Post # 1
I feel lame writing thist post, but it’s six weeks before our wedding and I am having all these feelings of regret. It seems silly because I’m marrying the man I love and nothing else should really matter, but I am getting sad that my wedding day is not looking like the way I originally envisioned it. For the longest time, I thought an intimate brunch wedding would be lovely, especially at an iconic restaurant in our city–classy, elegant, delicious food and jazz music. We had trouble booking the restaurant and at the time the cost seemed a bit high, and I was really nervous about people not having fun without a typical evening dance party. We ended up deciding on a more traditional wedding and found a venue that seemed nice, but now I’m really wishing we had stuck with the brunch wedding. There have been so many costs with the rentals/catering/waiters that I’m sure it would have been more cost effective to book the restaurant. The venue we picked advertises itself as a “mediterranean villa”, but we’re serving Texas BBQ, buffet style, and I’m worried the styles are going to clash. A lot of my family won’t be coming so I keep thinking that the small brunch still could have worked well. I know it’s pointless to think “what if” now that everything is planned and the invitations have been sent, but I’m just not sure how to cope, and I don’t want to tell my fiance, because we’re spending so much money on this wedding and I hate to seem bratty/ungrateful. I’m just afraid the wedding is going to come and I am still going to be bummed about it.
Post # 3
I’m really sorry to hear that. I think it’s really normal to find that the wedding is not 100% what you envisaged, especially if you’ve been planning it since you were little.
If it helps, when I look back on weddings I’ve been to I can’t even remember details like whether the style of food clashed with the venue! I’m sure your guests will have a great time as long as you do.
In some ways I feel the same as you. I don’t have any regrets on the venue – but we always wanted a small wedding and somehow it has snowballed and we have quite a lot of guests coming. Looking back I wish I had been a bit more ruthless with the guest list but it’s too late now so I’m just going to try and make the most of it!
Post # 4
@vanessa7: I think, to some extent, many of us can relate to this feeling of whatever we have — no matter how nice, or pretty, or wonderful it is — not quite living up to what he had dreamed or hoped it would be.
This discontentment and disappointment expresses itself in so many ways, and that’s why I think we see so much dress regret (I had it and still have it a lot of the time), ring regret (and I have a gorgeous ring!), photographer regret (and I had a wonderful photographer who could not have been nicer to me on the day of my wedding, but, for a ton of reasons, I don’t love many of my pictures), proposal regret, venue regret, size of wedding regret, etc., etc., etc. on these boards.
There are so many posts here in which someone writes about how something did not live up to their “dream” _____________ (fill in the blank.)
The fact is that real life often just does not measure up to our fantasies of what it will be, and that can include even marriage itself. However, the solution to this is really learning to be thankful for and to appreciate what we have — insteading of focusing so much on what we do not have or on what we now think we should have done differently.
I’m sure your wedding will be wonderful. 🙂
Post # 5
Unless you’re eating McDonald’s at Buckingham Palace, I don’t think the food matching the venue is a big deal at all. There’s an episode of HIMYM where Ted says “Kids, you never end up with the wedding you started off with.” or something like that lol. Anyway, it’s totally true. Original vision to acutal wedding…changes for most couples. Try to enjoy what you’re planning & let go of your original “dream wedding”. My wedding ended up being my dream wedding, I just had no idea it would turn out that way until the day of : ) Try to refocus your energy on celebrating your marriage – wedding’s are wonderful but they really are just fluff surrounding an important committment that should give you inner peace & joy <3
Post # 6
I definitely understand! We dreamed about a small weding, planned a big wedding, and then actually HAD our small wedding!
And while 90% of me LOVED our small luncheon wedding, 10% misses that we didn’t have dancing or 150 guests or a father daughter dance!
Post # 7
Would it be possible to add a (low cost) day after brunch for your closest family and friends? Then you still get the “brunch” feel AND the evening wedding!
Post # 8
I would LOVE to go to a formal wedding with Texas BBQ!! I’d be in heaven!
Don’t stress, it will all be great.
Post # 9
Thank you all so much! I feel a lot better after reading your posts!
@guineapig45: Thank you! I totally agree that if we’re having a great time, our guests will, too. I love seeing a happy and relaxed bride and groom! I hope you have lots of fun with all of your guests!
@Brielle: I really needed to read this! I’ve made a list of all of the great things we have to look forward to–spending lots of time with my bridesmaids getting ready, my beautiful dress, our amazing photographers and having time for lots of photographs before the wedding, the way our Chapel looks at night, our wonderful musicians, the lovely hanging lights at our venue, the way both of our styles are reflected in our menu with Texas BBQ and French macarons, our Texas cheese display, everyone on the dance floor, our sparkler exit–so much to be grateful for!!
@VioletSky: LOL!! McDonald’s at Buckingham Palace–this cracked me up! Great advice from Ted, too! Thank you! Yes, it really is about our commitment!
@BrandNewBride: Ah, I’m sure the grass always looks a little greener on the other side!
@MrsChristopher: I love this idea! I will definitely be looking into this. Thank you!
@solidarity: HAHA! I hope our guests feel this way, too! 🙂
Post # 10
A day after brunch is an excellent idea! We always love going to those; it’s nice to get to see everyone the next day and have a bit more of a chance to talk when things aren’t so crazy! I’m sure everything will work out just fine regardless of what you decide to do! 🙂
Post # 11
@vanessa7: I can relate. Since I was a little girl I dreamed of having a pink and black wedding in a ballroom and have everyone in suits and the women in floor length dresses and just have this really expensive, formal affair. I can still see it in my mind. I’m not getting that. I’m having a backyard wedding instead, which I thought would be pretty cool when I was a teenager, but I have a certain wistfulness for what I dreamt up when I was little. So I completely understand not getting what you want for your wedding. But you should look at the bright side. On your wedding day chances are that you’re going to be so busy getting ready, gretting your guests, and just having fun to regret not having everything as planned! And no matter what, at the end of the day you’ll be married to the man you love!
And here’s another idea; if you really want to have a brunch reception, wait a year. Not for the reception, have that as planned, but throw a big one year anniversary party and have everything you weren’t able to have there 🙂
Post # 12
@Brielle: Wow – nicely put. And so true, in my experience as well. In fact I sometimes think our wedding “culture” focuses on all these things as a distraction from the most important decision and commitment here, the marriage itself.
@vanessa7: We had a wonderful champagne brunch wedding at a mountain resort with croquet, gypsy jazz, etc. It was fabulous and people thought it was a very unique wedding. The following year our son was born, and I realized, brunch can be done for so many types of events – including showers and baby blessing/christenings, if that is in your future. As much as we loved our wedding and felt it reflected our style, I occasionally have a pang of regret that we didn’t seize the unique opportunity for an evening celebration. Have a wonderful time at yours – it goes by in the blink of an eye.
Post # 13
@vanessa7: if it makes you feel any better i’m doing a brunch wedding and the costs are still adding up!! i think weddings in general are just magnets for draining cash! i have a feeling when it is all said and done you’ll have enjoyed it 🙂