- 9 months ago
- Wedding: August 2019 - City, State
Hi! So, I have an issue and need advice. It’s kind of complicated, so bear with me.
Background: My FH and I grew up in two different cities, and we now live in a third city. Our hometowns are an hour and a half away from our home, in different directions. We each have friends in our respective hometowns, and then we have a large group of “our” joint friends in our current city.
As his groomsmen, he wants to have his brother, his first cousin, and 2-3 friends from his hometown, having 4-5 groomsmen. He doesn’t want to have any of our group of friends from the city where we live now because he wouldn’t be able to pick just SOME of them without hurting feelings, and it’s a large group. If he used all of the closest ones we see weekly-ish, that would make us end up with ~13 groomsmen, so that’s almost certainly a no. However, I only have 3 close friends from my hometown. They are all included as bridesmaids already. I am not close to any of my first cousins like he is to his, and I’m an only child. I have become close with 3 girls from the group in our current city; they are all girlfriends/wives of guys in the group. I’m especially close to one of them and really would love to have her there with me on the big day.
Here’s the heart of the issue:
– If I ask her, will the other two girls from our current city be hurt? If I ask two of the three from our current city, will the one I didn’t ask (who, admittedly, I am not as close to) be hurt?
– If I ask her and FH doesn’t ask her man to be a groomsman, is that hurtful to her man? He is a sweetheart and a good friend and I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Similarly, if I ask two of the girls, would that be rude to both of their men?
I could ask FH’s sister, but she still lives in his hometown. I really like her, but we aren’t close, just because we don’t see each other often. I’ve asked FH what he thinks, and he had no idea. My mom said nothing but, “You’ve got a couple of months to decide!” My 3 hometown besties basically said, “It’s your day, do what you want.” I have no idea what to do and would really appreciate any advice you guys can offer!