Post # 1
We are registered at Amazon, JC Penney and Williams Sonoma. Most of our gifts are super expensive. We know a lot of guests will not be able to afford the gifts, and some will. We didn’t want to add stuff to the registry just so that we could have “cheaper” items for people to purchase. We really don’t need a lot of things (we’ve lived together a long time) but the things we registered for, we really need!
We are accepting gift cards to the stores. But I want to put in the description on our website that we want more gift cards from Williams Sonoma than JC Penney and don’t want gift cards to Amazon.
There’s not much we want on Amazon and I’m afraid that if we don’t put something about it, that people might gravitate to gift cards from there, thinking, “you can buy anything at amazon so I’ll make it easy for them!” We don’t want that. JC Penney luckily has a thing where you can register for specific amounts of gift cards and specific denominations. So we registererd for 10 $10.00 cards, and 10 $25.00 cards. Still, I think if we don’t say something about it on our website people will buy amazong gift cards or more JC Penney than we want.
I realize a gift is a gift, and I should be grateful for whatever we get, but it would be nice to actually KEEP all of our gifts instead of goodwilling someone’s best intentions.
Post # 3
Somehwere along the line, you have forgotten what a gift is. It is not you specifying exactly which gift card, in what denomination, would suit you.
Your guests are free to give you a gift of their choice, or not.
Maybe you should investigate this site:
Post # 4
I know what you’re saying julies but in my honest opinion, if that’s REALLY the case, registries are ridiculous and should be completely ignored.
Post # 5
IMO I think you should just not register at Amazon. That will take care of the gift cards to Amazon. It’s a popular store, and you’ll most likely find yourself getting gift cards to there. Can you part with the few things you registered for at Amazon? If I were you, I wouldn’t register for specific denominations to any store. But that’s just my opinion. We got all kinds of gift cards from Target, ranging from $20 to $100. If you limit yourself, people may not give more.
Post # 6
I think you’ve got great advice! But, we cannot “un-register” from Amazon because the things we have on there, are because we couldn’t get them anywhere else.
I would LOVE it if JC Penney would allow us to just say that “gift cards” were welcome, but it’s not set up like that. You have to specifiy……. I think… I better get back in there and find out.
By the way everyone, I understand what a gift is, which is most of the reason I am writing this asking for advice! These are expensive items we have on our list and I don’t want someone to feel like sheesh, we can’t even afford a gift!!!! They’re a-holes for only registering for expensive stuff.
Post # 7
I’m really not an ettiquette snob, but I really don’t think there is a tactful way to say that…. I guess you could always put where you registries are and that you would also love gift cards from William Sonoma and JC Penny. If its a major deal to you I would just over register at the places you want gift cards and plan to return things….
But I think that you want more from one place than another is impossible to relay, and futile, how is someone going to know who else has gotten you gift cards where?
Post # 8
I think you should just deregister from Amazon too. There is no other way to avoid getting gift cards from there in a tactful way.
Post # 9
Could you just “unregister” at Amazon and buy those items on your own? I’m sure you’ll get gifts you don’t want and can return (usually happens) to get a bit of money back from JCP and Williams Sonoma. I don’t think there’s a good way to say what you’re getting at, though I understand.
Post # 10
Okay, I think that amazon is a necessity. So we can either just let what happens/happen…
What if the wording on our website was: We are registered at the following stores. Gift cards to Williams Sonoma and JC Penney are welcome.
Or is that bad too, because technically, then we’re asking for them.
I think registering is stupid. Seriously. You can’t “ask” for things, but registering IS asking for things. … I’m also confused because lots of people honeymoon register, or put a picture up of a house and ask for contributions to their new home. ALL asking for what you want. The whole idea is weird to me…..
Post # 11
@Elleymae: What you have worded is probably the most tactful way to get your point accross, but you will get gift cards everywhere, even places you don’t list or didn’t register, just like you will get random gifts, it is what it is, so be prepared for that….
Post # 12
I guess I don’t understand. You don’t want a lot of gift cards to amazon and you dont want much there – then why even register there? Why is it a non-negotiable? I personally would un-register at amazon. Or stay registered and just not share that registry widely. I wouldnt include a note about your preference to some stores, but not amazon. Even if you put a note about gift cards, you can’t control what your guests do. You likely won’t get everything you registered for – especially if they are more pricey items. I’d just direct guests toward the other registries and then use any cash you receive to purchase the few amazon items you feel you need.
Post # 13
I’ll just take whatever we get. I’m not going to worry about the wording anymore. We can’t unregister from Amazon because two of the things on the registry, Amazon is the only place that we COULD register for them (Department stores don’t carry these items) but we really NEED them. Not “want.”
If we don’t get them, yes we’ll end up having to buy them ourselves, but it would be nice to worry about other things for ourselves like how to finish paying off our wedding, the downpayment on our house, and our honeymoon, rather than buying the items off Amazon.
Thank you all for your advice though, we’ll just let it ride.
Post # 14
You will undoubtedly get straight cash gifts, no matter how many/where you are registered. Can always use that cash directly for the need to have Amazon items. Usually that cash comes the day of the wedding though, so if you need the Amazon items sooner, you obviously wouldnt go this route.
Post # 15
Those of you who are saying that, if guests really are free to give you a gift of their choice, then registries are ridiculous and should be completely ignored; or that registering is stupid because you can’t “ask” for things, but registering IS asking for things; are understandably confused. You are also quite right, as long as you are talking about the modern “gift” registry — which I like to refer to as the “letter-to-the-wedding-Santa” type of registry. It really is self-serving, mercenary, and undermining to your self-reliance and self-respect, to name a list of valuables for which you think you would be the appropriate charity-recipient.
But such registries are only faking respectability, by stealing the name from the more traditional “household” (NOT “gift”) registry. Traditional household-goods registries are acceptable because they are a private service offered by a department store to a housewife. They are intended to help her keep track of all the heirloom-quality goods she needs to set up a gracious traditional home in order to fulfil her traditional duties as mother, wife and hostess: linen sheets for making up the guestroom bed for overnight guests, bone china for serving birthday and Christmas dinners, crystal for toasting the future of hoped-for children at their baptisms or graduations. The registry is a place where she can list all her patterns and needs, and then acquire them over the years as her household expands.
Even in more gracious times, guests did indeed use a bride’s household registry as a guide to choosing gifts for her. Once guests know her china pattern or linen-sizes, they can make their own choice of open-stock pieces in the same pattern, or linens in the same size, or they can choose something from her own long-term plans to help her complete that part of her household equipage sooner, knowing that she would have bought it for herself sooner or later. There’s also a guilty pleasure for the guest to doing this, in that they are getting to “snoop” in an almost-socially-acceptable manner, into a private arrangement between the bride and her supplier. And they didn’t feel that they were being dictated to, because they had to take the initiative to do the snooping.
Household registries are acceptable, because you put them together for your own convenience, not for your own material gain. Gift registries are, really, quite vulgar. Unfortunately few department stores will maintain an old-fashioned household registry any more, though there are still a few who will, and in this age of cloud computing and good database software, there are also good alternatives to managing your household planning that do not rely on department stores’ defunct participation in good etiquette.
Post # 16
@aspasia475: Bravo! I take pleasure in reading your responses regarding etiquette. If my fiance and I feel that a registry Is comparable to sending notes to the “wedding Santa”, how do we convey this to the guests in our social circle who are expecting a registry?