Wedding Planning Stress and Depression (and dealing with a stressful mom)

posted 4 months ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
7667 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

What about your FI? Why don’t you lean on him to help you? It’s going to be his wedding too. 

Stop telling your mom things. It sounds like she’s a source of many of these problems, so stop torturing yourself with that. 

Lastly, tell US all the stuff you’re excited for, or overwhelmed with, or which napkins we like better. This site is literally full of people that live for that shit! 

Post # 3
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2020

I understand feeling burned out on the effort and worry that there will always be someone complaining about any decision you make. I’ve been trying to tell myself that it’s the truth that you can’t make everyone happy, so I just need to convince myself that I’ve done my best to plan a nice time for everyone.

But I am really not a fan of all of the expectation and etiquette surrounding weddings. I’ve found myself losing interest in the process regularly because I hate making phone calls and trying to answer questions I either haven’t thought about or don’t care about. I hate having to even ponder things like, “Does it really matter if I address the invitations by hand, or can I just use clear labels because it’s honestly neater and less of a waste of time?”

I have one friend who lives in another state. I’ve asked her to be my bridesmaid, but I’ve avoided talking about the wedding too much because I don’t want her to feel like she is expected to do anything. I’ll be happy if she just comes. My brother is my Man of Honor, and while he will do anything I ask of him, he doesn’t care about weddings, so I don’t talk to him about it either. 

I am fortunate in that my mother has been supportive, but she is also big on etiquette, and my parents are also contributing financially in a substantial way, so I’ve occasionally felt slightly pressured to change or add things because I want my parents to approve. There have been some things I’ve felt strongly about so that I’ve just made decisions and told them after the fact because I didn’t want input. Meanwhile I’ve involved them a lot in the things they care most about, the food and bar, so they seem satisfied.

Can you trust your Fiance to handle some things himself? My Fiance is responsible for the photographer and DJ because those are two decisions about which I have the least knowledge or interest to pursue on my own.

I also agree with jellybellynelly that it can help to share things here, because there are always people here who want to talk about wedding stuff. And in the end, we’re also all strangers, which is convenient honestly because you can solicit opinions and then ignore them if you want! It’s whatever you want to make of it. 

Post # 4
Member
1948 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

kmarie13 :  Awww bee I’m so sorry people are making this so difficult for you.  Wedding planning is indeed stressful all on its own without other people trying to pile on.  With that said here a suggestion or two:

First.  For those who want to criticize, the info train stops okay?  Including your mother.  You may want to choose someone else to confide in OP cause mom ain’t it.  Stop giving her the green light to push your buttons. You may need to keep limited contact for the sake of your sanity.

From here on out its “thanks I’ve got it covered” “things are going well” “I’ve got a nice wedding dress”…I mean just general answer to questions okay?  And if they still want to criticize….”Thanks for your input but I’ll do My wedding MY way” and leave it at that.  There needs to be more “fuck em its what I want” and less “are my decisions right?”  Remember, its YOUR wedding.  If they don’t like it they don’t have to come.

Second….if you really need the emotional support get thee to counseling!  Its the one place where you can let it all out.  Also, where is your Fiance in all this?  Why aren’t you getting support from him?  You need to be letting him in all of this instead of suffering in silence.  

Thirdl, as far as wedding planning is concerned, if I were you I’d seriously consider hiring a  Day OF Planner so that you can concentrate on enjoying your day and not with putting out fires. 

Keep your head up bee.  It won’t last forever and soon you’ll be married to your best friend!

Post # 5
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2020 - Gatlinburg, TN

I would suggest putting the naysayers like your mom on an information diet. “Planning is going very well, thank you!” If they ask. You don’t need to run every decision by them (I realize this is easier said than done), especially if they are just going to poo poo on your ideas, or say dismissive things like “maybe you shouldn’t have a wedding then.” It May seem isolating knowing there aren’t many people in your life you can talk to about this stuff, but that’s the nice thing about forums like this one, because you can get some great feedback from a nonbiased point of view from people going through the same thing as you.

Post # 6
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2021

You have a lot of love here, so do read all your responses.  I can only say that you and you alone have to put your foot down.  Tell people, “We are not discussing our wedding day with anyone because it becomes too stressful.  I know you understand all the work that is involved.  And, we do look forward to sharing our special day with you!”   

My poor cousin went through the same thing you are going through.  They both had to team up and speak to both sets of parents discussing their grievances.  They got a lot of flack and threats with money being taken away.  They wound up canceling and then rescheduling a year later and said NOTHING!  Folks were shocked to get the formal wedding invite.  But in the end they paid for the wedding they wanted and everyone showed up and had a great time.  It was wonderful.  She got a coordinator and everything was set up beautifully.  They took their power back and that’s what you should do too.  It’s harder to do than to say, but sometimes we have to fight our wedding battles.  Only then will you enjoy the process.  Everyone wants to be a busybody or boss you around.  Don’t let them.  Tell hubs to step up to the plate!  Good luck!  We’re routing for you!

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