Post # 1
I need some help/advice in dealing with this situation….
I was married last year and so happy to have my best friend of many, many years be a huge part of my wedding as my Maid/Matron of Honor. This friend (who still introduces me to others as her best friend) is now engaged. She has decided to not have me in the wedding party at all. She’s instead decided to have two family members in her party (neither of whom she’s that close to, one she’s only met once).
I’m a big believer in that your day should be what you want and you should only involve those people you want to, because you want to. That being said, I’m very hurt by her decision. Any advice on how to still be excited about her big day and, more importantly, not let this affect our friendship? I couldn’t have imagined going through my wedding without my Boyfriend or Best Friend and this decision is making me really question how close we really are. Maybe insights from other brides who made a similar choice?
Post # 3
Picking your bridal party is such a tough thing, as I’m sure you know. Who knows what sort of family pressure she might have been put under when picking her bridesmaids? Maybe she picked family people to keep friends who expected to be picked from being upset?
Try to look at it this way: She’s going to be there to support you, and you get to support her without the little nitpicky things involved in being a bridesmaid. You can offer to help in ways a bridesmaid couldn’t, like setting things up when they’re busy with photos or makeup. I think that will go a long way toward showing her how much her friendship means to you.
I totally understand why your feelings are hurt, though. I don’t mean to invalidate that.
Post # 4
This is just a guess but maybe it has nothing to do with you personally. Maybe your Boyfriend or Best Friend was having a hard time picking 2 people and tried to go the route that she thought would hurt the least amount of feelings. By picking just family and no friends, friends aren’t left wondering why one friend was picked and others were not. If she had chosen you and 1 family member would other friends be hurt? If she had chosen just friends would the other family members be hurt? I have a tight knit group of best friends so I chose my cousin to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because I thought this would hurt the least amount of feelings. That way I’m not choosing 1 friend over another.
Post # 5
I agree with amysue. I only chose only family to be in my bridal party because by choosing to have even one of my good friends would mean I had to take them all, even though I am not that close to a few of them anymore. I am still including them all in everything from planning to showers, to decorating to the bachelorette, but there is no tension because of who was and wasn’t asked to be in the bridal party. All of my friends still plan on being there for anything I might need during planning and during the actual wedding.
Post # 6
The whole situation stinks. Big time. I totally understand where you’re coming from. And I would be totally hurt and sad.
But at the same time take a step back and realize that you can still be a big part of her wedding day! You can be the person she talks to when she can’t talk to anyone else because they are "involved with the wedding." You can help her pick the bridesmaids dresses and not have to worry about spending $200 on it or it being ugly! () You can be a part of the shower and the bachelorette party but not have to organize them, and rather just be a fun fun guest!
Try to be happy for her, and let her know that you are still there for her to talk as little or as much about the wedding as she wants. I know that I’ve only been planning for a few months and I already wish that someone would talk to me about something other than the wedding! Maybe you could be that person for her.
Post # 7
I can definitely understand being hurt by the situation. And if you’re very, very close, I’d bring it up with her – not confrontationally! Especially if you’re worried about it hurting your relationship in the future.
I can understand the bride, though – our wedding party was halfway decided for us (despite many arguments…) to include some family we just aren’t that close to. Plus our venue limits the wedding party size. Luckily we’re having a smaller wedding, and I’m definitely involving a lot more friends than just the wedding party! My guess is the bride got stuck in a similar situation.
Post # 8
Brides are always under pressure from outside sources on what they should and shouldn’t do for THEIR wedding. I am sure you understand this. If you are truly close it doesnt matter. I understand being hurt so maybe you should talk to her about her reasonings which may bring you peace of mind. If not then you should just smile, be there at the showers and the wedding and be her friend, nothing more or less.