(Closed) Wedding plans and a competitive sister

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

She is being really jealous.  And the best thing you can do is not argue with her and keep a smile on your face.  If you’re miserable, then she wins.

If she can’t be happy being a bridesmaid and having her children in the wedding, then you can simply give her the option to not participate.  She isn’t happy if you pay for everything and she isn’t happy if she has to pay for everything (WTF!?).  So ask if she actually wants to be involved at all.

It’s your wedding and you can do whatever you want.  And you certainly don’t have to deal with critics who aren’t happy for you.  Only involve people in the wedding who are truly happy for you, happy to be there for you, and who want to participate.

Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SweetHoneyBee:  I think you need to have a ‘talk’ with her. A “I love you but either shut up or help” talk. Have you spoken to your mother about this? Tell her she either needs to be supportive or just shut up.

Post # 5
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t feed her. The best thing you can do for yourself and the worst thing you can do to her is to be so completely happy on your day and not buy into her crap and drama. 

Post # 6
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

This is crazy for someone who is 37. She’s probably just jealous. I’d ignore it.

Post # 8
Member
1736 posts
Bumble bee

It sounds like your sister probably has some regrets about the way her life turned out and she is projecting that onto you and her mother. The fact of the matter is, what your parents choose to contribute is their business and no one elses’. Furthermore, what YOU choose for your wedding is YOUR business. She is entitled to her opinions, but she doesn’t need to share them. In fact, she should be tactful and gracious and keep them to herself. Perhaps you should try to appeal to her sensitive side by asking how she would have felt if the roles had been reversed and you were the older sister that was constantly criticizing and making her feel small.

Your sister may have been a catalyst for some drama, but the fight that started between you and your Mom was because you hung up on her… lesson learned. Don’t hang up on Mom! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee

I never agree w/the “just ignore it” mentality. When someone is that insecure/negative, ignoring them is likely to only make them try harder to rain on your parade.

I would tell her it really seems like she doesn’t want to be involved & that her hateful behavior is ruining a time of your life that should be happy. Give her an ultimatum: ‘Either keep negative comments to yourself or stay away.” It’s the most important day of your life up until this point… Having someone discrediting it @ every turn is something you don’t deserve.

I have to say, too, shame on your mother for not putting her in her place. It definitely sounds like someone needs to! I come from a long line of passive-aggressive women & little annoys me more than that kind of behavior. TELL SOMEONE when they’re truly upsetting you & that you won’t stand for it. People would be surprised how much more drama-free this behavior will make their lives in the long run.

I really hope you sort it out. You deserve better! Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Maybe ask your family to stop sharing these kinds of details with your sister? Why does she even need to know what your parents are paying or any other details besides where to show up and even that doesn’t need to be divuldged until closer to the wedding. If she is just going to create drama about everything I would personally just stop including her in any of the details for planning.

Post # 13
Member
254 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Your sister sounds horrid. There’s no point arguing with her though. I would ask your Mom to stop sharing details with her. I would also stop talking to her about the wedding. When she asks, just say  everything is fine. I will then find an excuse to ask her to step down from the wedding, say something sweet like you had so much trouble with it I don’t want to burden you anymore..etc.

Then have a great time  during your wedding..nothing she can say bout it. If she says your ring is tacky you can say..its the trend right now, if its tacky i don’t want to be right. I would be so catty back to remarks like that.

 

Post # 14
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Your sister sounds like a peach. She needs to put on her big-girl panties and grow the hell up.

I would leave her out of wedding details because she is going to criticize everything you do. Keep the details between the people who actually need to know and only tell her what is absolutely necessary.

It sucks that you have to blacklist your sister from wedding fun, but it sounds like it might be best for your peace of mind.

Post # 15
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@SweetHoneyBee:  So out of respect and cosideration for my mom I have yet to say anything.

I sent a text message out the other day to all my maids with a picture of our venue saying we had finally put the deposit down on it.


So yeah, you didn’t keep your end of the bargain.  Do not talk to her about your wedding.  At all.  By now, she knows what to wear, where to be, etc.  Let her get information from other people, but don’t let yourself get dragged into this drama.  
 

Post # 16
Member
788 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Wow your sister sounds like a brat! I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this. At the end of the day, she had her day and its your turn to have yours. I agree that you should speak with her about her behaviour, but maybe wait until she cools off a bit, and continue to plan your wedding. Unfortunately, weddings seem to bring out the worst in the people who should love you best. Stay strong, dear.

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