Post # 1
My Fiance and I have really big families and have decided that we will NOT be doing plus ones unless you are married/engaged/living together. We simply do not have the space or the money…and we want something very intimate. Most of the people in our Wedding Party have expressed not needing dates because they will be busy anyway. My Maid/Matron of Honor is the only one with a date because she will be married by then. One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man assumed her boyfriend was invited although theyre constantly on-again, off-again…so, when I had to let her know that her boyfriend wasn’t invited (even thought she verbally invited him…-___-) she totally blew her top. Of course I told her well before even save the dates were sent out!
Basically…am I being a total ‘zilla for being kind of ticked that she’s so angry even though she knew the conditions? I just felt it was rude for her to invite him so early on and now making things awkward between us all because I basically had to uninvite him…although he wasn’t technically invited. I mean…am I wrong to not have plus ones?
Post # 3
@miss_jess: I think it’s rude for people to invite themselves to anything, let alone a wedding. Your Bridesmaid or Best Man knew there were no +1’s so I don’t understand why she’d even be upset. I’m allowing all of my guests to have +1’s, including my wedding party, but none of them want to bring their SOs, go figure.
Post # 4
you are not out of line, she is. you were clear on the situation to begin with and if she was unsure for any reason, she should have cleared it with you before saying anything to him. give her time to cool down and talk to her about it, expressing that it’s not personal and while you’d love to have everyone there, budget and venue capacity simply won’t allow it.
Post # 5
I totally get the no +1 unless you’re in a serious relationship rule…but I do believe an exception should be made for the bridal party. Especially if they are in a relationship, even if it’s on-again off-again…I’m guessing she is probably doing a lot for you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man (buying a dress, pitching in for the shower and/or bachelorette, etc.), and I think it would be nice to let her bring him. I always thought it was pretty standard to allow this for the bridal party.
Post # 6
I personally don’t agree with not giving the bridal party a +1, but I understand wanting an intimate wedding and controlling the cost and guest list…That being said, I think you handled it properly by letting her know right off the bat …hopefully she comes around! Good luck!
Post # 7
She obviously knew you weren’t for it if she jumped the gun and invited him before the save-the-dates even went out. To me, this seems sneaky and like she was just expecting you to make an exception for her by forcing your hand. That is pretty rude on her part, so even if it would perhaps be more polite to allow the bridal party to bring plus 1s, her rudenss really outbalances that! I get when people say that the bridesmaids do so much, they should be able to bring dates, but logistically it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me… I mean, they spend a large part of the wedding helping you with stuff and supporting you in different ways and socializing with guests and the rest of the bridal party. They have so many obligations, won’t their dates just feel ignored and kind of awkward? All of my bridesmaids brought their boyfriends but honestly it was kind of a sorry sight, the girls all at the head table and their lonely boyfriends, not knowing anybody at all, clustered together at the ‘plus 1 table’, without their dates. It was obvious that most of them would have been happier just to stay home!
Post # 8
Thanks everyone! Things have just seemingly gotten worse. She insists that I verbally invited him (I didn’t…) and I know she’s now just trying to force it. It’s caused a huge rift between us and she’s even gone to my Maid/Matron of Honor about it..who is my best friend and tells me everything. Honestly, I barely know the guy and I won’t be budging on my decisions…this is just so frustrating and I was hopeful that she would understand. I was wrong.
Post # 9
@miss_jess: So what if they move in or get engaged or even married before your wedding. Rules are great on paper, but can suck in reality. I am half way through our 17 month engagement and have a wedding party of 6. MoH became single, Bridesmaid or Best Man1 went from single to engaged and moving in, and Bridesmaid or Best Man2 is probably moving in. Bridesmaid or Best Man and his girlfriend moved in, Groomsmen1 got engaged, moved in, and got married, and Groomsmen2 is still single. In less thana year there has been that much of a shift that we found rules like yours hard to apply.