Post # 1
I was SO excited when we got engaged – I couldn’t wait to start reading wedding magazines and blogs and putting together a beautiful affair. But now, with 5 months to go, I feel completely inadequate and overly extravagant and just generally disappointed. I’m starting to not even care anymore – I just want to get the day over with so I can marry my fiance and start our lives together.
Part of the problem is that I’m pretty insecure in general and I always compare myself to others, and everywhere you look – Facebook, the internet, etc. – someone is having a gorgeous, thoughtful wedding. I feel like I’m spending way too much money and not getting anything particularly amazing for it, whereas other brides would have found fun, creative, meaningful ways to DIY or find friends to help. But the thing is, I’ve never been crafty. Also, I have no close friends or family living near me to help, and I have no car, job, or $ (I just finished grad school and I’m job hunting) to go scouring flea markets for vintage milk glass, mason jars, etc. (We’re having a vintage-ish, garden-party style wedding).
Every time I DO make a decision, someone seems to second-guess it – especially my fiance, who always thinks we can get something for cheaper. I feel like I spend a lot of time on planning, and yet it’s just not coming together, and it certainly doesn’t feel like it’s going to be truly expressive of ‘us’ because I’m just not creative enough to figure out how to do that. It just feels like a lot of big, expensive pieces that I could’ve gotten for cheaper if I hadn’t been lazy, or had been less dull, or something. I guess there are places where I could compromise, but then I just feel sad because I either have to sacrifice something I really want, or I have to feel guilty for paying someone else to do it when a better bride/woman would have figured out a way to make it happen for cheaper.
I hate feeling like this. This is supposed to be a wonderful, happy occasion and I just feel more and more overwhelmed and depressed and detached. I don’t know how to make this a better experience.
Post # 3
First of all stop comparing yourself to everyone else. You have many unique qualities that make you you. So what if you don’t have the crafting gene. Not everyone does. If everyone did then Etsy wouldn’t exist. Like my gramma always said “Child God don’t make no junk so stop your moping around. You just go out and be the best you that you can be. He don’t ask for no more than that.” It is rather sage advice whether you believe in God or not. 🙂 You are a wonderful, intelligent, dedicated woman who has a superior education. Your wedding will accomplish what it is meant to do which is unite the two of you in marriage but if you would like someone to bounce ideas off of you know where to find me. You can even borrow my milk glass and mason jars 🙂
Post # 4
I am the same way. I am not crafty at all and I don’t really have any family. When I tell friends how much money something cost me they look at like I am so stupid, like I could have made that for way cheaper…but that’s not me! I am spending a lot more money then what I tought I would spend but I am sure I will love my wedding. I think you and your Fiance will make it personal. Tell me about your wedding? What is the feel? What things have you added?
Post # 5
You have to stop comparing yourself. There will always be something better, cheaper, more expensive, more unique, etc. No one cares! Your guest only care about 2 things 1) Does the couple look happy and in love and 2) are they comfortable (heat/cold, food and drink). Other than that, the details, no one cares.
Tell you Fiance to suck it. Seriously, there is a time/money trade off. Some people DIY (and use huge, huge amounts of time, trust me) to save money. Some people use money so they don’t have to DIY. Tell your Fiance you are in the money camp and to suck it. If he wants it cheaper, he can DIY it.
(And as a side note, DIY sometimes isn’t cheaper. Once you factor in mistakes and testing different ideas, I know I lost money on DIY. Only do DIY if you enjoy DIY for the sake of DIY. You don’t, so don’t stress about it.)
Post # 6
Oh yeah, get thee to A Practical Wedding. It’s a great blog about being comfortable with creating the best wedding that reflects you guys as a couple. To hell with the WIC (Wedding Industrial Complex). Oh, she also has a book you need to read ASAP!
Post # 7
I think a lot of us have definitely been frustrated with the wedding planning process at one point or another. It’s almost impossible to get through it otherwise.
Something that many people have been saying to me lately, is that it is a day for you and your fiance. You two are the ones coming together and it’s for everyone else to celebrate. And your guests will never know how much you spent, unless you tell them!
Also, the MD/DC/VA area is RIDICULOUSLY expensive, in general. I had family visiting from the midwest all week, and all I heard from my Mom was how ridiculously overpriced everything was.
From the sound of it, you are definitely not lazy, nor dull. Do you have family that you can talk about how you feel with? Or a friend that has been through the wedding planning process before? What about your MOH? Sometimes it also helps knowing the price of things already, what about searching online for things? I guess an example I came across are some of the vintage vanity mirrors. I know my Mom is able to get them from time to time at a consignment shop back home for about $6.00, but online and some antique stores, they want as much as $20, but the knowledge helps give some haggle power. Oh, and if you want vintage milk glass, I’m not sure what shipping would be, but I know that particular store has a TON and probably at about $1.00/a piece.
Sorry for the novel. I hope this helps a little bit. Best of luck to you!
Post # 8
DC is very expensive. Figure out what is most important to you. And spend money there. If it’s not important, don’t do it. Only thing you need is a bride, groom and food and drink for the guests. And even that can be done inexpensively if you move away from the tradditional hotel catering mind set.
Oh yeah, here is an inexpensive place for jewelery http://weddingfactorydirect.com/
Use Zazzle or vistaprint for your STD and invitations or hell get blank cards from Michaels or Target and run them through your printer. Seriously, no one cares about the cards, they just get thrown away.
Post # 9
I think it helps to stop thinking of a wedding as an event where you need to express your personality or a particular “style.” Brides of yore didn’t spend any time worrying about collecting mason jars or pennants or anything like that unless that was literally what they used to set the table on a regular basis. It’s only nowadays with the wedding industry that brides think they need to pay attention to the “look” of their wedding. Be yourself and you’ll be beautiful!!!
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
1. I agree with mmsva. Get thee to apracticalwedding.com for a really awesome reality check. It will save your sanity.
2. Go buy the APW book. It’s like carrying Meg in your pocket.
3. Stop being your own worst critic. (Yes, I know… easier said than done). Would you be this hard and critical of a friend? I think not. So treat yourself as you would treat a friend. And if your Fiance is troubled by how much is being spent, that’s fine. Then HE can be the one to go out and hunt for a better deal. He doesn’t get to gripe unabashedly, but he does get to be part of the solution. It’s HIS wedding, too! Yay teamwork! (On a more serious note, you and Fiance need to have a heart to heart where you both explain how you are feeling about wedding plans and planning, and develop a joint plan of action to get through these next few months as a unified front. It’s you two against the world, and wedding planning is a good way to build on your relationship’s foundation and hone your good partnership habits.)
Post # 11
I just checked this thread to see if anyone had replied and my goodness, I am overwhelmed and inspired by your support! I’m so grateful! Unfortunately I’m on my way out the door but I promise I’ll respond in more detail later today – again, I am so happy and relieved to have your advice 🙂
Post # 12
@DrDaniJohnson: I agree with the other advice here, and I also wanted to add: Have a serious discussion with your Fiance and make sure that he’s on your side in all this. He should be a source of support in this venture, not criticism. Of course, he may not realize what he’s doing, so tell him calmly and in a straightforward way. But absolutely make sure that he knows that you need more support and encouragement from him. Have you shared your feelings with him? It’s possible he feels exactly the same way. You two may be able to commisserate :).
But yes, don’t lose sight of this basic fact: A wedding is the ceremony that leads up to you and your fiance getting married. Nothing more, nothing less. There is NO right or wrong way to get married. Also look at this as a way of starting off your marriage journey. Sure, you could plan a DIY wedding like all of the brides in the magazines, but is that you? Would you be happy doing that? Do you want to start off your marriage pretending to be something you’re not? You have the right can choose to spend a lot of time on this ceremony/party, or you can have the simplest, easiest wedding imaginable. Nobody but yourself will judge you for it (or, if anybody does, they aren’t worthy of your efforts anyway :)). Good luck!
Post # 14
Can you afford to hire a wedding planner or an event designer? It may save you money in the long run, because they have relationships with other vendors and can help bring your ideas to fruition. I know this process has been really tough for me too, because I feel like I’m spending a lot with not as much impact. I also have way too many ideas and need guidance to help me execute.