Post # 1
My fiance and I are going to our venue this weekend for our wedding tasting (yay!) My parents and his mom/stepdad are also coming with us. We invited my parents because they are funding the majority of the wedding, and we invited his mom/stepdad because they are helping us out quite a bit also. We haven’t told his dad/stepmom yet that we invited the other parent. I thought we could get away with just not saying anything about it, but I’m sure they will find out. It isn’t like we are keepig it a secret – we just haven’t told him directly. Anyways, I am sure they will be peeved.. Should we tell them or let them find out thruogh the grapevine? His parents still don’t get along to this day and they always get mad when we spend the holiday with the other parent, etc.
On a side note, I’m sure this is stupid, but they are watching our dog while we go away for the night and I’m worried they won’t be nice to her!!
Post # 3
@Sea_Ashley: I think you should just mention it. No one should be surprised.
My parents are divorced, both re-married, as are FI’s. I would definately say something. It sounds like you are more worried about how they will feel verses you needing/wanting people there. They will get over it. And if someone decides not to show, then they didn’t have to be there after all. But it’s not up to them. It’s up to you. When they got divorced with children, they knew one day would likely come that they would have to be in the same room for something. That is their issue to handle, not yours.
Just let them know, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I’ve also invited ___. So it will be “FI, me, You, ___ and ____”. Then drop it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
I try to avoid conflict between my divorced parents as much as possible. As a result, I don’t either one of them super involved in wedding planning. My mom went dress shopping with me and that is pretty much it. Everything else I have done on my own with my FH. However, we are paying for our wedding ourselves so we don’t really care about our parents’ preferences regarding decor and the menu.
Yes, his dad and stepmom will probably have their feelings hurt. Why don’t you plan to include them in some other event or aspect in the near future? I would let them know that you are going to a tasting with your parents and the mom and stepdad but you would like to meet up with them for brunch or dinner in the next week or two to discuss their role in the wedding. I would not point out that the other parents get more say because they are paying unless the father of the groom offers to pay and then say thank you and ask what aspect they want to be involved in.
Post # 5
I’d tell them. My guess is that if you don’t make a big deal out of it, neither will they. Also, thank them for helping out with the wedding planning by taking care of your dog while you make this trip, and that you know she’s in good hands.
My parents both brought other SOs to my sister’s wedding. My father had just gotten a dog, and my mother loved dogs–anyway, at breakfast the day of the wedding, he was telling my mother a funny story about it, and she was enjoying the story. It was neat to see, them rising above their personal bitterness and just happy on the day. They may have been apprehensive about seeing each other beforehand, but it ended up not being important on the actual wedding day.
Post # 6
I would mention it. ONLY because, one parent always seems to get themself all worked about wedding related stuff in my experience. Maybe give his dad/stepmom another event or wedding related thing to help you out with?
It sucks because it’s similar to having children that you need to equally divide your time with, but it’s magnified tenfold when it comes to planning a wedding.
Post # 7
I’d let them just find out. Try not to let it be a big deal. The people who are contributing financially are the ones who are getting to help you make the decision.. simple.
It’s so ridiuclous of them to be petty about things like holidays. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
Post # 8
At first I thought you were saying that you invited both sets of your FI’s parents and that you didn’t want one to know that the other will be there. However, in re-reading your post, it seems that you invited your parents and his mother and stepfather, but you are NOT inviting his father and stepmother, whose job it will be to care for your dog while you are at this meeting.
Are your FI’s father and stepmother contributing at all to the venue portion of your wedding?
Post # 9
@Sea_Ashley: Honestly, I’d let your Fiance handle it in his way. My parents are divorced and when it comes to handling things that come up, I prefer my husband let me figure it out and handle it and offer his advice if I ask. It’s just easier that way.