(Closed) Wedding Registry Help

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
13707 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

A small registry tells people you want cash.

Honestly, when I see a honeyfund (which I am very opposed to), I often opt for a gift certificate to a fancy dinner or expensive wine.  In my social circle, asking for money directly is so very frowned upon that no one really does them.  If it were me, I’d skip the honeyfund and have no registry.

Post # 3
Member
4085 posts
Honey bee

Lizzerd215:  cancel the honey fund and keep your small, 20 item registry. People will take the hint that you want cash. 

Post # 5
Member
3473 posts
Sugar bee

If I remember correctly, if you include gifts from other stores (say Crate and Barrel) on your Zola registry, you get the cash to buy the gift instead of getting the gift. There’s probably some sort of fee for it though. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 9 months ago by  zl27.
Post # 6
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

JiminyCricket:  When you say “A small registry tells people you want cash”, do you find that to be an acceptable way of indirectly communicating a preference for cash gifts? Thanks!  

Post # 7
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee

Ok and see I wouldn’t see a small registry and assume they wanted cash. If I went to the registry, and saw an item on it that I wanted to buy them, I’d buy it and that would be it. If I went on, and all 20 gifts had been purchased, I wouldn’t just hand them cash. I may just get them something else, or I may approach them or someone from their family and say “oh the registry has all been bought up. What else would you/they like?” Then they either have to make something up on the spot, or admit they want cash.

On the other hand, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking for cash outright. I believe there’s even a website where you can ask for cash. I believe it’s called Feather Your Nest or something like that? Just would hate to see you guys do a small registry and get almost no cash, and instead 90% stuff you don’t want!

Post # 8
Member
41 posts
Newbee

Everyone knows that cash makes a good gift. If you have a small registry, most people will give you cash. I had a large registry, and STILL most people gave me cash. It’s easier. But there are still going to be some people (like me, actually) who prefer to give a tangible present, and a registry is nice for those people, but by no means required.

There’s no need to ask for cash. People know. Ditch the honeyfund, and let people gift you however they want. The people who are going to give you cash are going to do it whether you ask for it or not. The people who aren’t are not going to be swayed by a honeyfund. You’re not getting married for the gifts anyway 🙂

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 8 months ago by  BabyGirl09. Reason: grammar
Post # 9
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I put something on the website like,” as you know we have been living together for a few years and have everything we could want to make our apartment a home. We have a small registery at xxx for those that want to mark the occasion with a gift. We look forward to seeing you in June!”

i debated over whether to put “box gift” vs “gift”, but I thought that might be too pointed. I figure our older generations are going to gift on or off registry no matter what and are unlikely to check the website anyway. We have a small registry (60items) since I only put stuff on there we would be overjoyed to have, and not items I could find cheaper myself. (Serial bargain hunter XD) I’d love all cash but I’m not going to complain about any gift! 

Cash is becoming more and more common where I am (northeast), even my 85 year old grandma was like, you kids just want cash right?

Post # 10
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Cancel your honeyfund, keep your small registry. In general, yes, people get the hint. If anyone asks you can also SAY that youre saving up for a honeymoon, but have a small registry at X.

Post # 11
Member
969 posts
Busy bee

I use to work as a bridal consultant and had to deal with this problem on a regular basis.

To be honest, nobody wants to be *expected* to give money as a gift (unless that is what is culturally appropriate, like within the Chinese wedding tradition).  They don’t even want to get hints at it either, it’s just rude and tacky.

But, if you two already have a fully stocked functioning household, I’ll tell you what I usually told other couples in the same situation …

You have several options:  

1.) One is not to register at all and just get stuck with whatever someone picks out of thin are for you – because they will, especially long lost elderly aunts.  Sometimes you can return these items easily – and for cash, too – like at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. But sometimes you can’t – like at specialty department stores or artisan/custom shops.
2.) Another choice is to have a small registry of only items you have always had your eye on, but don’t “need”.  These would be things like funky new throw pillows, wine racks, etc.
3.) A third option is to have the wish list registry (option two) items picked out, plus items that you already have, but that need to be updated.  So, the wine rack and throw pillows plus new and/or upgraded pots and pans and a better vacuum. This is a medium-sized registry that sort of allows for wiggle room for those who want to buy a gift, but also kind of hints at “We already have everything we want, just throw cash at us already”.
4.) Finally, the last option is to just make a “regular” registry like most couples do (with enough items for 2-3 gifts per guest, of various sizes/price ranges/styles/etc).  See what you get, keep what you want, return what you don’t. You may be pleasantly surprised!

In the end, no matter what you do, people will get you gifts, whether you want them to or not – and whether you actually registered for them or not. But on the bright side, no matter what you do, some people will also give you hefty cash gifts, whether you asked for it outright or not. So, no matter what, it’s a fairly even win-win situation, if you ask me.

Don’t stress over it. Just be happy you are blessed with friends and family who can and want to help you celebrate your Big Day.

Post # 12
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

The small registry kind of does what you are looking to convey, and I do think that people mostly gift money at the wedding. I’m assuming you won’t be having a shower?  Ultimately, it’s rude to dictate gifts, and people are going to give you want they want to give regardless.  I would ditch the honeyfund is you are able. If someone asks specially I would mention that you are saving for a honeymoon or point to the registry.  

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