Post # 1
My ex-fiance’s wedding is coming up this spring. Neither one of us talk except for occasional cards and texts. The groom and I dated for five years, but there are no current hard feelings and I have never met the bride.
I know that I am not invited to the wedding, but I would like to send them a present (a couple hundred dollar check I was thinking because I wouldn’t want either to be reminded of me if I bought them a gift instead). I want to send a gift in order to wish them well in the future and for their happiness. Even though I don’t talk to the groom anymore, he was my best friend for nearly a decade.
Does anyone believe that the bride would have a problem with a congratulatory note and a present? In no way, shape or form would I want for her to be mad at me.
Should I direct the letter to both of them?
Post # 3
I think you should absolutely make the letter to both of them, and make it clear that you are just wishing them happiness together, and glad that you were both able to find true happiness, but with other people (ok, maybe not that las part, but you get the idea)
Post # 4
i agree that you should address the letter to both of them. What about a gift card to wherever theyre registered? and maybe sign it from you and your Fiance.
Post # 5
I think it’s really sweet of you to think of them. I would definitely address the letter to both of them, since your purpose is to congratulate them both on their wedding.
Post # 6
I also think you should address it to the both of them, and the idea of the gift card to where they registered is a good idea.
I would have appreciated that kind of gesture as it shows you’re supportive of everything – I don’t think she’d be mad..
Post # 7
I think it is really nice that that you want to acknowledge their marriage and celebrate with them.
However, if I was that bride, I would be horrified to receive a gift from my fiance’s ex. 1) Because we did not invite you to the wedding. and 2) Because we do not see her socially and (as you mentioned) I have never met you.
Again, I think it is very nice that you are thinking of them, but I think in this case it is best to keep your distance.
Post # 8
I am with rosepinkslipper on this one – I would be really uncomfortable if we received a gift from FI’s ex.
You have never met this girl, you are not invited to the wedding, and you hardly keep in touch with him. If I were her, I would interpret a gift from you as a reminder that he was once ready to spend the rest of his life with someone else – not exactly a fun thought when you’re getting married.
However, you know your relationship best, but if you do send something DEFINITELY address it to both of them.
Post # 9
Add me to the uncomfortable camp. Especially a gift that large (though I suppose it may be the norm in your circles–it isn’t in mine). Maybe just stick with a congratulatory note to the both of them.
Post # 10
I tend to lean towards the line of thinking that both rosepinkslipper and runskiclimb have posted.
Post # 11
I’m with rosepinkslipper. I recently received a wedding gift from my ex who we did not invite to the wedding, who has not met my Fiance, and who I do not regularly keep in touch with. I was totally weirded out that he took the time to find our registry online and send us something.
Its a nice thought, but I’m sure your ex-fiancee’s fiancee does not want to be reminded of his past relationships as they prepare for their wedding.
Post # 12
I also would stay out of it. Spend the money on yourself!
Post # 13
Nice thought, but he’s an EX for a reason. I’d be pissed if my fiance’ wanted to send a gift to an Ex-fiance’. Move on.
Post # 14
- Wedding: January 2011 - Vintage Villas
I agree that it may be a bit uncomfortable, especially a gift that substantial. If you want to send a card, that’s great, but I’d be a bit uncomfortable if my FI’s ex who wasn’t invited to the wedding and I had never met chose to send us a gift.
Post # 15
How would your Fiance feel if you recieve a wedding gift of that amount from Your Ex at your wedding? Would he be offended or weird about it? Or how would you feel if one of your FI’s ex sends you a gift? I tend to think it would make your Ex’s Fiance uncompfortable. I know it would eark me if I was her. I especially wouldn’t want to be reminded of my Husbands past relationships the day of or right before or after my wedding. Sometimes I think it’s better to just move on & let things in the Past stay there. It’s nice that you are thinking of them; but I think it’s a bad move.
Post # 16
that’s a really sweet sentiment, BUT I’m with the “uncomfortable” girls. You can feel those feelings and that’s wonderful to WANT to do something – but I think its the actual DOING part that needs to be considered.
My Fiance was married for a very brief time, so I’m thinking of it like this… I’d feel uncomfortable if she sent us a gift. I’ve never met her. they’re on fine terms. again, they were highschool/college sweeties so were together quite a few years. I just don’t think its the place to give a gift to them. I’d find that to be a very strange thank you note to write haha
I think a card within a month of them being amrried is wonderful. Def. not before the wedding though. Let that time be theirs.