(Closed) Wedding party paying for their own dinners?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Oh that is horrible! Are they also planning on giving a gift? I hope not!

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I have a friend that was invited to a wedding where they included in the invite they would prefer people pay $50 for to cover their dinner in lui of a gift.  At first I was horrified but after thinking about it, it’s really no different than asking for cash or asking for money for a honeymoon or registering. You’re still asking for something and specifying what you want.

That said, I think asking for the bridal party to pay for their dinners is a bit rude – they were asked to be a part of the wedding and then charged for it?! Do you know if it is just the bridal party being asked to pay or the entire guest list?

I think if that is the gift the bride and groom want – then thats fine, but asking people to pay and not giving a reason why or not spelling it out that your paying for your dinner is your gift, is pretty bad!

Post # 5
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

That is pretty bad.

Post # 6
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Wow, that is bad… I have never heard any thing like this before.  Why are they having a dinner that is $100 per plate when the bride and groom wont even pay for it?  That is crazy!  Are the bride and groom paying for Bridesmaid or Best Man & Groomsmen attire and possible hotel/travel fees?  

I just don’t get it… why would they do this? 

Post # 7
Member
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Completely tacky!!

Post # 8
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

I would find it really rude! 

I usually give monetary gifts that covers my seat at the wedding but asking for it is a little odd.  If they were strapped for cash and requesting guests and their bridal party to cover the cost of the food/seat at the wedding – they should’ve picked a place that is less expensive.

I would be totally turned off if the bride/groom asked to pay for my seat, I’d probably consider not being a part of it.  I could very well afford it but that’s beside the point!

Post # 9
Member
2434 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

That is incredibly rude!  You aren’t a wedding guest if you’re paying your own way!

Post # 10
Member
497 posts
Helper bee

i vote rude.  You wouldn’t invite someone to your house and then ask them to pay for their dinner.  Ever.  A wedding is no different.

Post # 11
Member
1490 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Oh no! And it’s supposed to be an honor to be part of the wedding party?

Post # 12
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sorry to ask but do you know what culture they are from?

One of my co-workers is from Cambodia and she is getting married in October.   She told me that is traditional for her culture to have a huge wedding but that everyone contributes to it.  She is having 350 people and a sit down dinner that will cost about $100 per person.  She said it was fine because guest are expected to pay for their dinner in envelops that are placed in everyone’s place setting and they usually have to leave an extra $20 for the couple.

This is the only thing that came to mind when I read your post.

Other friends of mine said something similar.

 

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Sweet Tooth- that cambodian tradition is strange, but interesting. Is she having a wedding in the states, and will her guests know of it or is it in Cambodia?

I would say if you’re making your guests pay, why even have a wedding? Throw a cocktail hour or something you CAN afford. 

Post # 14
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Wow, that’s horrible! Like I said, I could see MAYBE if they were asking for the cash in lui of a gift and the price of the plate was reasonable, but even so, suppose the couples can’t afford $100 each! I know when we go out to dinner we don’t pay that much.

And why punish the wedding party, who already have to pay for dresses and tuxes and travel?

Post # 15
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

OH wow. Seriously?! How awful. I wont even echo all the responses above

Post # 16
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

 

MoSnow …

she is having the wedding in Souther California (I think in LBC)  There is a huge Combodian population here and other people I’ve talked to have confimed that the tradition is true.   We were talking about our weddings and she told me, "Oh, we are serving lobster and filet mignon etc." and she said it like its no big deal. WOW!! 350 people and they pay their own way!! Nice!!  

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