(Closed) Wedding rings for Jewish Ceremony

posted 8 years ago in Jewish
Post # 3
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I would talk to the rabbi that’s officiating. I know that traditionally, both bands are supposed to be plain gold and of equal value. I’ve heard of a lot of Jewish couples that use plain bands for the ceremony and then have an embellished band that they actually wear, so I think using a relative’s band for the ceremony should be fine. I would check with your rabbi–if he/she says it’s okay, then hopefully that’ll take the power away from your FMIL’s argument. Plus, it’s YOUR band–YOU”RE the one who will be wearing it! Not really fair for her to dictate what it should look like.

Post # 4
Member
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Our rabbi (conservative) said it had to be a band with no stones, but it could have some decoration. He showed us his own that had ‘ani l’dodi v’dodi li’ in hebrew wrapped around it. However, I know my Future Sister-In-Law had to find a band with nothing, not even the jewlery maker’s engraving. So definitely talk to your rabbi.

Post # 5
Member
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I echo that you should talk to your rabbi; if they say that it’s ok for you to have a more embellished band, then I say go for it! 

It sounds like it’s very meaningful for you to have your grandmother’s diamonds in your wedding band.  Is your Mother-In-Law opposed to you borrowing a plain band for the wedding and then having your actual band be made with your grandmother’s diamonds?  Maybe you could even borrow hers as a way to make it more “meaningful” during the ceremony. 

At the end of the day, you can’t make your Mother-In-Law 100% happy, and it’s your wedding band.  I think it’s beautiful that you have the opportunity to have such a special wedding band made for you and you should do what makes you happy. (Especially since it’s probably your Fiance who’s paying for your band right?  That right there should give you the right to have whatever you like)

 

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i agree with asking your rabbi. we’re reform so it’s probably a lot more relaxed for us, our rabbi never said anything to us about rings but i wanted to stay traditional anyway and do a plain white gold band, with just an engraving. my fmil used a plain band for the ceremony and then switched to a really fun ring with all sorts of designs to fit her personality.

 

Post # 7
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

The rule has to do with the idea that the ring can be weighed and its value cannot be misrepresented (i.e. fake stones). That’s a pretty traditional idea and in today’s more egalitarian society it’s up to you whether that applies. My late grandmother’s ring had diamonds and my grandfather was a rabbi. I do like the symbolism of not having holes in the ring. That said, we are doing solid white gold with engravings.

Post # 8
Member
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

 I have a diamond band that I will wear daily, but we also spent $50 on Amazon for a small, plain white gold band to use in our ceremony because I don’t want to borrow and then have to give back the ring we were actually married with!  We are also using my actual wedding band during the ceremony, he is placing the solid one on my finger when he says the Hebrew part and then using the diamond band when he translates it to “with this ring, i thee wed”. 

Technically, according to our (conservative) rabbi, you can get married with any ring, but if you want to follow the letter of Jewish law, it’s supposed to be solid with no adornment.  That said, in traditional Jewish ceremonies, men don’t receive rings at all, so really, do what works for you.  

Post # 9
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My rabbi emphasized that the rings for the ceremony have to be continuous, without gemstones, but can have engravings. I’m probably going to borrow my mother’s ring for the ceremony, and he’ll borrow his too( from his father ?). During the Yichud (alone time for bride + groom after the ceremony) we will exchange our actual wedding rings. I think this is a nice way to make everything more meaningful. Really transition from children of our parents to husband and wife. Anyway, that’s just what works for us, you have to figure out what works best for you!

Post # 10
Member
3316 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Traditionally, the rule is that the ring given to the bride must a) belong to the groom, and b) be a plain gold band with no stones or engraving.  However, it is acceptable for the groom to “buy” a ring from someone immediately before the ceremony for a nominal amount, and for the bride to “sell” it back to that same person.

Also traditionally, the bride does not give the groom a ring during the ceremony at all.  If you are dealing with a very Orthodox rabbi, he may insist that if the bride gives the groom a ring, it must occur only after the ceremony.

There is, however, no Jewish law at all concerning the ring or rings worn after the ceremony.  All of the Jewish laws on wedding rings deal with just what happens during the ceremony.  Thus, for example, although the wedding ring is initially put on the bride’s right index finger, it can be moved to the left ring finger after the ceremony.

And as usual, Reform and Conservative rabbis are likely to be less sticklers for tradition than Orthodox ones.  So depending on your rabbi, s/he may allow you to use the one with diamonds during the ceremony.

So, your Future Mother-In-Law is just flat-out wrong that you can’t wear a wedding ring with stones after the ceremony.  You can talk to your rabbi about how plain the band used in the ceremony must be, but this will not affect what you wear afterward.

 

Post # 11
Member
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

ive heard it cant have holes in it. like actual holes you can see thru – so no twists with gaps and such….

 

never heard the stones thing.

Post # 12
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010 - The Pearl S. Buck House

Our Rabbi explained the rule of no embellishments and the reasoning behind it… but then he clarified that he’s fine with whatever we choose to do. I’m Catholic and my Fiance is Jewish, so I think I’m going to keep the Catholic rule here and use the rings we’re going to wear forever because they’ll be blessed by our co-officiating priest and I don’t want to be wearing a sub. So definitely ask if you have mixed feelings about it.

Post # 13
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2009

We bought two plain bands to use for our ceremony, made of sterling silver, since our bands both are not uninterrupted. Costed us less than $50 for both- and since they go on our pointer fingers, they needed to be a different size to fit all the way anyways.

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