- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2012
Hey to all of the ladies!!
Well, I’m officially married and it’s been 5 months since our big day. While I loveeee being married to the man I know God brought into my life to be my husband, there were many things that happened the day of that continue to haunt me. To be completely honest, it has been difficult to “look over” that day and to even look at wedding photos too long. It has been getting better, yet I just hope more time will heal some of how I feel.
To begin, his (my groom) mom brought along an uninvited guest who we absolutely DID NOT want at the wedding due to so many reasons, overall they are just a very toxic person and we didn’t need that the day of. Well, his mom, sure enough, told this person and brought the person along!!! All while, the day before, his mom was telling me how excited she was to be there and how she was going to honor our day etc etc etc. WOW. Such an honor, huh? Anyway, I was in the bridal room waiting for our first look, while I heard a pretty loud commotion on the first level. My mom was fortunately heading up to that level when she saw his mom/the uninvitied person heading down to my bridal room to say “hello,” or probably just try to cause drama/tension and take away from our day. Can you believe that??? Such class, huh. His mom has always had issues, but I won’t be getting into detail about that. She just completely ruined our trust in her.
After the uninvited person was told to leave by not only the ceremony site’s wedding coordinator, my parents, then security, my groom’s mom then started to refuse to go to ceremony. Well, I didn’t care, I just wanted to make sure that my groom and I were staying focused on the meaning of our day and that ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, we would be married!
His mom ended up attending the ceremony, yet, of course, there was a bit of tension between everyone, especially my mom and his mom. My mom completely protected me by stopping them from coming to cause trouble in my bridal room, she really became a “mother bear protecting her cub,” which may seem cheesy, but it just happens. I was thankful that they didn’t have that satisfaction by trying to ruin my few moments before seeing my groom for the first time.
Well, the ceremony went off pretty well (except for the annoying wind -_-) which just wasn’t cool with a cathedral length veil haha
After the ceremony, his mom had the nerve to come up and give me a hug and then try to proceed to explain her side and blah blah blah. I was VERY proud of myself, because I am one to usually become very bothered by such people and tend to get a bit loud (something I’m working on). YET, even with all his mom had already done just hours into our day, I gave her the hug she wanted and told her “Not now,” and walked away. I WOULD NOT play into the drama, anger, or selfishness etc.
I’m okay with admitting that I do have anxiety and what was happening on our wedding definitely did not help that issue of mine. While you shouldn’t even have a single drink on anxiety meds for obvious reasons, I ended up COMPLETELY forgetting that and having a single drink to celebrate the day etc. Well, that made me feel so loopy and now, I can slightly see it in my face in some of the photos and it did make me feel a bit funny throughout the day. I blame myself for allowing another person, his mother, to have such control over myself in this area of the day. While I’m not a drinker at all, that one cocktail definitely didn’t help as I thought it would just calm my nerves a bit. Instead, I now feel like such a fool for giving someone that power, to make me then feel “out of it” and a bit distant throughout the day. YET, please do not confuse that for me forgetting my wedding day (which did not happen at all, I remember the ceremony the best because it was before more drama, which is the most important part to me-the VOWS 🙂 I continue to pray to forgive myself for this part and to let it go…but it just hasn’t been that easy unfortunately.
We then proceeded to do the family photos, then the photos of my groom and I. All while, there was still drama *trying* to be caused by his mom. I really think she just couldn’t handle that the attention wasn’t on her and that she didn’t get her way AND that both her son (the groom) and I stayed VERY calm and focused on marrying one another.
THIS is the part that breaks my heart. Once we had entered into the reception, had completed our first dance as husband & wife, and had completed the maidofhonor & best man speeches, his mom had the NERVE to LEAVE literally right before the time when my groom and her would have had their dance. WOW, right??? Well, sure enough, she tried to hug us goodbye and because my groom and I both were just in the moment (being pulled around by so many different people-I’m sure you ladies understand this part), we actually hugged her goodbye! Now that we think about it, it doesn’t make sense, but we were such the bigger people and acted as God would have expected of us. *While there were other small areas to what she caused, it would be pages and pages to explain how wrong his family is towards him and how they unleashed such hurt on our wedding day.*
Well, the rest of the night, we actually had a reallyyyyy good time partying with those who were there supporting and loving us 🙂
There were other areas of the wedding day that did not go as planned or as I would have hoped for. Such as, not slowing things down in the beginning of the day by not being pushed around while getting ready (I should have told everyone to pause and do what I wanted before sitting down to get ready and then being out the door before I knew it to get to the ceremony-should have been more selfish in the right way), awful wind (the ceremony was outdoors-and most of the photos were difficult to get with my veil flying around everywhere haha), my wedding coordinators totally slacked (the ones who were hired to make the day go smoothly, well..my Godmother had to take over a lot instead), a handful of guests who decided to just NOT show up, even though they RSVP’ed “yes” (how are you ever suppose to see those people again, when they have yet to apologize or send a card or anything?!), and for the last….
We love our photographers/videographer (husband&wife team) and they do amazing work, yet I believe that with how hectic the wedding day became and how they were just trying to make everything easier to get through for us (bride&groom), that a few photos were missed….
Such as any photos of just me, alone. Now, I know that photographers can’t make firm promises to get every single shot you may want, yet is that normal??? While I start to feel upset towards them, I also feel as if the day as a whole is to blame, in addition to the fact that we had a time limit to use the ceremony/reception area. So, I think because of this, they were very focused on getting groom & bride photos, which I appreciate. I’m also just not happy with some of our photos and how we are coming across or even looked (you know when your hair is out of place or you just have no idea why you were making that face hah). Yet, overall, it is disappointing to not have separate photos of just me….
Should I do a bridal shoot or should I just let it go? (obviously, I will still do what I need, but advice from past brides is always great because other people just.don’t.get.it.)
Overall, my biggest regret of our wedding day, would be, that I truly let people walk all over me, especially on the day of, when it is OKAY to be selfish in the right ways and I should have been. I would tell future brides to really take control and feel okay taking a firm stand against what you do or don’t want. Don’t let people push you around on the day of either, it’s just not their right. If anyone feels as if the same happened to them, please share, because as I see it, this place is for support from those who have experienced similar situations…
Now to ask: Do you ever stop blaming yourself for what could have been or went wrong or for the actions of other people on that day? Do you ever stop re-thinking/re-planning that day? Does it ever become easier to accept what did go wrong and to let it go? And one that I’ve been thinking since the day of, is it really that normal for it to go by SOOOO quickly, where sometimes it feels like a blur? I feel guilty thinking this sometimes, yet it just feels like the day was only 1 hr long, when it obviously wasn’t….
Well, thank you for going through my vent and please forgive my “rambling” or even run on setences, poor spelling, etc haha (I just needed to get it out). Any advice, opinions, support would be awesome. Here are some photos from our day….