(Closed) Wedding planning made my relationship…..

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
3979 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Wedding planning is straining my relationship.  I’m looking for his support & help to make decisions… where as he’d just rather write a cheque. I hate doing it all alone!

How do I cope? I come on WB and get my wedding talk on 🙂 lol

Post # 4
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

it strained it to the point of me saying i didnt think we would last the 10months till the wedding day – but that opened up a whole world of communication between the 2 of us to regroup and refocus

def communication is the key

Post # 5
235 posts
Helper bee

both – strains it at times when we disagree, but stronger after we make up 🙂

Post # 6
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

It was a strain on ours, not necessarily because he didn’t help or want to help, but because I did a lot of DIY craft things that would take up all of my free time. He was a HUGE help in that he was the contact between us and our vendors and was able to talk pricing and negotiating where I did not want to take up my precious time worrying about that stuff; I told him what to say and he would call them when needed. He also was the one to call around everywhere when we first got engaged for availability and costs. When our original reception venue went out of business he called everyone throughout that mess as we had to find a new place and book a caterer for off-site.

So yeah, just the fact that we didn’t spend as much time together or I would cancel out on dinner plans or date nights with him really hurt his feelings, but he understood and still does understand as I really wanted things done a certain way. It turned out perfect and now our life is back to normal… the wedding strain didn’t follow us into married life.

Post # 7
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

…stronger. It has been quite the bonding experience. With this being an encore wedding for both of us and children being involved-it has been about us as a couple and about the four of us as a family. I know I have said this before, but it is amazing how your perspective changes about what is important as you get older. It is not as important (still important, just not AS important as I once thought they were) now about where it is, the flowers, tiny little details, etc.-what is very important to us is who is there. (hence my earlier post about some disappointments about people who are not attending).

I was so wrapped up in the tiny details the first time around-and now-I work full time as a special ed teacher, single parent with a mortgage and no child support-raising two kids on my own & am a full time mom to 2 rambunctious children (almost 6 year old twins) am planning and paying for this myself/ourselves-it is just different. I’m not saying that younger brides “don’t know”or that I’m/we’re some old farts-lol-it’s just interesting the things that I thought were so important before are just not as important anymore.

Post # 8
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

Stronger, definitely.

We both have options to veto things – he said no to my dog being in the wedding with my 4 yr old flowergirl, and cherry blossom invites. I said no to “chicken in a can” and insisted on a few things, like programs.

We communicate very well with each other. He doesn’t help on the DIY projects, but helped pick the venue, the menu, the music, etc… We talk things out and when one of us gets tired of talking weddings, we stop for a while. We are doing very low budget (under $2500) and a lot of the focus is on each other and family.

We don’t skip date nights and go days without talking wedding stuff. We’re learning to comprimise and to respect each other’s tolerance levels for certain things. It’s been a lot of fun, though stressful at times as well. 


*I’m not a typical bride and don’t care about a lot of things, so it’s pretty easy for us to figure things out and come to an agreement. I never envisioned my wedding before, so i don’t have expectations I want to meet.

Post # 9
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Tense. And I still have a little less than two months left, and I don’t see that changing. 

Post # 10
2022 posts
Buzzing bee

Good question.  Hard to say….this has been a pretty awesome year for us but insanely busy and stressful.  Getting married in a month, bought a house and moved, I am working a more stressful and consuming job, he is a resident working at least 80 hours a week.  So, we have very little down time or time to do the things we love – golfing, going to ball games, hanging on the couch….it is in part due to wedding stuff, but also in part due to life.  I am generally pretty stressed about wedding plans not because he’s not into it…he is just not around a lot.

Though I have to say that we are emotionally closer and stronger and generally happier than we were a year ago. 

Post # 11
2344 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It has caused some strained conversations but I think in the end it made us stronger because they have made us talk about things we needed to discuss.

Also, I feel like wedding planning has made our relationship more “gendered”. While I always felt like we had a very equal relationship without the typical gender roles, I think wedding planning has reinforced traditional gender roles in our relationship somewhat. Just the fact that I’m the one that’s planning everything, and he’s along for the ride for the most part — that’s redefined the dynamics of our relationship to a degree.

Post # 12
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Stronger and yet slightly stressful. It made us stronger because we’ve learned to make big decisions together and how to compromise. A little stressful dealing with budget concerns and sometimes I’d ask him for ideas and opinions and he wasn’t really interested. But we figured it out and we had a great little wedding!

Post # 13
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

more educated about each other’s quirks.  I learned so many odd quirks about my hubs preconcieved notions and the such during wedding planning that I never saw in our almost 3 years of dating.  For example, he had really strong opions on our invitation’s texture and the type of silverware used at our reception.  I think we learned he is more traditional than he likes to believe and that I am more “shabby chic” than I’d like to admit. 

Post # 14
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

hmm. Honestly, I don’t think it changed things too much. We did have our strains, but nothing more than usual and other non wedding things were much more stressful. I never had any sort of doubts about us getting married or splitting up before then. I guess we got lucky!

Post # 15
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It made us stronger for sure. He was involved every step of the way. He was also really supportive when we had to cancel one month prior to the wedding due to immigration issues. He cancelled everything by himself. We’re still waiting to start planning our wedding for next summer since we’re not in the same country right now 🙁 We have really similar taste and we had a blast envisionning the event!!

Post # 16
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

it’s a strain sometimes, but not because of him–more because of both sets of our parents. SIGH. Such is life, I guess.

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