(Closed) Wedding shower dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think, given your mum’s condition, most people would be pretty understanding of your doing the legwork for your shower Smile At least make sure you get your mother’s input wherever you can, but I’m sure your friends and family will understand that you helped organise it and think it’s great that you’re still honouring her as the host.

Post # 4
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Theres nothing saying your shower host needs to be your bridesmaids or your mother (in fact it shouldnt be an immediate family member). Do you have an aunt or cousin or other friend nearby who would want to host?  Even if just on paper and you still help out?  

Post # 5
581 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I think how you’re doing it is great!  I think everyone would completely understand given the situation.  my mom is hosting my shower with my bridesmaids.  The only argument I’ve heard against mothers hosting is that it looks gift grabby- which i don’t really understand b/c she isn’t getting the gifts anyway and it’s looked as a gift giving occasion no matter who hosts it.  In your case, however, that isn’t really an issue since you aren’t asking for gifts!

Post # 6
939 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@LadyElva:  i agree.  my mom and sisters are planning my shower. i have three sisters as bridesmais andthey want to plan it so why not? i think the idea of family not planning is outdated and it doesnt even make sense. parents have birthday parties for their kids and people dont see that as gift grabby or a nono.

Post # 8
735 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

A “shower” is a party where the attendees are supposed to give gifts to the guest of honor.  The whole purpose of the bridal shower is to “shower the bride with gifts.”  That’s why it’s considered impolite to host your own (or, technically, to have an immediate family member host) – it appears as though you are begging for gifts.

But you mention that you aren’t actually hoping for everyone to bring you gifts at your hometown pre-wedding-party.  If that’s the case, than a bridal tea (or luncheon) might be a better name for what you’re considering.  That indicates that the party will be a gathering of people to chat about pre-wedding things, recall fond memories, and meet each other, if they aren’t already all friends.  Arranging this for yourself is not bad form.

If you plan to pick up the bill for the food and drinks then you can issue an invitation that pretty much says “I’m having this luncheon.  You are invited as a guest.”

If, on the other hand, you aren’t going to be able to foot the bill, and you’d like your friends to pay for their own lunch, the note that you send to your friends should be informational: “Dear Close Friend, I’ll be celebrating my upcoming wedding over lunch at Olive Garden on June 29, 2013, at 11:30.  I would be so happy if you were able to join me.  With Love, Tabye”  Of course, you’d put in your information.

The second option doesn’t indicate that you are hosting a party or offering to pay for everyone’s food.  The first one is the style you’d use if the friends and family are going to be hosted (either at a restaurant where you pay the bill, or at a home/private venue where there won’t be a bill presented at the end of the meal/party).

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