(Closed) Wedding Party Drama – HELP!! (sorry, it’s a bit long)

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you’re right.  Your Fiance is the one that will have to confront him.  You both don’t want him in the wedding (I’d feel the same way) but he’s only involved because of his relationship with your Fiance.  I can understand why your Fiance doesn’t want to discuss it, there most likely will be a bit of tension if not a full fledge conflict but it seems it can’t be avoided.  Just make sure you don’t throw your mutual friends under the bus, like don’t say, “well Johnny told me that you said we shouldn’t be married….”.  I’m sure he wouldn’t do that but sometimes things slip out!  I just don’t see how you’d be able to just not send the invite without the friend eventually questioning him, and then there is the drama you were hoping to avoid.  Jeesh, good luck!

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

You and your Fiance seem to be on the same page about this, so that’s a step in the right direction.  I think not sending him an invite might come off as rude (don’t take that the wrong way).  As much as I am the queen of hiding from a bad situation, my honest advice would be to have your Fiance talk with him about his concerns.  If the Usher truly does not support your marriage, then I would not want him to be a part of my wedding day. 

I can’t imagine how hard of a conversation this will be for your Fiance to have with what used to be a close friend, so I’d say support him all you can, but this needs to be done.  The good news is, you do have some time, so help your Fiance think out what he wants to say before he has “the talk”

Post # 5
Member
330 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

Man, that stinks!  I’m sorry you’re going through this. 

In My Humble Opinion, you need to formally disengage this guy from your wedding.  Not sending him an invite is childish.  What if he shows up anyway? No, I think you guys should talk to him together – as a united front.  If you talk to him alone, you will just be adding fuel to the fire about how you’re controlling Fiance, etc. etc.  Fiance should handle it because it is his friend, but at the same time going to him as a couple will reinforce that it’s both of your decision and perhaps make it easier for Fiance to handle the confrontation with you by his side. 

I would simply tell him that in light of the opinions he’s recenlty broadcast about your relationship and his feelings about your wedding, you would prefer not to have his negative energy at your wedding.  And since he doesn’t want to be around Fiance, he does not have to participate in or even attend the wedding. 

Fiance should be prepared to lose this guy as a friend, and you should both be prepared for him to talk even more smack about you guys behind your backs to your mutual friends…

Post # 7
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

I would agree about sitting down and talking with FI’s “friend”. I recently had a Bridesmaid or Best Man issue and thought about dis-inviting her to be a part of the wedding party, but after we sat down, a lot of things came out (99% of them had nothing to do with me or my wedding), and that would have NEVER happened if I had sent an email or an invitation and wated for her to “assume” her responsibilities.

What he said, in regards to you being “wrong” for eachother is completely disrespectful. If he has something to say to you, or Fiance, he shouldn’t be talking behind your backs. Hopefully it was a misunderstanding and will be straightened out. And if not, you definitely don’t need someone like that around on a day that’s all about the love and support of your closest friends and family. Best of luck!! 🙂

Post # 8
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Careful here: it seems like you might be jumping to conclusions, IMO.  It sounds like you heard through the grapevine a lot of things that may or may not be true.    Before you end a friendship by kicking him out of the wedding, perhaps you should both sit down with him and find out what is going on.  Maybe he really needs a friend to talk to…

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Greenbee beat me to the punch.  I agree I think you shouldn’t jump to conclusions.  Remember there are a lot of people out there whom for whatever reasons like to Stir the Pot.  So I would ask the Fiance to give him a call and just see how he’s doing.  He will be able to tell if there is a problem and address it if needed.

 

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