend!” But if you don’t let him have his friend in the wedding, your FH might always remember that.

Post # 9
Member
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

I guess I misunderstood that he’s done more things to ruin the relationship than just being against you moving in together at first…

<<Confused

Post # 10
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Mr. Butthole sounds a bit immature. I think just about every guy has one friend that just rubs everyone else the wrong way (I know my Fiance has one). I think it’s very comforting that your Fiance is so loyal to his friend to want to include him. I totally see why you are concerned and wouldn’t want to include him though. It’s important to realize that your Fiance will figure it out on his own (hopefully sooner, rather than later and without really hurt feelings) and that is far better than you making the decision for him. Just try to be the super supportive fiance…your fiance will totally appreciate that.

Post # 11
Member
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@bellagio: Yeah, that’s what confused me as well. If he has actually outright spoken out against you guys being together, then I totally get where you are coming from. But if he was just against you moving in together, then I would have to argue that you can like your friend’s partner but not recommend that they make that step quite yet.

It sounds like it’s worked itself out, though, so I’m happy for you that you don’t have to deal with it anymore. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

How old are you? I agree with you on this topic, it just seems that this friend isn’t very mature – but you have to be sure to handle it in a mature way too.

Post # 15
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If you are secure in your relationship with Fiance then it should not matter who he has in his wedding party.   You should be able to trust your Fiance to make the right decisions and not listen to Mr. Butthole when he tries to convince him otherwise.   Really, you should not care that Mr. Butthole is even there unless you think he will do something to spoil the entire wedding. 

Post # 16
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@AuntPatchy: This. 

I’m doubt he’s ever tried to actively ruin your relationship.  Maybe it was some “keep your freedom” man-type crap that all of them say until they’re buying rings for their own girlfriends.  Even if he is out to destroy you for some reason, it’s not really up to you who stands on that side of the altar.  Your fiance likes him enough, and that’s what really matters. 

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