Okay dear…heres my POV…take or leave it…
My “husband” is Coast Guard. We were high-school sweethearts, we’ve been together for currently 6 1/2 years and working on our 4 year marriage anniversary. This is how we feel.
After graduation, he proposed (after 2yrs together), I accepted. He joined the military for career at age 17. I went to college. Two years passed and we remained engaged, him in Texas, myself in Alabama. He came from a very close family. Family is a big deal to him. I came from a family that loves each other, but also loves to be miles away from each other and only has to see each other for holidays. He hated being without me and without his family after all we had been basically with each everyday for 2 years…one year prior and now he didn’t have anyone…And I started to get bored with school. I got to a point that I wasn’t able to pass a particular set of classes despite how well I had done through out the rest of school. I began to wonder if I had chosen the right field. Our relationship started to suffer and neither one of us was happy so after some pretty extreme events, he drove home all night long one night and told me he was going to go A-Wall until I said I would move back with him. Craziest thing I every did. So that week I finished up the classes I was taking (which I did okay in) and told my parents I was moving out, that I would figure out how to do it on my own. They were furious, hurt, sad, disappointed, but nothing could stop me. We had tried for 2 years to do everything right, finish school, get his career started, stay engaged over long distance, but the only thing we hadn’t tried was the one thing we didn’t want to do…just what we were about to do…the wrong thing. Well, two months passed, we managed to get our own place, with a little help from the military as far as keeping me a secret and allowing me an extended vacation in the bachelor gov’t leased apt. with permission (which is a big no-no even with permission). I had a good stable job (by the first day I was out there) and was already back in school, doing farely well, and paying out of pocket…mind you no allowances or help from the military as we were not married. We were too stubborn to get married. We were going to do it right. Then I got sick, and thankfully I recovered w/o needing the help of doctors or insurance which I had neither at this point. My parents finally gave in and gave us their “blessing” which was half of why weren’t married…we didn’t want to upset anyone, we just wanted to be together, we both do better together (still to this day, were best friends, and were a package, we live our own lives, but do it better together) They begged us to please just go to the Justice of the Peace stop being so hardheaded and trying to do it all own our own, we have proved enough already, and event sent us a nice big check for a gift to both pay for the services and as a wedding present. Which was the other half. His parents had no way to pay, nor did we, but my family who was very capable, refused. Not b/c they didn’t want us married, but they like to keep to themselves.. especially my side (which is split and has been since I was 5 …x’s 3 divorces on each side) So I too, would say, they don’t get along and they DEF didn’t want to celebrate together something like this. But ultimately, they didn’t want to host it. Weddings, really any functions, they don’t like to participate, they’re loners and don’t like company per se. So they did agree at one time to send us on a cruise, or a trip even, some kind of eloping event. That wasn’t at all why we wanted a ceremony. Our reasons weren’t vain….It was just (esp since I had become so close to his family) we wanted to celebrate, the uniting of 2 families, of several members, not just ourselves..Family is a big tradition in my Husb. and My eyes/our family. It was important for us to have a moment that was a milestone for this.
Well we went to the Justice of the Peace, not on our anniversary as we had atleast wanted, and just did it. Our vows that day, were provided by them, were so special. They were completely religious, and although my husb is just getting to touch the relig. side of his life now, Christiainity was a big deal for me as I was raised southern baptist (but on my own, as no one ever went to church with me, even as a child, and I was nvr a regular, but I was in my life). I couldn’t have picked or wrote, esp at that time as marriage teaches you so much what vows really are and mean, more perfect vows for us. But we still agreed: It was still imperative that we share this with our family, so it was said then that if it did not happen in a year, we would do it on our 5 year.
Guess What!? Next tues. my wedding dress will be delievered to my house. I recieved the tiara, yesterday and veil by friday. We have a year and a half until that day but everyday we chunck a few more pennies into the event by buying gently used or preowned items. I am a crafter and I also work for a craft store (yes I def. use that to my adv.) and I do weddings (tiny budget) and showers on the side for dear friends, as often as stuff like that happens around us all the time due to military. Its always worth it to make someones budget go so far. I did a wedding a year ago for 2 dear friends of mine, and had a bystander walk up off the beach and ask who was the planner…the little help that I had pointed at me. She asked “This is so beautiful, What do you charge?” I thought we were going to have to call an EMT when I said nothing. The bride spent about 200.00 on decor and well I just put it all together with a few things from my personal crafting stuff. She looked at me and said… I paid $2000 for my daughters decor and it wasn’t half as beautiful as this…
This happens to me all the time.. I love to put together events but I now refuse to do it as a business as it takes away the passion and fun. However, I use what I have for myself. Right now its time. It doesnt matter how much your budget is, its what it means, A $500.00 wedding can be just as beautiful because it was so long waited for, or so badly wanted…vs. a 20K wedding that just had it b/c life delt the right cards. Its what it means…which ultimately brings me to my final points.
Our wedding (as I refer to it) is a vow renewal ceremony and a wedding. I haven’t decided the exact wording yet all though I love “One this day…. I will marry my best friend….(AGAIN!)” or “I do, AGAIN!”. The thing is it is a wedding, b/c NO we never had one. We went to a court house and got married. WE HAD A MARRIAGE PREFORMED. We are going to have a wedding ((a ceremony celebrating two people (most often) in marriage)). See we never had a ceremony.
You call it whatever your heart desires.
Other things we will have or not have are as follows…
we will have a bridal party (6 females: 6 males) as of the moment
-these are people that have influenced our marriage in the last 5 years.
we will not have a best man/maid of honor….
-however we will have our dog there wearing a referee shirt (as people love to joke about our “fight club” and bickering…we are a married couple thats for sure. That shirt will have a veil attached on back, as she married into this family too… there will be words on the shirt that say “Best Dog of Honor”.
-Next, I too have dreamed of an outside wedding, but not beach, but on grass, but I haven’t decided on shoes yet…lol
-My family doesn’t like to come to these things, and b/c when we tried to celebrate the first round a bout, everyone went nuts and didn’t like it for what knot reasons, we are not telling them…They’ll just find out when they get the invite…this helps out in a lot of ways. First, they dont critize that we are wasting our money or that it is pointless, they will come as they know what it means to us…they will be civilized, only b/c family members have a way of doing that when theyre suppose too. We do exactly what we want…i.e. if I want the dog in the wed, the dog shall be in the wed. Same with alcohol. And then theyre not chuncking money at us and holding it over our heads in the following years..if and once they receive their invite they decide they want to help, then if we need it will take it, but by this time, everything will be taken care of mostly so o well.
We do remain in our budget by being flexible. If something we really have always wanted isn’t available to us…we improvise but only to things that dont change our entire idea…we wont look back and regret that.
And last, one point I keep coming across that doesnt involve the family or wording is very similar. I want a military ceremony, husband isn’t quite on board yet, we’ll fig that out soon, I may to compromise for instance, but I have to rem its his wedding too…and he actuallyd does care….but back to my point if we do, we have several groomsmen that will be in uniform and there in itself is a debate…A lot of people feel both ways, that it is wonderful and ideal, saves money, and represents something more, something unique only 10% of the world can share and reminds us of something greater, and ultimately, in my opinion is our life, it puts bread on the table it tells us where to go and what to do, and as a wife, I have to give in, I have no choice on a lot of things. However, others believe it is disrespectful, esp to the groom. I disagree. As what I have read mostly states that a military cerem is to honor and respect the bride and it is to honor her request, as it is her day. Basically once my hus and I agree on whether or not were going to do it, if we do, then its our choice, AGAIN, to prove my point, do what you want…its your/yalls day, not your families or anybody else who criticizes what you should call it b/c those are just words, etiquitte is a thing of opinion too!
May you have a happy ever after when and however you decide to celebrate it! God bless!