(Closed) Wedding planning isn’t fun any more :( (a little long, sorry!)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 1
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can’t believe I am even writing this so early on, we have only been engaged about 2 months and I have had enough of wedding talk!  I was all excited to look through books and magazines, browse through pics and ideas online…visit places and locate our venue.  However, it has been evident very quickly who is going to be pushy and unreasonable in the process. 

Also finding a place we absolutely loved was exciting, being told my parents would put in a down payment and work on a budget with us, even better!  Then a week later tell me we need to find something else, maybe we can’t afford to do that venue after all.  Well…. I probably would have taken that a little better if I hadn’t already been told yes, we can do that venue, gotten all excited and reserved the date with the venue so we could finish up the contract. Yes there are other places, but I am in a small town and there isn’t too much without traveling, and pretty much everyone would have to travel away from where we all live for some decent venues.

That aside…. it gave us time to sit down and talk about what WE really want for our day.  I felt better, but still need to talk to my parents and see what their reactions will be if we truly do the Vegas wedding we are pretty focused on now (with a reception back home within a week or two after).  I know that in the end we will do what we want, but I don’t want to just take off and truly “elope”  Really just want a fun and memorable ceremony (and honeymoon in one) and then a simple, smaller reception since we decided buying a house is much more important than spending on an extravagant wedding we don’t really want!

So the other day someone saw us out one night and asked how wedding plans were coming, and I literally just clammed up and wanted to hide somewhere.  I don”t really understand what my deal is and hadn’t even realized it was that bad until that night.  Everything between the two of us is perfectly fine, in fact even better since engaged. 

I think the Vegas option is great, one big issue for me is that I am halfway through my PhD program in school, working full time and trying to map out travel required for school in the next year, so that limits time for planning A LOT!

Has anyone else become completely uninterested and overwhelmed with wedding planning before you even started?  Any stories or words of encouragement?

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Post # 3
Member
6248 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I think it’s totally normal to be overwhelmed by wedding planning.  I mean, some people make wedding planning their careers, so obviously it’s quite a huge job to plan a wedding. 

I suggest you finalize your budget (be honest with your numbers) and make a tiered guest list.  [Have different tiers of guests that you 1) have to invite, 2) want to invite if the budget allows, and 3) extras (plus ones that might not make the cut), etc.]  This will help you focus your planning and will help you be more prepared when you sit down with your parents to discuss how much they are contributing since they offered. 

Also, it sounds like you really want to elope in Vegas and then have a reception when you return.  If that’s what you want (and your fiance wants) then do it!!  You will be so much happier if your wedding is what you really want it to be.  But be honest, are you just looking to escape because things are stressful and piling up?  Do you just feel overwhelmed right now between school and wedding planning and eloping is your easy solution?  Will you regret not having a wedding with your family and friends there?  If you answered ‘No’ to those questions then sounds like you really do want to elope.  Sounds fun!

If you find out you really do want the Vegas wedding, I’d suggest taking some time to really research the costs and logistics.  Then present this to your parents and make sure you aren’t going to cause a huge family issues by not having a local wedding.  I guess what I’m trying to say is be open with your plans, so that you aren’t sidelined by negativity in the future.  Not that I think there is anything wrong with eloping.  I’m thinking more along the lines of Great Aunt Myrtle raising a stink because she’s been looking forward to this wedding for years now and that kind of stuff. 

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck and remember, wedding planning is a job in itself and taking breaks from planning can be a lifesaver.

Post # 4
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I understand what you are going thru believe me!!! That was our option, to elope in vegas, and we were going to take it and get married here:

http://www.lasvegasweddingsatthegrove.com/home?d=1333112626448

 

Unfortunately some of the people that meant the world to us would not be able to make the trip. So we had to think. Having a wedding in our hometown was beyond what we could afford. I thought, maybe a wedding in the metro area. I thought more places in one area to get married, the costs have to be competitive. And I was correct! We found a wonderful venue with everything we wanted plus more!!! And the best part of it, our family and friends will be able to attend! Here is our venue:

http://www.wisteriaplaceeventhall.com/

 

What you and Fiance and who ever else is assisting in planning/paying for the wedding need to do is get on the same page with priorites. Do this worksheet with everyone first:

http://weddings.about.com/od/gettingstarted/a/Questionnaire.htm

 

That should help you see a little light at the end of the tunnel.

 

 

Post # 5
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@jvangorden9:  oh wow. i completely feel you on this. I got engaged in May 2011.  I was super duper excited, obviously, but i quickly got annoyed by people.  People wanted to know our date, where we were gonna married, on and on.  Dudes, i just engaged…yesterday.  It was overwhelming.  A month into it, my Fiance & I got into a huge fight after i told him i wasnt having any fun planning it – i felt so overwhelmed. Instead of supporting me, he hissed (under his own stress to be fair), i didnt know it was supposed to be fun.  Well, that little statement popped any air that was left in my balloon.  For 7 months.  That’s right.  It wasn’t until last month or so that i started to revisit the idea of planning the wedding again. 

I should mention that we set our date to Oct 2012, so that did give me a few months to be freaked 🙂  I felt – & still feel from time to time – overwhelmed w/ many things. First, budget.  I, too, am from a small town w/ not a lot of options.  First, i wanted to get married in San Francisco’s courthouse.  It’s cheap (we’re paying for 98% of this wedding ourselves) & beautiful all wed have to do is shell out for a nice photographer.  Ha. Silly, silly naive me.  Long story short, no, it’s not that cheap. On top of that, it was also stressful hearing people’s opinions – i was shocked. lots of “you dont wanna do that!” or people expressing how much they wanted to be there – & that’s more heartbreaking & bummed me out. 

Then a few weeks ago my cousin got married in a backyard wedding.  It was simple, budget friendly & the best wedding i’ve ever been to.  Not a small feat since i should also mention this bride also thinks receptions are dreadfully boring (im a weirdo but i swear i have no anti social disorders of any kind!).  It inspired me to bring back our very original plans – backyard wedding w/ a country/vintagey/mexicany taco truck kind of feel.  Since then, everything has come into place.  I really believe not thinking about the wedding & putting it down for a while helped tremendously for me personally. Along the way, the Fiance & I have had many bumps along the road; always communication! But in the long run, we are on the same page.  As of right now, I just ended week 2 officially and have tentatively booked our caterer (not a taco truck but better – a taqueria that has a grill guy who comes out to cook tacos for you!), photographer & i think i found my wedding dress.  I also have the tables & chairs under control.  Just decided on my colors (this was one of the hardest tasks for me for some reason).  My Fiance & mom were blown away by my progress in 2 weeks vs the MONTHS i’ve had a lack of interest.  

While on my break from wedding planning, i did cheat & look at wedding blogs for inspiration here & there – but dont get lost in them.  There’s so many, while it can be a great source of inspiration, it can also feel like you havent blinked your eyes in 72 hours from all the wedding porn!  i found pinterest to be more helpful & less involved than pouring over blogs & links if that makes sense (time consuming & that adds to stress).

I also would agree w/ setting a budget & then youll feel better.  I dont like to discuss my wedding details w/ every person/friend/relative i see either. i barely told my bff’s my wedding ideas on Tuesday.  

i hope you feel less overwhelmed – it’s ok to take time off & it’s definitely okay to not want to talk about it.  It’s always on my mind, but I dont want to talk about my stress all damn day!

 

 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I’m glad I am not the only one feeling this way!  I am feeling a bit better about everything after talking to my dad and stepmom a little bit.  I think having their support for our Las Vegas wedding was a big relief… I guess I was more stressed than I needed to be about possible family drama if we decided to just go and have a ceremony without everyone.  Also, it may be a possibility for our parents to join us on the trip, and that would complete the “destination” ceremony.

I appreciate everyone’s advice so far, I have realized this week that it really doesn’t matter what type of wedding you have, as long as we are both happy with the idea!

 

Post # 7
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am not having fun either! I am living overseas and doing everything on my own. With some help from my mom who lives in Florida and almost no help from my BMs who live in CA in the town where the wedding is going to be. People’s true colors can definitely come out at important special times! So, I know how you feel!

I think you have enough time to really think it over and get comfortable with whatever choice you decide to go with. I think all that really matters is that you two are there and happy and together. I think since your situation is with your parents, it is sort of easier. They love you and you love them so it is easier to sit them down and just be like” Ok I liked some of the places around the area, but what about these ideas? I know they may not be super exgravigant, but these are the ideas that (Finace’s name) and I really like”

 

 

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