(Closed) Wedding Registry frustration.

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 48
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@weddingnerd:  LOL, I’m super religious, but I wouldn’t do that in a million years! Not only a terrible way to try to convert someone, but also a completely insensitive, self-serving gift! 

Post # 49
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@vanessa7:  Well, I really doubt that anyone would buy you random china.  Everyone knows that china is a set (and actually that’s what registries were created for – so that people would know your china, crystal, and silver patterns).  Also, people will more than likely just give you cash.

Also, you are right that most people were setting up a household and needed EVERYTHING.  Like 30 years ago.  You are definitely in the minority now – the vast majority of couples I know have way too MUCH stuff by the time they move in together/get married.

Post # 50
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@TattedNYBride:  Whoa.  People don’t have the RIGHT to buy a gift of their choosing for another person???  That’s a bit much.

Post # 51
Member
703 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think that the point of a registry is to say “here! Let me make this a little easier for you. This is a list of gifts that you could get me that you know I’ll like.” and save them the hassle of throwing whatever off registry item you give them into the closet because they feel bad throwing it away and can’t return if it’s not their taste.

Basically you’re saying “Yeah, I know you rally wanted those towels but I know what you want better than you do”. 

And maybe I already have a nice picture frame for my wedding pictures or silver isn’t my taste. Unless you are best friends, I wouldn’t stray from the registry without also including a gift receipt. 

 

Post # 52
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@oneofthesethings:  I was replying to her later response where she said that just because I might not think I want something at the point that I register, doesn’t mean I won’t end up wanting it later. And I just think it’s a very condescending attitude, to assume that even if it’s not on my registry and I say I don’t want it, that really I should thank you for knowing that I’ll end up wanting it later. 

Post # 53
Member
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think that buying off the registry can be annoying if it is something sort of cheap/dumb and you don’t even get a gift reciept. But no one should be ungrateful or voice their negative  opinions to others. My favorite items were actually off the registry. My best friend got my a canvas picture that was of the beach and had our names and wedding date on it and my mom got me a big monogramed beach bag with towels and all sorts of little items to use on my honeymoon and during our Destination Wedding. If you know the person well then sometimes the things you buy off registry will mean a lot more than towels and sheets.

Post # 54
Member
823 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@oneofthesethings:  it came up because my own grandmother has her friends insisting that they buy me a crystal bowl that’s not on my registry, when I’ve expressly told her that I do not WANT a crystal anything and I never will. If they really wanted to make me happy and help me out, they would just stick to the registry and buy the bath towels I asked for. 

Post # 55
Member
11231 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

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@oneofthesethings:   Do you do that for Christmas or birthdays?

Actually, yes. Future Father-In-Law and his wife shopped off of our registry last Christmas and they raved about how much easier it was to shop for us that way (plus, bonus, we got practical stuff). I’m notoriously hard to shop for, unfortunately, and Fiance refuses to ever give ideas for gifts. They usually ask for ideas, but they loved having an actual registry to go from. (FMIL gave up a long time ago and just gives us cash/gift cards, probably because she used to buy me clothes that were the wrong size/not my style and/or stuff from B&BW that I’m allergic to.)

Post # 56
Member
1833 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m a MOB and the first thing I do when I know a couple is getting married it to start searching for their registry.  I DO want my gift to be something they might use 23 years from now and look at their kids and say “Oh, Hermom gave us that for a wedding gift!”

I also try to keep my ears open for what they really want.  By that, I mean if they really need the basics to start housekeeping, I will buy the linens or whatever because that is what they need most.  If they have already set up housekeeping, I am scouring that registry for something THEY have chosen and want in their home that is meant to last a lifetime.  If it is crystal candlesticks (have yet to see anyone register for them, but hey, whatever floats your boat) or a wall-hanging, whatever – if I can find something on the registry that will last a lifetime, I want to give that.  They picked it out, so they must want it.

My sister is 15 years my senior and old-school about registries.  She is offended by them.  She thinks she is oh-so-original when she chooses a frame to give the couple.  I adore my sister and she is a wonderful person, but she refuses to buy off the registry or give cash as a gift.  I actually know one couple who had a very large wedding just after the groom returned home from deployment.  They received 19 (yes, I said 19) picture frames as gifts!  The bride can’t remember who gave most of them but they were very very gracious about every gift they received.  Maybe I should tell my sister that story someday.

On the flipside – when you receive non-registry gifts that you will never use, hopefully you get a gift receipt.  If not, yard-sale or give it to charity.  The important thing is to graciously receive all gifts regardless of what they are.  There are always those private moments at home when you can look at your new husband and say, “Your Aunt Harriet gave us WHAT?”

Post # 57
Member
1880 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

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@oneofthesethings:  “I’m not sure why people think that people should only give gifts that have been pre-approved by the couple.  Do you do that for Christmas or birthdays?”

Yes. If I can’t remember them mentioning something they wanted in passing, I ask for a list. If no list is provided, I will ask around to see if they mentioned anything they wanted to any mutual friends. If nothing is forthcoming, I will be very confused for a while and then get them a gift card to someplace I know they shop.

“I mean ANY time you give someone a gift you run the risk that they won’t like it, right?”

Not if you give them something they specifically asked for.

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@Treejewel19:  “Yes we appreciated the guesture but I’m pretty sure the guest would be just as frustrated as we were to know that their hard earned money wasn’t put to good use.”


I agree with this. Personally, for me, if I am buying a gift for someone, I want to know it is something they will use and like. Even if they are towels that are only used a few years and then tossed – that’s better than a crystal bowl that sits in the back of a closet until they finally stop feeling guilty about giving it to goodwill. I recognize that people have different gifting strategies, but ones that aren’t mine don’t make sense to me, hah.

Post # 58
Member
3194 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

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@TattedNYBride:  +1. that’s what i was thinking throughout this whole thread.

Fiance and I have basically our entire kitchen decked out – pots, pans, woks, bamboo steamers, basting brushes, spoons, collanders, cutting boards, etc. you name it, we’ve got it. but i GUARANTEE someone is going to be like, “oh those dummies forgot to register for cookware!” and buy us some pans that i can’t return. having a registry ISN’T rude. its tradition, and it is my favorite part of going to weddings, getting to pick out something for them to enjoy after the wedding.

 

Post # 59
Member
2389 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@TwoStatesBride:  Something isn’t rude or not rude just because it’s tradition.  Those are 2 separate issues.  Traditions can be rude.

Post # 60
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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@oneofthesethings:  Some people would say that RSVP cards are rude. As much as I love etiquette, I think some changes are welcome. Most brides don’t register with the attitude of “give me, give me, give me”, but to make it easier on their guests who want to give them presents they will love and use. 

Post # 61
Member
2555 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Most of the stuff that we got outside our registry was NOT our taste. Read crystal candle sticks, wine glasses, picture frames, and stuff that we didn’t like or want. All of those are in a box that I’ll donate at some point. The sheets, on the other hand, i love and use everyday.

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