(Closed) Wedding Present for Ex-Fiance

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I think you should absolutely make the letter to both of them, and make it clear that you are just wishing them happiness together, and glad that you were both able to find true happiness, but with other people (ok, maybe not that las part, but you get the idea)

Post # 4
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

i agree that you should address the letter to both of them. What about a gift card to wherever theyre registered? and maybe sign it from you and your Fiance.

Post # 5
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I think it’s really sweet of you to think of them.  I would definitely address the letter to both of them, since your purpose is to congratulate them both on their wedding.  


Post # 6
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I also think you should address it to the both of them, and the idea of the gift card to where they registered is a good idea.
I would have appreciated that kind of gesture as it shows you’re supportive of everything – I don’t think she’d be mad..

Post # 7
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I think it is really nice that that you want to acknowledge their marriage and celebrate with them.

However, if I was that bride, I would be horrified to receive a gift from my fiance’s ex. 1) Because we did not invite you to the wedding. and 2) Because we do not see her socially and (as you mentioned) I have never met you.

Again, I think it is very nice that you are thinking of them, but I think in this case it is best to keep your distance.

Post # 8
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am with rosepinkslipper on this one – I would be really uncomfortable if we received a gift from FI’s ex.

You have never met this girl, you are not invited to the wedding, and you hardly keep in touch with him.  If I were her, I would interpret a gift from you as a reminder that he was once ready to spend the rest of his life with someone else – not exactly a fun thought when you’re getting married.

However, you know your relationship best, but if you do send something DEFINITELY address it to both of them.

Post # 9
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Add me to the uncomfortable camp. Especially a gift that large (though I suppose it may be the norm in your circles–it isn’t in mine). Maybe just stick with a congratulatory note to the both of them.

Post # 10
219 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I tend to lean towards the line of thinking that both rosepinkslipper and runskiclimb have posted.

Post # 11
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I’m with rosepinkslipper.  I recently received a wedding gift from my ex who we did not invite to the wedding, who has not met my Fiance, and who I do not regularly keep in touch with.  I was totally weirded out that he took the time to find our registry online and send us something. 

Its a nice thought, but I’m sure your ex-fiancee’s fiancee does not want to be reminded of his past relationships as they prepare for their wedding.

Post # 12
3363 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I also would stay out of it.  Spend the money on yourself! 

Post # 13
9 posts
  • Wedding: September 2010

Nice thought, but he’s an EX for a reason.  I’d be pissed if my fiance’ wanted to send a gift to an Ex-fiance’.  Move on.

Post # 14
4765 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas

I agree that it may be a bit uncomfortable, especially a gift that substantial. If you want to send a card, that’s great, but I’d be a bit uncomfortable if my FI’s ex who wasn’t invited to the wedding and I had never met chose to send us a gift.

Post # 15
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

How would your Fiance feel if you recieve a wedding gift of that amount from Your Ex at your wedding? Would he be offended or weird about it? Or how would you feel if one of your FI’s ex sends you a gift? I tend to think it would make your Ex’s Fiance uncompfortable. I know it would eark me if I was her. I especially wouldn’t want to be reminded of my Husbands past relationships the day of or right before or after my wedding. Sometimes I think it’s better to just move on & let things in the Past stay there. It’s nice that you are thinking of them; but I think it’s a bad move.

Post # 16
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

that’s a really sweet sentiment, BUT I’m with the “uncomfortable” girls. You can feel those feelings and that’s wonderful to WANT to do something – but I think its the actual DOING part that needs to be considered.

My Fiance was married for a very brief time, so I’m thinking of it like this… I’d feel uncomfortable if she sent us a gift. I’ve never met her. they’re on fine terms. again, they were highschool/college sweeties so were together quite a few years. I just don’t think its the place to give a gift to them. I’d find that to be a very strange thank you note to write haha

I think a card within a month of them being amrried is wonderful. Def. not before the wedding though. Let that time be theirs.

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