(Closed) Wedding Party Advice

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Picking your bridal party is such a tough thing, as I’m sure you know. Who knows what sort of family pressure she might have been put under when picking her bridesmaids? Maybe she picked family people to keep friends who expected to be picked from being upset?

Try to look at it this way: She’s going to be there to support you, and you get to support her without the little nitpicky things involved in being a bridesmaid. You can offer to help in ways a bridesmaid couldn’t, like setting things up when they’re busy with photos or makeup. I think that will go a long way toward showing her how much her friendship means to you.

I totally understand why your feelings are hurt, though. I don’t mean to invalidate that.

Post # 4
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018

This is just a guess but maybe it has nothing to do with you personally.  Maybe your Boyfriend or Best Friend was having a hard time picking 2 people and tried to go the route that she thought would hurt the least amount of feelings.  By picking just family and no friends, friends aren’t left wondering why one friend was picked and others were not.  If she had chosen you and 1 family member would other friends be hurt?  If she had chosen just friends would the other family members be hurt?  I have a tight knit group of best friends so I chose my cousin to be my Maid/Matron of Honor because I thought this would hurt the least amount of feelings.  That way I’m not choosing 1 friend over another. 

Post # 5
Member
2027 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree with amysue. I only chose only family to be in my bridal party because by choosing to have even one of my good friends would mean I had to take them all, even though I am not that close to a few of them anymore. I am still including them all in everything from planning to showers, to decorating to the bachelorette, but there is no tension because of who was and wasn’t asked to be in the bridal party. All of my friends still plan on being there for anything I might need during planning and during the actual wedding.

Post # 6
Member
1379 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

The whole situation stinks. Big time. I totally understand where you’re coming from. And I would be totally hurt and sad. 

But at the same time take a step back and realize that you can still be a big part of her wedding day!  You can be the person she talks to when she can’t talk to anyone else because they are "involved with the wedding."  You can help her pick the bridesmaids dresses and not have to worry about spending $200 on it or it being ugly! ()  You can be a part of the shower and the bachelorette party but not have to organize them, and rather just be a fun fun guest! 

Try to be happy for her, and let her know that you are still there for her to talk as little or as much about the wedding as she wants. I know that I’ve only been planning for a few months and I already wish that someone would talk to me about something other than the wedding!  Maybe you could be that person for her. 

Post # 7
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I can definitely understand being hurt by the situation.  And if you’re very, very close, I’d bring it up with her – not confrontationally!  Especially if you’re worried about it hurting your relationship in the future.

I can understand the bride, though – our wedding party was halfway decided for us (despite many arguments…) to include some family we just aren’t that close to.  Plus our venue limits the wedding party size.  Luckily we’re having a smaller wedding, and I’m definitely involving a lot more friends than just the wedding party!  My guess is the bride got stuck in a similar situation.  

Post # 8
Member
36 posts
Newbee

Brides are always under pressure from outside sources on what they should and shouldn’t do for THEIR wedding. I am sure you understand this.  If you are truly close it doesnt matter. I understand being hurt so maybe you should talk to her about her reasonings which may bring you peace of mind.  If not then you should just smile, be there at the showers and the wedding and be her friend, nothing more or less.

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