Wedding Party Problems

posted 2 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
3263 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Why would you invite anyone else on your honeymoon? When you invited them did you tell them up front that what you were expecting them to chip in or were you hoping they would decide to on their own? If some invited me to a cabin they already rented and didn’t mention me paying I might assume they were being overly generous. 

Post # 3
Member
48 posts
Newbee

I don’t understand how they can be planning to stay for your whole honeymoon in your cabin. Is your Fiance supportive of that and you two aren’t on the same page?

Post # 4
Member
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

What does your fiance think about all of this?

Post # 5
Member
1327 posts
Bumble bee

With stuff like this, you either ACTUALLY change your plans and go to Paris or something so that the groomsmen can’t follow you (which doesn’t solve the money issue at all), or you behave maturely and assertively and tell them “No.” The cabin is only open to others for these very specific dates. They’re acting like children, so treat them like a good mother and tell them no. 

I don’t know how to teach anyone to be assertive; if you’re taken advantage of enough, you eventually learn to do it. And this is your honeymoon–it’s probably a good time to learn RIGHT now. 

Additionally, if they’re being total cocks about paying for stuff, then all the more reason to put your foot down. You have bigger fish to fry financially, it seems, so “grow a pair,” as it were, and YOU tell them how it’s gonna go at YOUR wedding. 

Easier said than done, but totally, completely, entirely doable. 

Post # 6
Member
47252 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

thefurturemrs2018 :  Your wedding party is 20% of the whole guestlist.Perhaps that is part of the problem.

Is it normal where you live for the BM’s and groomsmen to pay or their own attire? If it is, and the groomsmen don’t want to pay for their attire, you can offer to have them attend as a guest.

I’m afraid I don’t understand the issue re the cabin. Are the two of you staying in the cabin before the wedding and want the wedding party to join you after the wedding? If so, that seems a bit strange. Whatever, if they aren’t prepared to cover the additional expenses of being in the wedding party, they have the option to step down.

Post # 9
Member
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

“Sorry, that isn’t going to work for us.  We can’t accommodate you until xxx date.”  And if they won’t pay for their suits, then they attend as guests, simple.

Post # 11
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

thefurturemrs2018 :  “Gradually escalating” only happens when the people in charge aren’t being clear.

Post # 14
Member
48 posts
Newbee

thefurturemrs2018 :  “Hey guys, this is my honeymoon. I was obviously planning on banging my new wife with wild abandon all over that cabin, so please fuck off” comes to mind, lol.

If they’re his oldest friends he should be the most comfortable expressing himself to them!  There’s really no way around saying something unless you completely abandon your plans or let them walk all over you. Ideally it would come from him or the two of you, but even if you have to, do it asap. Just firmly tell them, no you are not invited to stay with us all 10 days. 

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