- 3 years ago
- Wedding: May 2015 - Fallbrook Hacienda
Is it weird to plan your own wedding/bridal shower?
Is it weird to plan your own wedding/bridal shower?
Why would you want to do this? Traditionally, the idea of a shower is to provide the bride with gifts to help set up her household. Usually friends of the bride, but occasionally family members will gather a group of people who are happy to help out a couple and are generously offering their time and gifts to celebrate. Do you want a group of people to celebrate the fact that you are getting married? You could plan an engagement party then. Do you want people to shower you with gifts? That might not sit well with others. It’s been done before (and probably will be done again), but to answer your question, yes, it is weird.
Kwhite20: yes. It’s also never supposed be be planned by the bride or asked for by the bride. It is something offered by friends and/or family to celebrate you.
If you are in a situation where your friends and/or family have not planned a shower, but you still want to celebrate something with them, then hosting a bridesmaid appreciation luncheon prior to the wedding is not out of order as long as you note that it is an event you are hosting to appreciate the dear friends and family who have been there for you through the years and make absolutely no mention of gifts.
I will probably the minority on here for this one and I’m well aware of the traditions, but I would say no personally because I’m assisting in the planning with mine. As far as “tradition” goes, the guests who are invited aren’t necessarily, IMO, going to care who’s throwing it as they were planning to buy a gift and attend a shower for the bride anyway. I’ve never heard a guest ask “who’s throwing the shower?” and gasp if the bride is helping out with it in any form… The shower is just expected as part of the wedding process so generally the guests ask “when’s the shower?” as showers aren’t surprises anymore especially in this time period.
There are some things that brides need to leave in others’ hands. The shower is one of them. It is rude to host an event for yourself to which guests are required to bring gifts.
Kwhite20: Again I am with jessica.j.baron: in being the minority because no one has time. I have acted as the go between for the girls and my mom. We have all discussed things as a group since its the first one for any of us. I would say it is uncommon for you to be fully in charge though
julies1949: I agree with the hosting yourself and expecting gifts is rude however you can help with it and even help out the girls pay for it as it is your shower. Everyone is bringing gifts for you so IMO it makes sense for the bride to pay for some of it to help out the hostess.
The reason that I say this is because there have been MANY posts on here where the bees give a bride advice or ‘lovely’ comments about how her girls are NOT obligated to throw her any party because they have their own lives with their own finances. But yet, showers are expected by most guests and will buy a gift for the couple – So….. if the bridesmaids or other women in the brides’ life aren’t obligated to throw her this shindig, then who is supposed to?
Love the catch-22 with these things 🙂
I just had my shower on Sunday past. The only thing I knew was the time and day as I booked the hall (as part of our wedding package we got shower space). My bridesmaids did all the work and did an awesome job. I know people who were more involved than me in the planning so that’s fine. I don’t know about doing all the planning yourself. It was nice having them do it.
The only thing the bride should have input on is the date and the guest list.
jessica.j.baron: No bride should expect a shower. The bridal party is not obligated to host one. A shower can be hosted by anyone close to the bride- friends, family of the bride, family of the groom, club members, work colleagues etc. If no one close to the bride wants to host a shower, then she doesn’t have one, plain and simple.
Showers need not be expensive. Maybe it is that expectation that needs to be reigned in. Having a few women over to your home (or someone else’s home) for tea, punch, and a few snacks doesn’t cost a lot. If the expectation is that 50-60 women will be invited to a restaurant for lunch, and no one can afford it, the expectation and the plan, or both, needs to be changed.
No variance in any of those circumstances makes it acceptable for a grown woman to host a shower for herself.
Kwhite20: a shower is a party someone hosts in your honor. its never ok to plan and host your own shower – you will come off as gift grabby. As PP said your only involvement should be providing a guest list and a date if you don’t want it to be a surprise
jessica.j.baron: But yet, showers are expected by most guests and will buy a gift for the couple – So….. if the bridesmaids or other women in the brides’ life aren’t obligated to throw her this shindig, then who is supposed to? Love the catch-22 with these things
It’s not a catch-22. No one is owed a shower. If your friends don’t want to throw you one, you don’t get one. The end.
jessica.j.baron: I’m half in agreement with you, and half not. 🙂
I agree with your first comment that if OP really wants to have a shower, but no one has offered to throw it, she could talk to family/bridesmaids and offer to cover the costs involved and be active in the planning process. It isn’t typical or traditional, but I don’t think it’s awful. Just don’t do it for the wrong reasons. If you want a shower just because you want more gifts, then I would advise not doing it. If you want a shower because it sounds like a fantastic and fun way to spend and afternoon with friends, then go for it.
I do disagree that showers are expected and put bridesmaids in a catch-22. It’s a nice gesture, but as PP have said, not an obligation. As far as I know, I’m not having a wedding shower.
Thanks ladies! I’m planning my own shower and doing everything. When we first got engaged it was in the month of May & we had a big Spanish theme fiesta, with of course lots of alcohol & food. Everyone wanted & invitation and everyone had a blast, got super drunk, ate plenty & left a huge mess for me to clean up, which was expected so I didn’t mind. And now everyone is asking when the shower is!? No one has offered to throw one. We are paying for the wedding ourselves completely, no one has offered to help but they all want an invitation. I decided to throw my own shower & everyone wants to come, pretty much because of free food & drinks. No one has offered to help financially but everyone is expecting an invitation therefore I don’t mind if I come off as gift grabby as a matter of fact if someone shows up without a gift , eats & gets drunk for free and bails I would be bothered! We’re having a coed shower so it’s gonna be a lot of people and a different vibe than a bridal shower more of a party vibe I guess but we are having games for everyone and prizes. my parents are cooking for the shower but of course the want us to buy the food and everything needed for them to cater it. I think in this day in age everyone goes to these celebrations for the wrong reasons and everyone expects a shower but no one steps up to do it! So therefore if they want a shower/party I will give them one but I do expect a gift!! Call me gift grabby and I’ll call you an ungrateful chowhound!!
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