(Closed) Wedding Register Etiquette. Need help with wording!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
46326 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Somehwere along the line, you have forgotten what a gift is. It is not you specifying exactly which gift card, in what denomination, would suit you.

Your guests are free to give you a gift of their choice, or not.

Maybe you should investigate this site:


Post # 5
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

IMO I think you should just not register at Amazon. That will take care of the gift cards to Amazon. It’s a popular store, and you’ll most likely find yourself getting gift cards to there. Can you part with the few things you registered for at Amazon? If I were you, I wouldn’t register for specific denominations to any store. But that’s just my opinion. We got all kinds of gift cards from Target, ranging from $20 to $100. If you limit yourself, people may not give more.

Post # 7
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I’m really not an ettiquette snob, but I really don’t think there is a tactful way to say that…. I guess you could always put where you registries are and that you would also love gift cards from William Sonoma and JC Penny. If its a major deal to you I would just over register at the places you want gift cards and plan to return things….


But I think that you want more from one place than another is impossible to relay, and futile, how is someone going to know who else has gotten you gift cards where?


 @julies1949: agree

Post # 8
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should just deregister from Amazon too. There is no other way to avoid getting gift cards from there in a tactful way.

Post # 9
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Could you just “unregister” at Amazon and buy those items on your own? I’m sure you’ll get gifts you don’t want and can return (usually happens) to get a bit of money back from JCP and Williams Sonoma. I don’t think there’s a good way to say what you’re getting at, though I understand.

Post # 11
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Elleymae: What you have worded is probably the most tactful way to get your point accross, but you will get gift cards everywhere, even places you don’t list or didn’t register, just like you will get random gifts, it is what it is, so be prepared for that….

Post # 12
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I guess I don’t understand. You don’t want a lot of gift cards to amazon and you dont want much there – then why even register there? Why is it a non-negotiable? I personally would un-register at amazon. Or stay registered and just not share that registry widely. I wouldnt include a note about your preference to some stores, but not amazon. Even if you put a note about gift cards, you can’t control what your guests do. You likely won’t get everything you registered for – especially if they are more pricey items. I’d just direct guests toward the other registries and then use any cash you receive to purchase the few amazon items you feel you need.

Post # 14
358 posts
Helper bee

You will undoubtedly get straight cash gifts, no matter how many/where you are registered. Can always use that cash directly for the need to have Amazon items. Usually that cash comes the day of the wedding though, so if you need the Amazon items sooner, you obviously wouldnt go this route.

Post # 15
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Those of you who are saying that, if guests really are free to give you a gift of their choice, then registries are ridiculous and should be completely ignored; or that registering is stupid because you can’t “ask” for things, but registering IS asking for things; are understandably confused. You are also quite right, as long as you are talking about the modern “gift” registry — which I like to refer to as the “letter-to-the-wedding-Santa” type of registry. It really is self-serving, mercenary, and undermining to your self-reliance and self-respect, to name a list of valuables for which you think you would be the appropriate charity-recipient.

But such registries are only faking respectability, by stealing the name from the more traditional “household” (NOT “gift”) registry. Traditional household-goods registries are acceptable because they are a private service offered by a department store to a housewife. They are intended to help her keep track of all the heirloom-quality goods she needs to set up a gracious traditional home in order to fulfil her traditional duties as mother, wife and hostess: linen sheets for making up the guestroom bed for overnight guests, bone china for serving birthday and Christmas dinners, crystal for toasting the future of hoped-for children at their baptisms or graduations. The registry is a place where she can list all her patterns and needs, and then acquire them over the years as her household expands.

Even in more gracious times, guests did indeed use a bride’s household registry as a guide to choosing gifts for her. Once guests know her china pattern or linen-sizes, they can make their own choice of open-stock pieces in the same pattern, or linens in the same size, or they can choose something from her own long-term plans to help her complete that part of her household equipage sooner, knowing that she would have bought it for herself sooner or later. There’s also a guilty pleasure for the guest to doing this, in that they are getting to “snoop” in an almost-socially-acceptable manner, into a private arrangement between the bride and her supplier. And they didn’t feel that they were being dictated to, because they had to take the initiative to do the snooping.

Household registries are acceptable, because you put them together for your own convenience, not for your own material gain. Gift registries are, really, quite vulgar. Unfortunately few department stores will maintain an old-fashioned household registry any more, though there are still a few who will, and in this age of cloud computing and good database software, there are also good alternatives to managing your household planning that do not rely on department stores’ defunct participation in good etiquette.

Post # 16
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

@aspasia475: Bravo! I take pleasure in reading your responses regarding etiquette. If my fiance and I feel that a registry Is comparable to sending notes to the “wedding Santa”, how do we convey this to the guests in our social circle who are expecting a registry? 

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