Post # 1
I have always wanted to have a huge wedding. The dress, the cake, the bouquet toss, the friends, the family- I’ve always wanted it all. However, when my fiance and I got engaged, we knew neither sets of parents would help us financially, so we knew we would either have to elope or pay for a wedding on our own. After being engaged for an entire year almost, we have discussed it with both sides of our families and amongst ourselves, and we all have agreed that elopment is the best option financially, as well as because of the fact that both sets of families are in different states and we are unsure just how many would be able to come to an actual wedding. I talked to my grandmother about this on the phone shortly after getting engaged, and she stated, “Please do yourselves a favor and go get married and enjoy yourselves without the hassle of planning a big wedding. And after you’ve done it, I want you to call me and tell me what you need off your wedding registry and I will get it for you.” Which brings me to my question… if a couple has decided to elope, and the family is in full support and knows it’s coming up, just not when, and are fully happy knowing they are not invited, is it wrong to include wedding registry information with a wedding announcement?
Post # 3
That could be seen as very rude. In many circles, you don’t include it with the wedding invitation, and here you would be doing something similar with people who aren’t even invited.
Register if you want. If people ask, let them know. Don’t volunteer the information if you’re not asked.
Post # 4
What if we made an “elopment website” and posted the link to it there?
Post # 5
I agree with the above poster. Some of your friends and family will still want to give you a gift, but don’t send them a list. Even if you had a formal wedding, it would be in poor taste to include your registry information.
Post # 7
If people want to get you a gift they will but by creating a registry people then feel like they are expected to give you a gift which they are not. So what I’m saying is no don’t create one!
Post # 8
Don’t do it. It comes off as “You were not important enough to be inlcuded in my wedding day, but buy me a present.” I know that that’s not what message eloping is supposed to send – i had a privated, planned elopment and it was awesome – but some people will take it as a personal affront to them.
If someone wants to buy you something, they will.
Post # 9
@theseautumneyes: I think its rude. I had an intimate ceremony, parents and siblings only. and we did not have a registry even though some friends asked. We did receive cards, gift cards and presents anyway.
Post # 10
@Holly77: I think creating the registry is fine. If people take the effort to seek out the registry out, they were the ones who did so.
@theseautumneyes: That would be better, but I still think it’s fairly gift grabby, as people aren’t being provided a website to help them out with directions, etc. They are being provided with the website for more selfish reasons.
Why are you concerned about getting the registry information out there? Does your family (or your SO’s family) typically give registry gifts? How are they used to getting the information?
Post # 11
@AB Bride: I guess I should have been more specific. Both our immediate families told us they would rather we elope instead of have a big shin-dig because they are not able to help us financially, and the majority of both sides of our families will probably not make it, as both sets live in different states. Even though I truly did have my heart set on a beautiful, huge wedding, I knew it was unrealistic for everyone’s budgets as well as because of the distance, so we agreed on eloping, which I am actually now looking very forward to just enjoying our day instead of having to plan, plan, plan, spend, spend, spend. Pretty much everyone is aware we will be having a private ceremony by ourselves, and they are perfectly fine with it. Over the year we have been engaged, we have discussed it with our friends and families, and everyone has pretty much told us to go enjoy ourselves and let them know what we would like as a gift. So, now that we have started thinking more about our upcoming elopement, I need to figure out how I can let them know without seeming “gift grabby”.
It is not as though I am expecting gifts, don’t get me wrong. But probably 75% of the people we have told about the engagement and the elopement have asked us to let them know what we want for a gift since they want to send well-wishes and wouldn’t have been able to make it anyway. I understand that if people want to send a gift, they will send one, and those who don’t, won’t, but considering we will be newlyweds in a new home, we could really use the gifts on our gift registry, and I guess would just like that out there if they are looking for options. So now I’m stuck between what they have asked of me, and what is proper ettiquette. My Fiance doesn’t see anything wrong with it, but I do to a degree.
Post # 12
@theseautumneyes: Since they have asked you already, it sounds like the tradition route of word of mouth will work. Go ahead and let your immediate families know, they have already asked. The rest can find out from them, or will ask you guys again closer to when you do elope. Some will probably even check out the typical places themselves.
Post # 13
@theseautumneyes: Absolutely yes, its wrong. It is ALWAYS WRONG to include registry information in invitations/announcements but its particularly wrong in this situation.
To include the registry information is to say, “Hey, we got married! You weren’t invited but we expect you to send us a gift and here’s what we want and where you should buy it.
If anyone wants to know where you’re registered, they will ask you or someone in your immediate family or they’ll just look it up themselves.
Post # 14
No, it’s inappropriate to register. You have made the decision to elope, so you have also made the decision to fore-go prewedding parties and registries.
Post # 16
I see nothing wrong with putting together a small registry. Some people will want to get you a gift to celebration your marraige, regardless of how you got married. Don’t annouce it to the world, but be sure to tell your parents about it in the event that someone approaches them wondering where you registered.