Post # 1
Everyone I know, including myself, is getting married this year or next..which is awesome! Anyway….registries and wedding gift shopping is a common thing in my life right now, and I’m starting to get pretty frustrated with people.
First of all, I don’t always buy off someone’s wedding registry list. I am very specific about the types of things I like to give, and if they are on the list then I will buy them from there. If not, I buy them from somewhere else. It is really important to me that the gift I give someone is something they will keep forever and admire, and will not only remember their wedding day by, but also remember who gave it to them. I won’t buy someone sheets or towels that will get worn out in 5 years and in the donation box they go. For example, when I go to dinner at my grandmother’s house and I admire her crystal candlesticks, she says “so and so gave those as a wedding gift” To me that is so awesome! Even if it is something budget friendly like a small silver picture frame for $35 dollars, it will be around for a really long time making their wedding photos look beautiful.
Don’t get me wrong, I see the benefit in wedding registries because not everyone is like me and they need some guidance! Also, they give you an idea of the couple’s style.
So the reason I’m frustrated is….apparantely brides get irritated/angry when non-registry gifts are purchased. I have heard some buzzing about this from at least 4 people recently. I even heard my own sister in law (who’s wedding was 6 years ago) say “don’t bother wasting your time making a registry because there are annoying people who don’t pay attention to it anyway” (read…me, my mother, and my mothers friends. hahaha)
Really? Does anyone else experience this? I know not everyone will share my approach to gift buying, but frankly I’m shocked at all the negativity I’m hearing from the recepients!
Sorry this ended up being a lot longer than I intended!
Post # 3
I don’t necessarily feel the way you do, that sheets and towels are not as good of gifts as candlesticks. We were given our first set of high thread count sheets and a nice vaccuum and I think those are the two best gifts (like changed my life 🙂
But like you said, yes I’ve seen brides who get nasty about people straying from the registry. My friend’s older brother married a woman who got really pissed when the husband’s elderly grandmother, who lived alone on a limited income, purchased the happy couple a pan set…but not the crazy expensive one from her registry. She was royally pissed. And I remember the husbands side of the family having some not so very nice words to say about her. I will never forget that!
Post # 4
I agree with what you’ve said 100 %! I didn’t get a ton off my registry but I was thankful for whatever I received, the things that people selected on their own were nice (very few things meet the characteristics of the gifts you mentioned ex the candlesticks ) but it is what it is , people are so spoiled and ungrateful.
i always like purchasing something personalized for the couple , I typically go to this graphic design store on etsy that sell various photos that they photoshop to personalize with the couples name, wedding date etc. I choose the scene of photos based on couples interesrob time of year (winter wedding I bought snow beautiful winter pic and their info was ‘drawn. ‘ into the snow in a big heart, for friends who are wine-o’s I bought a scene with a wine bottle in which their info was placed on the label. I then buy a beautiful 8×10 frame to match their decor and mat the photo so it’s ready to go! every single person (6 couples) have told me the photo was the best gift they have received! I also choose something small or less pricey off registry to avoid any potential ungrateful people’s attitudes. Another thing I have done is purchase coasters that have the couples address ( in latitude and longitude coordinates ) stamped into the stone , another big hit!
Post # 5
@weddingnerd: personally, i never buy anything that is not on the couple’s registry unless their registry is totally tapped out. for example, i was in a wedding last year, and the bride and groom are super utilitarian and had a teeny tiny registry, which was tapped out a month before their wedding. i ended up buying them an engraved marriage certificate holder from Things Remembered.
personally, IDGAF if a couple knows I bought them their vacuum or picture frame or not. i always buy them something to complete a set – a table setting, a set of flatware, glassware, etc. to help them not end up with 8 of 12 place settings – that will be so annoying to me once i’m married if that happens. the gift isn’t about me, its about them and what they want. i’m sure i’ll end up with 4 picture frames i didnt want, even though i registered for the ones i DO want, and hopefully i can return them.
the registry is their wish list, and if it isnt on the registry, they didnt want it. but, that’s just my opinion.
Post # 6
@weddingnerd: Yeah, some bridal couples have gotten completely out of control and totally lost sight of the purpose of gifts.
Anyone who gets annoyed or offended they received an off-registry gift is a spoiled, ungrateful little brat.
Post # 7
@weddingnerd: if you buy something not on the registry, include a gift slip so they can return it if they don’t like it.
just because you love an item, doesn’t mean that the couple will as well.
the registry is there for guidance, but not required to follow.
Post # 8
@ajillity81: just because you love an item, doesn’t mean that the couple will as well.
This. I agree with both. Not everything needs to come from a registry. But everyone has very specific tastes when it comes to decorating their home, that’s what makes everyone unique.
So if I received a silver frame that wasn’t my style just because the guest didn’t want to buy off the registry, well, I may return it because I may prefer the look of wooden frames.
For instance, we received a griddler. At no point had we ever expressed interest in owning a griddler, and unless we have a brood of children, I have no idea when we’d ever use it, we can quickly cook breakfast on a single pan. We already have appliances on our counters and above the fridge, and now we have a huge appliance that won’t even fit in a cabinet (this thing is like 3 ft wide!). So while it was very thoughtful to receive a gift and we appreciate it, it doesn’t mean we will use it.
Post # 9
Oh yes, I always include a gift receipt! Also, when I notice someone was registered for formal china, stemware, or table linens I like to help complete that if I can afford to, because that’s what I would want fulfilled most on my registry list. It’s one of those things you really want, but probably wouldn’t save money to buy yourself since it’s not really a “must have”
And yes on the sheet thing…you are right that really beautiful bed linens can make an awesome gift sometimes. I just meant that sometimes I see people register for just the very basic towels and stuff and that is absolutely okay and I never judge someone’s choices, but I wouldn’t buy it for them because I know they will get recycled in a few years.
Post # 10
I am all about exchanging gifts too. No one is a mind reader, so exchanging stuff is perfectly acceptable to me. I omitted that from my original post because I know some people jump all over people for the “rudeness” of exchanging gifts. It’s only rude if you are not gracious and make a point to tell them that you are returning it.
Post # 11
@weddingnerd: I typically buy off the registry for people I’m not very close to but I usually buy personal things for my close friends. Registries definitely have a purpose but at the same time I would never complain about a gift just because it wasn’t on the registry. Some of my favorite gifts so far are the ones that people put thought into! They are ones that I will cherish for a long time and honestly they are really fun to get because they are a surprise!
Post # 12
I agree with @ajillity81: & @kmarie719: , that just because you love something, doesn’t mean the couple will. Even something like a frame, yeah it’s pretty neutral, but it may really not be the couple’s style – maybe they love wood frames or gold frames; or perhaps they’ve been gifted with more frames than they can possibly use.
Registries are a guide and I do think couples need to be gracious. On the other hand, I understand their frustration if people are spending money on something they cannot possibly use or doesn’t match their style at all. I’d rather have a $25 gift card to a store or restaurant we love than a $50 gift that’s going to go to the back of the closet and collect dust.
Post # 13
It does get irritating when people buy off the registry in something that is not your taste at all because then you have to return it! Sometimes I feel people just buy whatever is cheap on sale and don’t care if it’s obviously not someone’s taste. You can look at someone’s registry and see what their taste is and buy accordingly. For instance, if I look at someone’s registry and see if they have a lot of silver serving dishes on it, I’m not going to go and buy them a wooden salad bowl. However, some people definitely do this.
That being said, some of my favorite gifts were not from the registry but they were very thoughtful – like a gift certificate to the bar we first met at. I’m a big fan of buying off the registry when I know the person very well and know what they would like.
Post # 14
@weddingnerd: I am going to be honest and say that I fall on the other side of this. I made a registry so that guests will get me things I actually need and want. I just had this argument with my grandmother, because her friends don’t want to buy the sensible things I picked out, and are planning on buying me some fancy crystal serving bowl instead. I don’t WANT or NEED a crystal serving bowl! If I did, it would have been on my registry. I want the 12 piece cookware set that FH and I will actually need and use on a daily basis. I don’t want the fancy candlesticks because its just not me and I won’t use them. If you are going to buy a wedding gift, then use the registry that the bride and groom took the time to provide for you. If you don’t like what’s on the registry, then fine, don’t buy anything. But it will drive me crazy if guests show up with a bunch of stuff that’s not my taste or something that will actually help me start my new life with my husband. If you want to buy someone something sentimental and over the top, wait for their birthday. I’d rather have the bath towels.
Post # 15
I hated the gifts people got us off registry. We got a big silver chaffing dish that I don’t know what to do with, and a food steamer when we already have one. Don’t buy me something I didn’t register for. If I wanted it I would have added it to my registry. Unless you hand made the item, buy it from my list. Now I have to figure out what to do with this stuff I can’t return and I resent the extra work.
Post # 16
We only have so much room in our house. Everything on our registry is an upgrade of something we already have, and are having to get rid of the old to make way for the new. We have very particular tastes. Over half of non-registry gifts are the complete opposite of anything we like, or too bulky for us to actually accomodate (like, crystal candlesticks or crystal baskets or crystal anything? Where the heck would I store those?). So most of the non-registry gifts are getting returned or craigslisted/ebayed (and mostly the latter since only one of the non-registry gifts came with a receipt).
I also really don’t see why, if given a list of things people DO want, anyone would choose to get them something they probably don’t want.
eta: I should add that close friends who got us non-registry gifts did pretty well. My brother did a Star Trek-themed homewares/cookwares gift – that was cool. A few people put together gifts of esoteric grilling supplies for my husband. But these were all like bff-level people. Non-bffs, even other relatively good friends, generally missed the mark with non-registry gifts.