Post # 1
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
Bit on the fence about having a wedding party at my (26/F) and fiance’s (29/M)’s upcoming July wedding. Hoping for advice and I’d love to hear from people who didn’t have a wedding party and how it went, if they’re happy with the decision, etc.
I’ve moved around a lot these past four years- east coast, west coast, south, back to the west coast, and finally to the pacific northwest. I regret that during all of this, I didn’t keep up with my friends like I should. Work, life and conflicts have pulled me apart from some of the people I used to be closest to.
As a result, I’m not sure who I would ask. Two of the close friends I was thinking about asking already told me they cannot make it due to family conflicts. I have friends I could ask who would happily step up, but I feel that emotionally, I should have ladies that I know are going to be in my life for a good long time (if not forever).
My fiance, on the other hand, has two best friends he’s known for a huge chunk of his life. They’re both really kind hearted, authentic guys. Fiance been a groomsman and best man in their weddings. I know he would like to have them as his groomsmen/sort of a co-best man role. The only reason I’m even considering a wedding party is because I genuinely like both these guys and know fiance would want to have them beside him.
Another option: my fiance has two sisters. One can be very dramatic, loud, obnoxious and a little lacking in social graces and the other is incredibly sweet. They are definitely coming and would be thrilled to be bridesmaids, but I’m not wild about having the dramatic sister and cannot ask just one sister without asking the other.
I’m really torn as to what to do and know I need to lock this down as soon as possible to ensure getting dresses on time and getting the right quotes for hair and makeup. I would love any advice you have for me, even if it’s critical or honest.
Post # 2
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee
backtothestart: My husband and I opted not to have a wedding party. We had your problem in reverse; we were getting married far away from my husband’s college friends and my husband was working abroad at the time, so coordinating groomsman would have been difficult. Also, I had many family and friends to choose from, as well as three future sisters-in-law, and we decided it would be easier just to do without. For the actual ceremony (it was religious), we had our oldest sisters act as witnesses, but they didn’t process in or carry bouquets or wear matching dresses.
I really loved not having a wedding party, because it was just more details that we didn’t have to worry about, and all of our friends/family that would have been in the wedding party just got to come and have a good time.
If witnesses are required for the ceremony, would you be okay with just having FI’s friends? Also, something to keep in mind is whether or not you would expect bridesmaids to go with you for dress shopping or throw a bachelorette. I didn’t purchase a dress (heirloom), extended family/friends threw a shower, and my older sister put together a small bachelorette party (without prompting/requests from me). Definitely consider if you will miss the potential support of a wedding party.
Post # 3
Member
2125 posts
Buzzing bee
backtothestart: I didn’t have a wedding part and I LOVED it. I was in a similar situation in-that I don’t have any close, close girlfriends who live nearby, but too many acquaintances to ask all of them. My fiance and I decided to make the wedding just about us – not about putting on a play where the characters had to look a certain way and stand in a particular place. I feel like it made planning less stressful, and made the ceremony feel more authentic.
I’m also of the mind-set that your bridesmaids don’t help you plan, they just show up on the day of to support you. So I didn’t feel like I was lacking anything during the planning process. My friends were still willing to chat with me about wedding stuff and seemed genuinely interested. The ONLY thing I didn’t “get” was a traditional bridal shower/bachelorette, because I didn’t have a bridal party. But truly, your wedding isn’t about the bridal shower, and now that I’m married I really don’t care that it didn’t happen in the traditional way.
My wedding was perfect and I wouldn’t go back and change it for the world.
Post # 4
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
ronmcdon: Thanks for the advice and good to know I’m not the only one with an uneven number of folks. I wouldn’t mind having FI’s friends as our witnesses, or having his sisters or my cousin. As for the typical wedding party responsibilities, I’ve already bought my dress and don’t mind throwing my own (very small) bachelorette with whoever can make it into town the Thursday before the wedding. Don’t need a shower. I think the only thing I’ll miss is the planning support– I feel a little bad leaning on people for help without giving them a “title” for it. But maybe people just want to help and would rather save the money they’d spend on a bridesmaids dress/not have to deal with it?
Post # 5
Member
1733 posts
Bumble bee
We are doing one best man and one Maid/Matron of Honor. Honestly it’s the best decision we have made thus far. I am full of stress and anxiety, so I cannot fathom having wedding party stress on top of it.
Post # 6
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
Soon2bmrs1: I think you’ve echoed exactly what I want! Because the issue isn’t that I don’t have friends or family who would
love to be bridesmaids, I just don’t have people who I feel very, very close with at this time in my life. Nobody’s fault, that’s just the way the cookie crumbled. I don’t need any of the traditional things like a shower and I’m fine with planning my own small bachelorette (probably at a wine bar, no big night out or dancing!) Happy to hear you have no regrets and are glad you did it that way!
Post # 7
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
bibber: I would love to do that, but Fiance has two guys he couldn’t pick between. So we would have two best men and one Maid/Matron of Honor. In the end, it probably doesn’t matter 🙂 Maybe that’s the best way to resolve this.
Post # 8
Member
251 posts
Helper bee
Not having a bridal party was one of the best wedding decisions we made! We thought about having a small party or just a best man and maid of honor, but we didn’t want pick and choose which friends to include, nor did we want the extra stress. The friends we wanted to have with us that day were there anyway, just not in specified outfits and they didn’t have to stand up with us during the ceremony. DH still got to hang out with his best pals before the ceremony, and I had my closest friends getting ready with me as well. It was a very personal, team effort kind of wedding day, and I think everyone we might have chosen to be in a wedding party felt loved and included despite the lack of titles.
Also, as a side note, no one ever asked us about that decision. I thought people might think it was an odd choice, but no one seemed to really notice or care!
