(Closed) Wedding Registry

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

No, you do not have to register.

I will warn you, from watching friends, some people simply want to give gifts, and if you’re not registered, they’re going to get you something anyway. I saw friends get LOTS of somewhat ugly/cheese photo frames because they didn’t have a traditional registry.

Some people will choose those gifts anyway, but it may be worth registering for a few replacement items or at a store that you’d like to have store credit at just so you have the ability to exchange or have some input, knowing that some people will choose to buy you gifts rather than give money.

Post # 4
Member
7990 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

You don’t have to register, but I’d suggest still doing a small one just for those people who absolutely insist on a physical gift. You could always do towels/sheets/duvets/etc  since those will eventually wear out.

Post # 5
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Also, if you’re having a bridal shower or bachelorette party, people will want to get physical items for those parties. We’ll be putting very practical things on a registry (a second set of sheets, new pillow, water filtration pitcher, a set of everyday dishes) for the bridal shower, and my sister is spreading the word that I’d like gift cards to Sephora to buy my wedding makeup for my bachelorette party.

If you do your registry on a site like myregistry.com, you can add some items (from any online store) on there, and then also create a “fund”, whether you name it Honeymoon or Down Payment or whatever you actually need, and then guests may get the “hint” that you’d like to be saving up.

Post # 6
Member
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

As PPs said, it’s best to create a small registry, since Great Aunt Tilly really wants to give you a physical gift, and with no registry will likely buy you a ceramic rooster.

I’d advise against creating a cash registry – they often take a percentage of the money, people are better off just giving you cash or checks.

Post # 7
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee

@RoseyBee:  You do not have to register, regardless of how long you have been living common-law and regardless of how much material wealth you are already blessed with.

Historically, household registries were a service that department-stores offered to current and future housewives, to help track of what patterns, numbers and sizes of china, crystal, silver and fine linen each housewife was in the process of acquiring over time to equip her future or present home. Girls “registered their patterns” and “began collecting” in their pre-teens, in order to have the necessary minimum number of place-settings and bed-linens for setting up housekeeping. If a piece got lost or broken during a party, the registried helped the guilty embarrassed guest replace the piece discretely. If patterns went on sale or were discontinued, the registry helped the store notify the housewife.

What a registry is not for, and never was, is creating a fantasy prize-list for tribute to be submitted by wedding-guests as the price to be paid for being invited. Guests can give or not give whatever they want. It is therefor none of their business whether you choose to make a registry or not, and none of their business what you choose to put on it. If they try to find your personal registry information and don’t find it, they are well advised to keep to themselves that they even tried to snoop into your private plans; and the same if they do find a registry and decide they dislike what’s on it. If anyone complains to you about the lack or content of your registry, you are free to show offense at their meddling.

But don’t tell them that you would rather have cold hard cash. If they want to give you cash, that is their decision to make and they can make it without your guidance. Keep in mind that in this economic climate, having “everything we need” puts you in a very fortunate minority that may not include many of your guests. Surely you can see the inappropriateness of expecting or attempting to influence people to give you money when they may be less materially well-off than you are yourself. So if people do ask you for guidance in relation to giving you a gift, your most gracious response is to reply that you do not need gifts, and leave it at that.

Post # 9
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d pick a few things you’d like to upgrade and register for them, like some really high end cookware or sheets and towels, because if you’re iviting anyone from a few previous generations (grandparents/anyone over age 50), they’re going to want to get physical gifts, and you at least want something you like!

 

Post # 10
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@RoseyBee:  You can put where you are registered on your website, or have a parent or MOH tell people word-of-mouth. It shouldn’t be put on the invitation. People who want to give money still will, but those who really want to buy a gift know where to get one.

Post # 11
Member
9556 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

HAVE YOU READ THE GOAT POST?!?!?!

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/how-can-i-politely-tell-them-no-more-goats

Basically it depends on how much it will bug you when people buy you stuff you don’t want. If that will bug you, a registry can help (though that isn’t 100%). If you don’t mind getting 8 cut crystal bowls, then don’t bother to register.

Post # 12
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@RoseyBee:  you do not have to.but I still would with simple things like picture frames, or something, because people will still buy a present even if not registered. so better to point them in the right direction.

 

 

The topic ‘Wedding Registry’ is closed to new replies.

Get our weekly roundup of the best of Weddingbee.
I agree to receive emails from the site. I can withdraw my consent at any time by unsubscribing.

Find Amazing Vendors