(Closed) Wedding planning made me realize I don’t have a lot of friends : /

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1249 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

We just invited everyone we ever knew – even if we haven’t seen them for awhile except on Facebook.  We’re trying to bring all our old college friends together for a reunion.

Post # 4
Member
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Oh hon me too. I’ve work at an electrical engineering lab for the last 5 years – I’m the only female, so the majority of my close friends and even work friends are male. Writing up the guest list to my bridal shower and bachelorette party was extremely depressing…every other wedding I’ve been a part of, the bride has had 3-4 showers because there are so many people to invite. I could barely scrape together one and it made me feel sooo inadequate.

Post # 5
Member
962 posts
Busy bee

@loveknows: I realized that I don’t have a ton of friends either but I do have a few very good friends. My fiance had TONS of friends, but only 2 people he would consider very close. I have about 15 friends I want to invite, but I am SUPER close with all 15. People are just different

Post # 6
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

i’m right there with you – I used to have a lot of friends but my circle of friends had gotten smaller over the years but im ok with that! friendships are a lot of work haha and the friends I do have are true friends. I think i have maybe 3 good girl friends, 1 being my sister – and when i say friend i mean someone i can pick up the phone and call no matter what, not necessarily someone i spend a lot of time with (though i try) my husband is def my best friend 🙂 we have 1 couple friend we do alot of things with but thats about it and occassionaly my sister and her boyfriend. We both have pretty big families so we tend to gravitate to them -does family count as friends?

i manged with 5 BMs but i didnt have a bachelorette party or anything, and my showers were mostly my moms friends – It sounds really sad but really its not..id rather have a small group of good friends than many many friends that i could live without.

Post # 7
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Both my OH and I only have a handful of people we’d call true friends; I have 4 good friends, everyone else I know is more what I’d call an acquaintance; fun to invite to a party, but not someone you’d share secrets with.

 

A couple of my friends have loads and loads of ‘friends’. When I see them struggling to juggle their social life, having to cancel on people/let people down, and putting up with petty arguments and fights between different ‘factions’ of their groups, I’m actually pretty relieved I have only a few friends lo. Also, although they call these people their friends, I know that they wouldn’t turn to them in a crisis, as they just aren’t close enough.

There’s something to be said for quality being better than quantity 🙂 When it comes to our wedding, we want people there who we’re close to; we don’t want it to be a free-for-all, and invite all and sundry. I also think intimate weddings are more relaxing; I want to actually have time to spend with my guests, and not be stressing over the fact I haven’t thanked x for coming, or exchanged a few words with y.

Post # 8
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@loveknows:

You shouldn’t feel bad about not having alot of friends.  I just got married and neither my husband nor i have alot of friends. we do have alot of aquaintences, but none i would really want to share my most special day with!  I have to say our wedding was small and intimate with thirty guests total but it made it more special than i could ever imagine. I didn’t feel the pressure of having to impress anyone that i might have invited from the aquaintence side of things and we all just bonded naturally for the whole day. the conversations were great and none of our guests had the anxiety of trying to “get along” or make small talk with one another because we all knew eachother.  Maybe you are the type of person whom takes freindship very seriously and you don’t want to just consider anyone you know a friend. It’s a good thing not a bad one!  Iv’e been to weddings where there were alot of guests and i always felt uncomfortable. your thrown into a room with a bunch of strangers you don’t really know… and then your table setting is placed oh so not conviently away from the ones you do know… it wasn’t fun.

hope this make you feel better!

Post # 9
Member
1474 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I only have a few friends (depending on how you DEFINE a friend), but they are all very close to me. I would rather have a few close ones than a bunch of distant ones.

Post # 10
Member
5183 posts
Bee Keeper

I dont have MANY friends at all.. but I do have very close ones. I would rather party with 3 of my closest than 10 distant ones.. and by the looks of it.. 3 is all that will be there for the bach party lol

Post # 11
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Better to have a few good friends than a host of acquaintances you call friends. If you want peeps, invite family, friends, favorite acquaintances and friendly co-workers.

Post # 12
Member
3000 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m the same way. I have two relatives and two friends as bridesmaids, then I’m inviting only about 8-10 other “friends.” My Fiance is inviting about 35 friends. Our whole wedding will be about 150. It’s made me sad, but I’ve come to realize that it’s about quality, not quantity!

Post # 13
Member
2216 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@loveknows:I know how you feel.  I don’t have many friends either.  Fiance definitely is inviting more friends than me. 

I’ve always been a home body and somewhat shy.  I had a few good friends in high school, but when I got to college, I ended up getting stuck on a weird floor of girls.  I didn’t make any close girlfriends that year and ended up transferring schools so I could play on the tennis team.  When I transferred, it was a lot harder to make friends in an upperclass dorm, because everyone had already established their group of friends their freshman year.  I did have an awesome roommate, but she was an exchange student, so she left at the end of the year. 

It sucks.  Sometimes I feel like a loser, lol.

Post # 14
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’ve always been a quality over quantity girl when it comes to making and keeping friends, so I definitely understand how you’re feeling. When I was ‘waiting’ I used to worry about who would be in my bridal party since I only had a handful of close girlfriends, even though I had a ton of friends I had lost touch with since moving. Darling Husband and I even had an uneven wedding party because he has a ton of friends and wanted to include all of them!

But this ended up working in my favor, because my few close girlfriends are the most supportive and selfless people I have ever known. So wedding planning with them as my BM’s was so wonderful and such a great experience. I think having a huge bridal party is great, but it can create problems with people feeling left out, not getting along, not being that close to the bride in the first place, etc. So the grass is always greener, but be happy for the friends you do have!

Post # 15
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Like others, I have a small group of core friends, and that’s really all I need or have time for. Keeping up friendships is hard when you’re being pulled in so many different directions and have so many time commitments. I choose to have a small group of good friends, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Post # 16
Member
2786 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I 100% understand where you’re coming from….Fiance has a much larger group of friends than me, and also most of them are people he’s known since he was very young (5 years old!), so they’re also lifelong friends. While I’ve become friends with them all, I’m still always very aware that they’re “his” friends.

I’ve always had trouble staying friends with girls. My best friend and I sometimes joke that “girls are b**ches”, which I know is obviously not always the case, but I’ve just never been interested in drama, or coddling people, or spending 8 hours analyzing whether a guy likes you or not, and as a result I just don’t have a ton of girlfriends. (lol, re-reading that paragraph makes me sound mean…maybe that’s the REAL reason!)

My point is that you’re totally not alone, and as PP have said…you might not have a ton of people on your side at the wedding, but I bet that the people that WILL be there will be happy enough for you to make up for a million people 🙂

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