- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
It seems like I’m starting a pattern of posting “emotional” things on here…but I need to vent to anyone who will listen!!! I’m having a hard time being excited for my upcoming wedding and I feel AWFUL about it! I love my fiance, I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with him, and I can’t wait for the day we buy our own house and can live together happily ever after! I have quite a while to wait until I have to start making definite plans for the wedding, which is difficult and is probably causing me to stress more now than I would if I could actually start the REAL planning. Right now it’s like I have a million ideas, but I don’t want to make decisions until a little closer to the wedding date because I’m afraid I’ll change my mind about what type of wedding I really want. I’m also a little unhappy and feel like I have no one to really talk to about wedding stuff so that is causing me to dread the wedding planning! Both of my best friends have been married already, one is divorced, the other is in the process of getting a divorce. The one in the middle of divorce is all for my wedding and excited for me, but is in the airforce and lives far away and talking about my wedding is the least of her worries I’m sure. My friend who lives close and who has been divorced for over a year is still not ready to talk about wedding stuff with me because she can’t get over her own failed marriage. I feel bad for her, but if the roles were reversed I couldn’t imagine not being happy for her and wanting to help her plan her wedding (in fact when she was planning her own wedding I was ecstatic for her!). We’ve been friends for about 13 years and I hoped my wedding would be as exciting for her as hers was for me…but it seems that’s not the case. If I bring up things regarding the wedding or my fiance, she ignores it and talks about anything else. I try not to talk about wedding stuff often with her, but sometimes I’d like her advice or opinion, and I feel like I can’t ask her without annoying her. It sucks! On to other depressing issues…day by day my family seems to fall apart more and more. There has always been a lot of family drama with my parents and their siblings and even my own siblings…they usually get over it, but it’s frustrating! I have always wanted my wedding to be a big party with ALL of my many family members coming and celebrating my marriage…but at this point I think due to all the family feuding, the party won’t be as awesome as I’d like. I get that a smaller wedding is more intimate and I’ll be able to spend time with people closest to me and I’d definitely save a lot of money, but I love the traditional things that come with a bigger wedding! The dancing, bouquet throwing and garter tossing, etc. I’ll be okay if I don’t get everything I’ve ever dreamed of, I’m not one to throw a fit about not getting my way (most of the time). I’m just feeling sad because nothing seems to be going as I’d imagined it would once I got engaged, maybe thats normal? Hopefully my next post will be a happy one!