(Closed) Wedding Planning with No Proposal

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
60 posts
Worker bee

Oh hun, that sounds tough. I think that at some point (possibly not tonight as you don’t want to spoil you VDay evening) butyou need to sit down toegther and talk this through. I know you say he knows that you would liek to be engaged before the first party but it might be worthwhile talking it through somemore so he realsies how important it is for you but also dicuss why he hasn’t tlaked this through with other’s and explain your concerns.

I am sure he is just being very male about these things but It is worth talkinh through some more if you are still feeling really down about it!


Post # 4
2491 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@cllittle5098:  I understand your fears and insecurities and I think he does need to propose. I agree with your friends and family who think that he might not ever do so. If he doesn’t need to and procrastinates, who knows?

I don’t mean to be debbie downer here, but I do think you need to have a serious talk with him about all of this. Let him know that you love him and want to marry him, but you don’t think you can continue with all these processes (visa, engagement parties, elopement) without being formally engaged.

The red flag I see is that you guys have decided to get married since around Christmas (I’m guessing that time since that is when you told your family) but he hasn’t even told his parents! Why? My parents might assume a lot (i.e. my Fiance asked for my hand) but I still went over to show them the ring and officially tell them.

Good luck! Hopefully you can set a timeline and things can be done the way you want.

Post # 5
1430 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@cllittle5098:  I understand how much the whole immigration process sucks. SO and I are going to be going through it soon, just the other way around (I’m American trying to permanently immigrate to Canada). Did you tell him though how much you really want to be engaged before you start planning stuff? I know I told my boyfriend that I would really LOVE to be engaged before I start my permanent residency process. And from the looks of it, we’ll either be engaged before we start or soon afterwards anyway. I’d sit down and talk to him and tell him how you feel about everything. Say something along the lines of “honey I’m happy we’re this process so we can live together and start a future, but it would mean alot to me if you would actually propose before we have the engagement party.”

Post # 6
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I have been in a similar situation as you, but DH and I didn’t live together and we *decided* to get married while I was over on a long visit.  Because it was going to involve such a big move, and continuing to travel back and forth just wasn’t practical… so we decided, let it sink in for a while and told our family and friends we were starting the visa process, and did most of our wedding planning long distance.  The ring and the proposal were a big deal to him, though I told him being together was the important part, and because we were rushing it – not to worry about a ring, etc…. but he planned his proposal for when I returned to stay for good and did it exactly the way he wanted.  

I suppose I felt “engaged” and was engaged without the proposal, and it felt official when the paperwork was set in motion – as boring a way to feel official as it was.  It was just what our situation allowed it to be.  Engagements with visa/green card requirements do have awkward time constraints which can make it feel less romantic… but I bet your man just wants to get the ring and the proposal right.  We told our parents in a kind of “so yeah….we’re going to get a fiance visa and yeah….” so I can see why he might have told his parents focusing on the move to California.

But like others have said, if you are feeling hurt, you should talk to him.

Good luck!

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