Post # 1
So this coming August, Mr. Frisbee and I will be sitting down with our respective families in the Okanagan to talk about budgeting and finances for our wedding. At this point in time I am in the mindset that we alone will be paying for the wedding, however each family has expressed interest in contributing and we would like to hear them out. I would personally prefer to pay for the wedding ourselves as it can limit rough patches down the road (ie: the dreaded inviting uninvited guests, or really purchasing anything that we don’t think is needed).
I feel as soon as we hash out a budget, guest list, date and venue we’ll get stuck. I just had to plan a small get together for my birthday and that was difficult for me, so let’s just say I have zero experience really planning any sort of event.
So here are my questions for you bees:
1. What websites/resources did you find to be really helpful during the wedding planning process?
2. Is there anything that people tend to forget about during the planning process but needs to get done?
3. Is there any additional advice that you would give?
Honestly at this point, any advice is incredibly helpful!
Post # 2
If I can offer any advice about wedding planning, it’s “Do your research.” Don’t rely solely on the recommendations of friends or family for your vendors. Not too long ago, I discovered a florist who is well acquainted with my Future Mother-In-Law had a bunch of “stolen” photos as part of her portfolio- had I not checked wedding websites, checked the Better Business Bureau, ran things through TinEye and Google Image Search, etc. I would not have known and I could have ended up doing business with a very unethical person (and gotten crappy flowers to show for it!) Every vendor, every person/place you do business with- make sure they are solid from top to bottom.
Best of luck to you, and congratulations!
Post # 3
If you already suspect taking their money will cause problems, I wouldn’t take their money. People “express interest” in a lot of things, doesn’t mean you have to oblige.
Post # 4
We hired a day of planner. They gave us a “timeline” form and I found it really helpful. This first part had the vendors (we had to fill in) and contact info etc. Then there was a page for bridal party info etc. And then the timeline which basically laid out everything in the day…so if it wasn’t written then we could assume it wouldn’t be happening. It helped us to remember some things like ring box and cake knife etc because we had to write out who would supply them the day of, where and when. This of course led to clean up.
Additionally we used a shared Onenote notebook for ideas, taking notes during vendor conversations, checklists for follow-up conversations.
We also had an excel spreadsheet for the budget.
Post # 5
This is why we’re sitting down with them and hearing them out, we haven’t made a decision if we will “take their money”. I’m personally a worry-wart and it might just be because of things I’ve read on the Bee. My fiance is quite the opposite and doesn’t see any foreseeable issues with it. Thanks though!
Post # 6
Thank you so much! I’m a little bit nervous because we plan on having the wedding in our hometown (we live about a 4 hour drive away). Reviews are going to be my best friend =)
Post # 7
These are some excellent tips! Thank you!
Post # 8
We ended up accepting parent gifts for paying for the reception and yeah it has caused a few issues, but honestly we would not have been able to afford the big family wedding we (and my parents) were looking to have. My family is big, and my family LOVES weddings. I think it’s definitely possible to accept financial gifts graciously, as long as you acknowledge that it may come with some strings attached. Our other option was to pitch a tent in my parents’ backyard (they live on a farm), which was an idea I loved but I knew that would come with even MORE strings attached…
My best advice? Don’t get too deep into wedding websites. They will literally rope you in and you will blow your budget because of all the “must haves”. I have not once looked at The Knot in this whole process and I’m grateful to that. I have utilized Pinterest a lot, mostly for pictures for inspiration, though I also used Pinterest to find “budget wedding” ideas and “wedding checklist” ideas. If you find a good comprehensive wedding checklist, that will help you immensely with your wedding planning.
Also, people will have opinions. People will want to give you advice. People will want you to do things their way. You’re not obligated. Not at all. You can politely say “no thanks, I have that part under control!”. I’ve had so many people come up to me giving me pointers and tips and ideas that honestly were NOT helpful at all, but until I got comfortable with saying “I’ve got it, thanks!” they came in droves.
I’ve actually found the entire process to be pretty overwhelming. I’m actually getting really sick of all the decisions to be made and all the money that has been and needs to be spent. I love my guy and I’m SO GLAD I’m marrying him, but I literally don’t care about most details. People expect me to care, but I don’t. Maybe that makes me a bad bride or something but I just don’t have an opinion on most things. It’s ok if you’re like me and you’re not the kind of bride who cares about every little thing! 🙂
Post # 9
Thank you! He has quite the large family too (he counted 50 guests family alone on his side, while I only had 13, and this doesn’t include friends). I was hoping for a small/somewhat intimate wedding! Hahaha.
At the end of the day, I get to marry him, and all of the little details are not going to matter. I’m sure when we reflect on our wedding day the tablecloths aren’t going to be the first thing to pop into our heads. 🙂
Post # 10
Thought of 2 more things:
1. someone mentioned reviews. Yes, read the YELP reviews. And what I didn’t realize was the some reviews get filtered. So there’s a very hard to see link to see these reviews…read those!!
2. We took notes on our onenote during phone conversations with vendors. THEN we would send an email with a summary of what we talked about and what was agreed to. So then there’s written proof 🙂
Post # 13
I don’t know if it is an option in your area but we went to an almost one stop shop venue. They provide everything, ceremony, cocktail hour, reception, food, alcohol, cake, dj, day of coordination until dinner and basic decoration. Check, check, check! We provide our touches, officiant, photographer, florist, tear down of our things and transportation. That can help with your anxiety? It makes it so much easier when you don’t have to plan every little detail! The photographers we found have been so helpful with that timeline. I have asked vendors to recommend other vendors. Our florist recommended the officiant, the officiant recommended the photographers, the photographers recommended the hair and makeup artist. Pretty much anywhere vendors have a small world, they know who works best with them and for the couple. That will be very helpful for you.
Its good to talk to the family. I’m sure they will appreciate having imput.
Post # 14
Do a lot of research! I started a spreadsheet with everything I saw online that I liked and thought I would want at my wedding. I added the line where I found it as well, and started a Pinterest board that my bridal party and my mom can add to. This far in the planning now I have gone back and said “well that is cute but I really don’t need that because I want this instead” on a lot of things.
I also have learned that once you make a decision stand by it and stop looking!!! For things like bridesmaid dresses, I would find one but keep looking and find a different one. I was making myself and them crazy. Now when I make a decision on something I don’t even look for anything on it anymore. It has helped eliminate the feeling of going in circles.
As far as money, I didn’t want to take any from our families either because I wanted the choices to be mine (my mother is a tad over bearing). But when it came down to it she wanted to help so that we could have the wedding we (and she) wanted. We are still paying for a quite a bit though of it though so I have been able to reason with her. She wanted a bunch of her friends that I don’t know and I just don’t see that being reasonable. Her solution was to “hire” them as servers (we are doing DIY wedding, just rented the venue). That is fine with me because we need them anyway. Other things we differ on I explain why and we come to an agreement. Some things that I just don’t care about that much I am letting her do completely.
Post # 15
Just FYI we took money from our parents (basically we paid for half, mine paid 25%, his paid 25%) which was so generous and wonderful of them and it did not lead to any problems at all. My mom is not into weddings and she doesn’t live here so she wasn’t really involvEd. I was thankful to have Mother-In-Law here to help me. I don’t think the money changed anything except yes, when she asked if she could invite about 6 people who I didn’t know I just said yes because, hey, she’s paying for way more than that, she should be allowed to invite her friends!
weding planning advice: hire a wedding planner or at least a day of coordinator. Seriously it’s the #1 key to a couples happiness on the day (In terms of planning/logistics)
other wedding advice: do everything as soon as you can and don’t procrastinate. Makes the process way less stressful. I actually loved wedding planning.