Post # 1
So my mom is throwing me a shower next weekend, and I can’t help but but feel guilty and ashamed/embarrassed when I think about it. If I’m honest, I actually did want a shower because I always envisioned it as part of the pre-wedding celebrations and another opportunity to soak up the fun of the wedding. So I never protested having one thrown for me and my mom is hosting one, and she seems really excited.
I can’t help only feeling embarrassed/ashamed about it, and wished I said no to it from the start. My fiance and I bought our first house two years ago, and like many of you, only have old hand me down stuff for most of our things. I think the fact we have a house at our age (28) is part of the reason I feel unworthy or too old to have a shower thrown for me. In hindsight I wish I suggested she put “gifts optional” on the invite, because it’s more about the celebration, but I didn’t think about it until well after the invites went out (… like 3 days ago).
My mom is really excited about it, and I want to be excited about it too so I dont ruin it for her or myself. Did anyone else feel this way beforehand and have any advice/insight? My cousin and sister in law are the only other ones I know that have had showers thrown for them in our family (but most of my cousins are older, so maybe I was just younger when it happened for others).
I just cant help that feel like my family and friends are resenting the fact that my mom is throwing me a shower. Ugh. Help.
Post # 2
I haven’t had my wedding yet so I can’t speak on my own personal experience of having one, but everyone who I know has had a shower when getting married, it’s very normal where I’m from and wouldn’t think it was odd at all/resent them for it. My mom got married to my step dad when she was 28ish and they already lived together too and everything and still had one! I’d say quit overthinking it and just the enjoy the time with your friends and family!
Post # 3
schmayne : Is it the shower in and of itself that you’re uncomfortable with, or the fact that your mom is throwing it? Either way, it’s water under the bridge. Anyone who doesn’t want to celebrate with your or doesn’t want to get you an extra gift was free to decline. If I were you, I would assume that everyone is there because they WANT to celebrate and shower me with presents. These are your closest loved ones, right? Give them benefit of the doubt that they want to show their love in this way. Not to say that if people CAN’T make it to a shower that they don’t love that bride, but if they are able to, surely that’s a sign that they do. So look at it that way, be a gracious guest of honor, and enjoy your party.
Post # 4
I don’t really understand.
What is the problem exactly? That you think you’re too old? Or that it is too expensive? And why would your friends resent your mum throwing a party?
Post # 5
A wedding shower is literally to shower you with gifts, so putting “gifts optional” probably wouldn’t make sense or wouldn’t deter people from bringing gifts.
i didn’t have a bridal shower but I’ve been to plenty of them, even for people who “older” and have been living together/have everything they “need”.
I think you’re overthinking it, have the bridal shower, be appreciative of the gifts, and make sure to send thank you cards.
Post # 6
You’re overthinking. People are happy to celebrate with you and buy a gift. I’ve never resented being invited to a shower or buying a gift for a friend.
Post # 7
bellabelle12 : It’s just the idea of having a shower thrown at all. I’m not too worried that it’s my mom (I dont think that matters in my circle, but maybe I’m out of touch). I think I’m just worried it’s a passé tradition and people are only coming because they feel obligated. But I think you are all right and that I’m just overthinking it! I should just be excited and accept that those who are coming are coming because they want to 🙂 I appreciate the feedback!
Post # 8
I think you should not overthink it. It’s supposed to be fun and having a good time! Don’t feel bad about it. And who doesn’t like to be invited to celebrate with their friend, sibling etc. I would be, although it’s not a tradition where I’m from. And IF there is someone that don’t feel like coming ,then she can still cancel it.
Have a good time, enjoy your day and thank everyone for coming and for the ones that bought you a gift and you’ll be fine.
Post # 9
Are wedding showers normal in your circles? If so, then you are totally overthinking it because literally no one will bat an eye about it.
If they’re not normal in your circles, then perhaps try to make sure that your registry doesn’t contain a bunch of over the top, expensive items so that people don’t feel pressured to buy something big and expensive for the shower and then again for the wedding. You could always add some of the larger ticket items to your registry after the shower for anyone who wants to buy something at a higher price point for the wedding gift.
I dont think anyone is going to resent you for having a wedding shower regardless of whether they are the norm in your circles or not though, so you really are stressing yourself out over nothing.
Like, I’m not a big fan of the whole shower idea in general and they’re not the norm in any of my circles, but if a close friend or family member had one thrown for them I would probably go and give a small gift (but would account for that when deciding how much to gift at the wedding) and think nothing really of it. How long they’d been living together or of they owned a house or how old they are really wouldn’t factor into how I felt about it.
I would probably just pass on it if it was a less close friend though or if it required any more effort to attend than “drive across town on a Saturday afternoon”. Even if it was my bestest best friend or immediate family, a shower (wedding, baby, anything else) just isn’t the type of thing I would ever consider important enough to travel for. But I would not be annoyed or cranky about the fact they had one or that they invited me (assuming of course they don’t get their panties in a twist about me not seeing it as an important occasion).
Post # 10
sboom : it’s hard to say if they are normal in my circle because only a small handful of us have gotten married so far. But i don’t think they are abnormal, as I’ve been to a few. Fortunately most of our registry items are on the lower end, and I have zero expectations of anyone invited. I actually feel so honoured that anyone wants to come and celebrate with me!
Thank you everyone for your feedback, I appreciate the insight. I am feeling much better about the whole thing and at this point should just enjoy it and just appreciate the love of our friends and family. A lot of people have said theirs actually ended up being lots of fun, so hopefully that’s the case 🙂 🙂
Post # 11
I can totally relate with the guilt. I’m older than you (33) and my fiance’s aunt is throwing me one. Initially I didn’t want it, but my fiancé pointed out that it’s an opportunity for my side of the family to meet his in a more laid-back setting before the wedding. It is also an opportunity for the aunts, some of whom may not be able to come to the wedding because of travel, to celebrate with us. At the end of the day, your mom is throwing it for you because she wants to, and your friends and family who come will be there because they want to. Don’t overthink it!