Post # 1
A couple weeks ago my friend had her stag & doe (party the bride and groom put on to raise money for their wedding). The wedding party is supposed to work games, and be behind the bar serving drinks, etc. Problem was….only me and one of the guys in the wedding party was actually doing what we were supposed to! Two people in the wedding party did absolutely nothing (didn’t help with set-up, didn’t work at all for the event, just basically partied the whole night with the guests, didin’t help clean up at the end of the night). Another person in the Wedding Party left her boyfriend to take care of her station while she sat with her friends all night. I’m not even the Maid/Matron of Honor and I feel like I did EVERYTHING – was there alllll day helping set up, worked at a station for most of the night, notified people of when the food had to go out (but family was awesome helping with putting that out!), ran all the big games (or else they wouldn’t have got done), cleaned up at the end of the night (with the help of family). Like honestly, I’m just upset that it seemed that me & one of the guys had to run the whole night, I talked to my friends for maybe 20mins, and then was working the rest of the night. And the bride and groom got absolutely wasted, so they were no help with any of the decisions that had to be made. It’s also frustrating to me because the Maid/Matron of Honor and one of the other members of the bridal party has done nothing for other things too….seems to be me and one other bridesmaid taking care of everything! I’m just fed up with this whole wedding and can’t wait for it to be done honestly.
I guess I just needed to vent! The wedding is at the beginning of May, so I guess I’m almost there! My wedding isn’t until next year (July), but I’m taking notes now on what to do and what not to do! I know I won’t be getting as drunk as they were at my stag and doe – it’s no help to the wedding party, that’s for sure!Anyone else run into these sorts of problems? What did you do?
Post # 2
MyNameIsSunny: Maybe the other bridal party members don’t agree with the whole use your bridal party as unpaid labour for your fundraiser thing? Or maybe they felt put out if the bride/groom demanded that they throw this party for them?
I get being upset but you can not control what others do. So wasting energy getting upset about something you can’t control or change is just that a waste and will only lead to you feeling more and more put out.
Post # 3
Here is a big note for you to take: Your wedding party isn’t your slave labor.
Post # 4
Sounds to me like this bride and groom had unrealistic expectations of what a bridal party is for. I have to say I would be pretty annoyed and not too cooperative if I was expected to help raise money for someone else’s wedding. It is a testament that you ar a good friend that you went along with this. That being said it seems that in bridal parties there is ALWAYS one or two people that do all the work and everyone else lags behind. You should decide now how much you are willing to do. Seriously, I have had the personal experience that being in someones bridal can ruin a friendship if you don’t set boundries early. Don’t let it happen to you!
Post # 5
I realize you’re not from the US. It’s not your wedding why put yourself out like that if the people who’s wedding this event was supposed to raise funds for didn’t give a crap. I would have gotten wasted with the rest of the party.
Post # 6
MyNameIsSunny: It really helps in threads like this if you explain that this is a common practice where you live. Otherwise, you get the all knowing Bees posting simply to tell you that stag and does are wrong, not deal with the issue on your post. Some Bees have a hard time understanding that the rest of the world does not necessarily do everything the way that it is done in the US.
There’s really nothing you can do about the lazy wedding party members. It happens in all situations in life. There will be the worker Bees and the Queen Bees.
Post # 7
Stag & does are common where I’m from too, we had one for our wedding. However, I had a few drinks but didn’t get drunk and helped out with the games, drinks etc. Our friends always say “no the bride and groom don’t work at stag and does, go drink!”, but I would’ve felt bad leaving my wedding party to do everything while I sat back and drank! Also, it sucks that only 2 of you had to do basically everything!!! I feel for you, I had a similar situation just recently being in a wedding party and I know how frustrating it can be! I wouldn’t offer to do anything else, let the Maid/Matron of Honor ask you for help!
Post # 8
Wow first of all, I think its pretty amazing that people have this pre-wedding fundraiser. Who wouldn’t want to? I also admire your commitment to your freind. I happen to think that bridesmaids should be your closest friends who trully have your best interest at heart. With that said, I do believe that BMs should work during the wedding if such work is needed. Its not slave labor, its helping a friend……something people don’t know much about these days. If one of my friends knew that I wasn’t that financially well off and can’t afford certain things at my wedding and would therefore need their help and they bailed on me, I’d question our friendship. If you are not there for me when I need you, then why do we know each other.
I think you should realize that your friend knows or will eventually know that you helped the most. Even if she was drunk, others weren’t. Her family members saw you working. Don’t get so caught up in what others are doing. I know its hard not to because them not working means you have to do more. But I would like to say that what you do for your freind’s wedding is about you and her and your friendship.
Post # 9
Regardless if this is a common practise or not, if you sign up to help, HELP! I know i would do everything and almost anything for my friends, and if this was for a wedding event and I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man or not, I would help. But at least you MyNameIsSunny: know you did everything you could, and hopefully the bride see’s that and appreciates that. Dont let the things that are out of your control bother you, just wasted energy. Good On you. One thing i have learned is that you cant have expectations of anything!
Post # 10
Stag and does arnt common where Im from, but i know people from other places that do them all the time. It sounds like a ton of fun to me =D It sucks when people dont do their fair share, but there are good reasons I always hated doing group projects in school. One person always did all the work, and that person was always me. Theres really no way of getting people to help when they dont want to. Just try your best, and do what you can, and dont push yourself. Its not your responsability, its the brides. It sounds like it went very well though!