Wedding Shower Guilt

posted 2 months ago in Parties
Post # 2
89 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: Iowa

I haven’t had my wedding yet so I can’t speak on my own personal experience of having one, but everyone who I know has had a shower when getting married, it’s very normal where I’m from and wouldn’t think it was odd at all/resent them for it. My mom got married to my step dad when she was 28ish and they already lived together too and everything and still had one! I’d say quit overthinking it and just the enjoy the time with your friends and family! 

Post # 3
8656 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

schmayne :  Is it the shower in and of itself that you’re uncomfortable with, or the fact that your mom is throwing it? Either way, it’s water under the bridge. Anyone who doesn’t want to celebrate with your or doesn’t want to get you an extra gift was free to decline. If I were you, I would assume that everyone is there because they WANT to celebrate and shower me with presents. These are your closest loved ones, right? Give them benefit of the doubt that they want to show their love in this way. Not to say that if people CAN’T make it to a shower that they don’t love that bride, but if they are able to, surely that’s a sign that they do. So look at it that way, be a gracious guest of honor, and enjoy your party.

Post # 4
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I don’t really understand.

What is the problem exactly? That you think you’re too old? Or that it is too expensive? And why would your friends resent your mum throwing a party?

Post # 5
2825 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

A wedding shower is literally to shower you with gifts, so putting “gifts optional” probably wouldn’t make sense or wouldn’t deter people from bringing gifts.

i didn’t have a bridal shower but I’ve been to plenty of them, even for people who “older” and have been living together/have everything they “need”. 

I think you’re overthinking it, have the bridal shower, be appreciative of the gifts, and make sure to send thank you cards.

schmayne :  

Post # 6
9372 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

You’re overthinking. People are happy to celebrate with you and buy a gift. I’ve never resented being invited to a shower or buying a gift for a friend. 

Post # 8
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

Oh ok!

I think you should not overthink it. It’s supposed to be fun and having a good time! Don’t feel bad about it. And who doesn’t like to be invited to celebrate with their friend, sibling etc. I would be, although it’s not a tradition where I’m from. And IF there is someone that don’t feel like coming ,then she can still cancel it.

Have a good time, enjoy your day and thank everyone for coming and for the ones that bought you a gift and you’ll be fine.

Post # 9
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

Are wedding showers normal in your circles? If so, then you are totally overthinking it because literally no one will bat an eye about it. 

If they’re not normal in your circles, then perhaps try to make sure that your registry doesn’t contain a bunch of over the top, expensive items so that people don’t feel pressured to buy something big and expensive for the shower and then again for the wedding. You could always add some of the larger ticket items to your registry after the shower for anyone who wants to buy something at a higher price point for the wedding gift. 

I dont think anyone is going to resent you for having a wedding shower regardless of whether they are the norm in your circles or not though, so you really are stressing yourself out over nothing.

Like, I’m not a big fan of the whole shower idea in general and they’re not the norm in any of my circles, but if a close friend or family member had one thrown for them I would probably go and give a small gift (but would account for that when deciding how much to gift at the wedding) and think nothing really of it. How long they’d been living together or of they owned a house or how old they are really wouldn’t factor into how I felt about it.

I would probably just pass on it if it was a less close friend though or if it required any more effort to attend than “drive across town on a Saturday afternoon”. Even if it was my bestest best friend or immediate family, a shower (wedding, baby, anything else) just isn’t the type of thing I would ever consider important enough to travel for. But I would not be annoyed or cranky about the fact they had one or that they invited me (assuming of course they don’t get their panties in a twist about me not seeing it as an important occasion).

Post # 11
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

I can totally relate with the guilt. I’m older than you (33) and my fiance’s aunt is throwing me one. Initially I didn’t want it, but my fiancé pointed out that it’s an opportunity for my side of the family to meet his in a more laid-back setting before the wedding. It is also an opportunity for the aunts, some of whom may not be able to come to the wedding because of travel, to celebrate with us. At the end of the day, your mom is throwing it for you because she wants to, and your friends and family who come will be there because they want to. Don’t overthink it!

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