Wedding planner drama

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 2
9663 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

In a way, I see her point about if someone else was paying she didn’t want to tell you the price.

She likely wanted to make sure if this was a gift from Future Mother-In-Law to you that you didn’t worry about the price of it and made sure to just get what you wanted. I know if someone was paying for something for me I would probably pick the absolute cheapest options whether I liked them or not because someone else was paying, which is not always what the person paying wants the gifted party to do. So I do in a way see her point. 

She was hired as a planner so of course she’s going to come in with a million ideas for you to choose from to make your life easier. If you have ideas you need to be verbal and express that up front when you first talk about things.

Honestly, I don’t see any huge red flags here just a lot of miscommunication. 

Post # 3
166 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with the above poster. I see no issues, besides a bit of miscommunication, with what happened. 

Post # 4
47175 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Overthinking. You both used poor communication. Given that you have so much time, it would have been a better use of her time for you to have first clarified who was paying, before she did any work at all on the centerpiece idea. I also don’t see a problem with her not sharing the cost if Future Mother-In-Law was paying.

I suggest you be more assertive at the next meeting. Rather than sit back and let her present ideas, start with a discussion of your budget and your ideas for the look, feel you want. It is silly to waste her time developing ideas that won’t work at all for you.

Post # 5
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I get that you’re annoyed with having this planner, but for your own peace of mind, either decide to be zen about it or decide to back out. Starting over on the centerpieces should be a good thing, right? Because you can start from your budget and inspiration ideas, set the paradigm for how future planning will go, and this time get an accurate read on how she’ll handle your concerns and plans?

You won’t seem cheap or like a bridezilla – the planner shouldn’t be pushing ideas regardless of budget. Be upfront about your budget, whether it’s per centerpiece or decor total or both. Discuss and set ground rules with her about getting firm itemized quotes before placing any orders – or whatever else will give you peace of mind about her getting out of control. And I’m sure you’ll stay respectful but don’t be overly concerned about overstepping her creative process – she’s hired as a planner not a designer, and I think it’s normal for brides to have some specific ideas about types of flowers/vases/etc.

Don’t hide any of your opinions (including ones like “I don’t want to deal with this so far in advance” etc), but do get into a positive attitude and really look at the planner as your ally and a reasonable person. If you do that and she shows you that she isn’t reasonable, then you can back out or majorly limit her role.

Post # 6
4387 posts
Honey bee

This sounds like miscommunication.  If Future Mother-In-Law paid for everything in full last time, it would be a fair assumption it was the same arrangement if no one told the planner otherwise.

Be assertive and just start over.  Call her up and apologize for the miscommunication over who would be paying for what and ask if you can have another meeting now that you are on the same page to discuss budget, ideas, and a timeline of what you would like to see and how much involvement you will need from her on what activities.

Post # 7
2411 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m going to put the blame on the planner, here.  Why didn’t she confirm budget and price point before spending weeks designing and mocking up centerpieces?  

OP, if I was in your situation, I’d want to see if I could get out of the contract with the wedding planner and just have a month-of-coordinator instead.  You sound like you have a lot of your own ideas, you work in a creative field, and you have background in event planning.  I have a feeling you and this wedding planner may wind up butting heads a lot over creative control. 

If you’re worried about possible fallout from your future Mother-In-Law… consider this.  If you need to set boundaries with your Mother-In-Law, may as well learn to do it sooner rather than later. 

Post # 8
11 posts

I think your planner is getting ahead of herself since the wedding is so far away. I also had an issue with my planner’s lack of communication and putting me on the back burner since my wedding is in October. I simply wrote an e-mail discussing my concerns and left it up to her to “please advise” given the circumstances. I basically gave her room to agree and decide for herself not to work with us. However, she replied very professionally and agreed to do a better job. I think you should also address your concerns in an e-mail and give her time to reflect and respond. I do not think you should just deal with a planner you don’t mesh with just because your fmil wants her. I would at least give her an opportunity to rectify the issue before you pull the plug. 

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