- 6 years ago
- Wedding: June 2013
My fiancé and I have always dreamed of having a small, non-traditional wedding at a waterfall we’re very fond of. When we got engaged, he asked his best friend, who was there at the engagement, to be his best man. To be honest, I didn’t necessarily want a bridal party with such a small wedding and our specific location. Not a big deal, we talked about it and decided on having one attendant each. I asked my best friend, who is also a great friend to my fiancé, to be my Maid/Matron of Honor.
My Maid/Matron of Honor lives in another state and I wanted to see another friend as well when I was in the area for a short time to try dresses. Quite a few people had advised me that it wouldn’t be a big deal to ask my non-bridesmaid friend to tag along, that she’d be happy to go. Unfortunately there was a miscommunication between my Maid/Matron of Honor and I and she had a family party during the time we were supposed to go, so I went with just my non-bridesmaid friend. I didn’t tell my friend that she was not a bridesmaid (because I thought that would be rude) but I didn’t ask her either. When we got to the bridal salon, I had to register with the salon and answer a bunch of questions about my wedding with my friend by my side. I tried explaining to the woman that we hadn’t gotten very far in the planning. When she asked how many bridesmaids I had my friend blurted out, “Oh it’s just me so far!” Fortunately my mother had given me some advice on people assuming they are invited, etc., to your wedding. So when we got a chance alone I told her that I was so flattered that she wanted to be a bridesmaid but that we just weren’t that far along in planning and that since we are having a small wedding we may not have a bridal party at all but that I would love for her to come celebrate with us. She seemed to me to take it very graciously and was very understanding about it. However during the time there it became apparent to me that she has a completely different view of my wedding and how weddings should be (i.e. Mine is non-traditional, rather casual and outdoors – she was thinking chapel trains and ballrooms for me).
Also due to some recent circumstances, my fiancé wants to include his brother and my brother in his party and I’d like to include my SIL. However, this would leave me with one less bridesmaid then groomsmen. My fiancé also wants to pay for his brother and best friend to come since they are both still in college. I am not crazy about the idea since we have a very small budget but it is very important to me that they be there, and if it could count as their bridal party gift then I’d be more ok with it.
Recently I was talking to my non-bridesmaid friend and she mentioned that she’d take her on-again/off-again boyfriend (whom I’ve never met) to our small, destination wedding when we are not offering people who are unmarried or not both friends of ours to our wedding (We have a 50 person max at our reception venue). Since we were on the phone, I just changed the subject on that one. I know that she struggles to support herself financially and I wouldn’t want her being a bridesmaid to be a burden on her (or us, if we are paying for the bridal party to be there!) There is also a decent chance that she will be over 10 hours away when the wedding occurs, making it even harder for her.
I’m growing a little frustrated with her assumptions about my wedding but I want her to feel included, especially if she sees that I have one less bridesmaids then groomsmen. Do I have to ask her to be a bridesmaid?