Wedding planning, grad school, desire to travel, babies…

posted 1 week ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
623 posts
Busy bee

Well clearly you’re on a different life track than the people you grew up with so you just have to put them out of your mind. Babies are wonderful but they SERIOUSLY cramp your ability to travel, both from a flexibility and scheduling point and financially.  You are so young and have plenty of time to do everything you dream of!

 

If I were 22 again, I’d focus on finishing grad school and travel on school breaks and maybe for a gap between grad school and work of timing works out. Make a list of the destinations you’d be crushed to never get to explore and prioritize those. Then, I’d spend the next 2-3 years getting established in my career before thinking about babies.  At that point you’d still just be 26-27 which is right around the age the average US woman gives birth for the first time. That is still young compared to the average woman with a masters degree giving birth at 30 for the first time.

Post # 4
Member
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

You have TIME. Your life will be so much better if you don’t have a child before you’re ready. Finish school, travel, enjoy your wedding and then husband. Set some goals to complete before baby time like FINISH SCHOOL! Get a career started, have your husband’s career started, visit *list of places*, buy a house then have a baby . You can typically have a baby well into your 30s and will be far more prepared if you live your life first before needing to prioritize another life.

Post # 5
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I got married at 24 and had pretty bad baby fever but I’m SO GLAD I waited to have a baby. I had my daughter at 28 and honestly it probably would have been even better financially to wait another year, but I just couldn’t wait any longer.

I was able to finish my masters degree and get my career on track. We were able to live in a foreign country, do a lot of travel and buy a house. My husband finished his PhD and started his career. We also adoptedt two dogs. Now that we have a baby I realized how much more difficult it would be to do these things with a baby. We still travel and save money, but childcare is a huge expense, so I’m glad we were in a good place financially when baby arrived.

In terms of dealing with baby fever, try and stay off social media or don’t follow your friends with kids. I guarantee you they’re posting the best times and not sharing the hardships of parenting. Plan fun trips and activities you can’t do with a baby. Set goals for yourselves before TTC like paying off your CC, having X amount in savings, finishing a degree, achieving X in your career. If you are still going crazy adopt a puppy/dog. I think that helped the most by giving us a dependent to take care of and love and gave us some insight into what it means to be responsible for a living being.

Post # 6
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Most of the people you grew up with are making stupid irresponsible choices. And you feel pressure to keep up with them?

Post # 7
Member
1832 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2017 - Pearson Convention Centre

Finish school first. I was afraid of baby fever so I always made a point not to get engaged before I finished school. After graduating then we got a gages got married 15 months later, we were married for one year and now we are expecting our first bundle of joy. That timeline worked for us. We are now 23 and life couldn’t be better. Good luck

Post # 8
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

I’m weeks away from being a young mom, but I finished school first and honestly with how hard pregnancy has been for me, it was such a blessing that I did. After our LO is here I don’t think finishing would have been that easy. I know lots of incredible women who have done it, but it took them years of very hard work. I know for me the only cure of baby fever was pregnancy, so I am not minimising those feelings you are having, wow are they overwhelmingly strong! But if I was you, I would stick to your plan. Start a family/life plan with your Fiance and have a list of everything you want to achieve, financially and otherwise before TTC. On your list include graduating, getting married and actual trip ideas/plans. Make this into a timeline and smaller goals for you to work towards. This will help you see that your goal of a family is very real and not too distant but that you have some very exciting steps to reach first. Also there is nothing wrong with activities like researching parenting advice and picking a list of names while you wait! We would also have family planning meetings, where our plan was updated/discussed, which helped me feel like kids were a real shared goal we were working towards instead of just a distant dream. 

Post # 9
Member
804 posts
Busy bee

No offence to your friends but at only 22 and onto their second and third child isn’t smart. Also no college. 

You have plenty of time for babies. But once you do it’s going to hold you back and make things difficult in some ways. I’d definitely finish school first and get somewhat established career wise. And travel of course. I’d wait till at least late 20s to have kids.

I’m almost 34 and will be TCC later in the year. while I don’t have baby fever, and physically probably having a baby a few years back would’ve been ideal, but financially and career wise, I’m so glad that I didn’t, because I’m at a much better place career wise and financially, and ok with putting it on hold where it is now to have time off for child care while my position will be on hold for me to come back to. And I’m ok with slower progression from this point on due to having to dedicate time for child care. In a junior position, it can seriously hinder your career progression and be worse off in the long term.

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