(Closed) wedding party death… and more death…how to cope

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
4 posts
Wannabee

My dad passed away a few months ago. I totally adored him and saw him every weekend. He got to meet my beloved SO and now we are planning our wedding for this year. Some days the thought of not having him at my wedding consumes me and breaks me down. All those special daughter father most of us have been waiting for all our lives simply can’t be anymore. Some days I feel life cheated me by stealing that from me. Some days I feel grateful I got such a wonderful dad and a great childhood with him. Some days I’m grateful he didn’t suffer and it was all relatively fast. 

 

I say this just because I really think there is not much you can do to feel better. Losing loved ones and grieving suck really bad and can be a B*#ch. Some days you’ll probably be absolutely overwhelmed and super sad/depressed and some days you’ll feel a bit better. Some days you’ll feel starting to have a sense of normalcy in your life again. I’d say let it be. Whatever you are feeling, let it be. There will be better days. Be kind to yourself and don’t force yourself to hide your feelings under the rug. They’ll still find their way out and in an ugly way. 

 

If it gets too hard or you feel like it’s too much to handle, please visit a therapist if you can. 

 

And on those days when you feel like sh*t, take a deep breath, go home and just get through the day. Push whatever needs to be done for another day if you can. Your mind and body need rest and down time to recover both emotionally and physically. It can be draining and exhausting.

 

I wish there was some magic trick to make us feel better but theee isn’t :-/. Just time.

Edit: just edited because I posted in a hurry from phone and there were so many errors that you could barely understand some parts of the post. 

Hugs

 

Post # 18
Member
6014 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

Take the time now and grieve.  Really take some time and do it.  Put the wedding planning aside for a week or two, and  If that means bawling for hours.. .do it.  Write down the things you remember about them, you will forget as time goes by.  

 

Then get busy on the wedding planing.  I know it seems impossible.  My younger brother had his wedding scheduled for August.  In June our older brother found out he had Hep C that had progressed to Stage 4 liver cancer.(it’s called the silent killer, Dr. said if over the last 25 years he had gotten a 2min blood test he never would progressed so rapidly) Our older brother was so excited our younger brother was getting married.  My older brother died two weeks before my younger bros. wedding.  It was both horrifying and amazing.  The same people that had been at the funeral helping us say goodbye to one brother, were there at the wedding to help us celebrate another brother.    

If you are religious or not … just take some time.

Post # 19
Hostess
8146 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

I attached a locket to my bouquet with peoples photos that SHOULD have been there. I hope you find some peace.

Post # 20
Member
849 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I have had two grandparents die within the last few months due to cancer, and I had really wanted them to be able to make it til my wedding. My grandpa actually said (not to me, but I heard about it), that his one regret was that he didn’t see me or my sister (his only grandchildren) get married and make sure we were taken care of.

I miss them both so much, especially my grandfather who was like a kindred spirit to me. I think there are ways you can honor your loved ones at the wedding, but I know you’re asking how to cope with this before that actual day. For me, I’ve found that you have to talk to others who are going through the same things as you (your family) about how you feel and get it out–don’t bottle up your emotions. Take a break from wedding things for a bit, and then when you feel a little better, try to focus on the happy things again, whether that be your relationship with your Fiance (mine has been extremely supportive), or helping someone else with a problem they have.

Although I still think about them every day, the pain also gets easier with every day. I’m not sure if you’re religious, but my peace that they are resting now and my hope that I will see them again one day helps me so much.

Post # 21
Member
23 posts
Newbee

@AndysCraftsNmore:  On the evening of my brother and J (sister-in-law)’s wedding rehearsal (1 week before the wedding) her brother and dad were in a fight so to make sure no attention was pulled from her, he skipped. My own brother called me, in tears, trying to find our mom so he could talk to her & ask her to meet them at the hospital (I think she was asleep) & he told me J’s brother had been in a motorcycle accident and was killed. J’s family was obviously devistated and they buried him that week, i still feel awful for J’s dad, to have been the reason he wasn’t at the dinner over a normal silly argument & to never be able to apologize :/ anyways, J & my brother still married the next week, as planned, but she cut her hair off to right above her shoulders (her brother liked it that length best) & I told her 2 years or so later how I was really amazed she was strong enough to not push back the wedding and she told me “my brother wouldn’t have wanted that & to your brother and I it wasn’t about us it was about God & committing to him together” I’m not religious but I found that touching.  This is my only experience in this kind of situation. Sorry I couldn’t be more help, I am sorry for your loss though, I’ve lost my best friend who might as well have been my brother and my SO’s brother was murdered a few years back, loosing a sibling is difficult but I know for my SO he knows he isnt in any pain anymore and he takes comfort in that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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