- 10 years ago
- Wedding: July 2010
Boyfriend and I are planning on getting married sometime in the summer of 2010. He informed me yesterday that he can’t afford any "hardware" (engagement ring) until the end of the summer, but is ok looking at venues and scoping things out.
We happened to drive past a venue that I think might be a possiblity yesterday, so we stopped and checked it out. Totally possible! Except that they don’t host events between Memorial Day and Labor Day (what the heck!?) So this lead us into a discussion about when to get married.
As background, I feel like I’ve already "given" on where to get married. I really wanted to tie the knot on my parents dock at our lake place. He wants to in the town we both live and work in now. After a lot of discussion, I came around on getting married where our lives are now (and I mean a LOT of discussion, the lake place was the only place I’d ever dreamed of getting married at).
Fastforward to yesterday and the discussion of when to get married. I reminded him that since my family farms, July 15-September 15 is basically out. They’re harvesting. He informed me that that’s exactly when he wants to get married and it should be about us and our lives, not my extended family. I told him that I think it’ll have to be between June 1 and July 15. Then he gave me a "whatever you want to do" which felt like a really passive-agressive way of saying, "I disagree with you, but I don’t want to discuss it right now."
I thought about it this morning, and am so hurt by his comments. My family is important to me and he understands that. I know there is a chance they won’t come regardless of the timing, but I’d like to give them every opportunity to be there.
I’m frustrated because I’d like to lessen my anxiety by nailing down a date and location now (ok, maybe like yesterday, or last month!), which in my mind just takes the stress off of him. He can propose however he wants to, and then the month after getting engaged doesn’t get stressfull for finding a venue and date. In my mind, planning early means we have our choice of locations and dates, rather than being backed into a corner. I don’t think he gets that.
So here is my question: Should I just drop the whole wedding-planning stuff until after we are engaged? Like maybe in September (oh my god, I don’t know if I can do that!). Am I putting too much stress on something that’s still maybe as much as 5 months from really being an issue? Has anyone else experienced this? Please give me advice on how to not drive him crazy while still giving me peace of mind.
Sidenote: I wanted to elope. He wants the party.
Sidenote #2: I haven’t been able to stop thinking about wedding planning since we started talking about getting married in August of 2008. Part of me wishes he wouldn’t have brought it up until he was closer to proposing!!!
Thanks in advance!