(Closed) Wedding Planning Around Fiance's Father's Terminal Illness….

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
47287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
cdl324:  Is it a possibility to move the wedding up? Find a vacant date at any venue, make the rest of the decisions and get married while he is still well enough to enjoy the wedding.

Post # 3
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with PP.  If moving the date up won’t work, I think there is such a thing as wedding insurance, just in case you have to cancel the date.   I don’t know how much it is, and you say money is tight, but it might be better than losing all the money on venues/vendors etc. 

Post # 5
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

I would push the wedding date up. My mother passed away about a week before my brother’s wedding. It was heartbreaking to plan a funeral right before the wedding, but based on her wishes, we proceeded with the wedding. I would also suggest to try getting your fiance’s parents involved in some way with the wedding because it can help keep them preoccupied or help lift their spirits, even something like wedding attire shopping.

Another reason I would push up the date up is because there can be complications with the disease if it advances and hospital stays/ additionaly treatments may prevent him from attending if his health gets worse.

Post # 7
Member
1745 posts
Bumble bee

Even if his mom won’t help, it might give his dad something pleasant to look forward to if he could help in the planning.  Ask him to put together some favorite thoughts and memories of your Fiance as a child etc.   

Post # 8
Member
281 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
cdl324:  If it’s not possible to move it up, it might be worth just talking about the what-ifs. It can be an uncomfortable conversation, but it’s good to know what your wishes, your fiance’s wishes, and perhaps your future father-in-law’s wishes would be, if he could not attend the wedding or if something bad were to happen.

I know my mom made it explicitly clear that she would not want the wedding to be cancelled and that she would want us to celebrate in honor of her. I know of other brides who did a small ceremony before the wedding date just so the parent could see the couple in their wedding attire or to hear the vows.

Post # 9
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m really sorry about your fiance’s dad. If you want him at the wedding, I think you need to move the date. A terminal illness can be unpredictable and towards the end he may not be able to attend a wedding. Even if you can’t move up the date for the official wedding, can you have a civil ceremony and invite close family? Then you can make sure that his dad can be there and enjoy the wedding. You can always have a ceremony later along with the official reception. I know a few couples who got legally married months before the official wedding for various reasons. 

Post # 10
Member
2403 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

My late Father-In-Law had the same thing, lung cancer that had spread to his brain. Towards the end he didn’t know anything that was going on. He went downhill very quickly once he reached a certain point.

I don’t mean to be purposely grim, but it just may not matter. I wouldn’t call off the wedding. Just forge ahead, don’t lose deposits, whatever happens. A small ceremony with him there, if that is important to you that he see  you get married, sooner rather than later.

Post # 11
Member
1703 posts
Bumble bee

I lost my father to terminal cancer, so I don’t mean to sound like a bitch, but your fiance is the one that needs to be making the decisions right now…HE needs to decide how important it is for his father to be there…if it IS important, then you need to move the date up – more or less ASAP – you can have a small ceremony with just close friends/family, then later down the road plan a big party…or…if he is ok with his father NOT being there, than I would call off the wedding and wait until after his father passes…I say that for BOTH of your sakes – if his father is dying, he isn’t going to give 2 shits about ANYTHING having to do with a wedding…the mother is probably overwhelmed because she is his caretaker and thinking about a wedding is the last thing on her mind – she may even be resentful that you are planning a wedding right now…

You need to sit down with your fiance and have an honest, difficult discussion and unfortunately, backburner your needs and wants – I am sure there can be some compromise, but don’t plan on your “dream wedding” happening in the next year 

 

 

The topic ‘Wedding Planning Around Fiance's Father's Terminal Illness….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors