Post # 1
So a little background: I got engaged in July of 2011. My fiance and I set our wedding date for October of 2013 in order to save money to pay for our wedding, since neither of our families could help. My oldest friend turned me down when I asked her to be my maid of honor, because she said she didn’t feel comfortable with all the party throwing, etc. (She is not exactly Martha Stewart).
Well, she just got engaged this January and is getting married at the end of September, 2013. I’ll be the first to admit that there is a little bit of resentment in me that her dad is throwing her a lavish wedding and that they didn’t have to wait and save money and are now getting married just two weeks before us.
So, I am her Maid/Matron of Honor and she just sent me her bridal shower guest list. It’s 65 people, many of whom I know that she is not actually close to. She is also having two other showers, one with her family/relatives and another with her FH’s family. I don’t have access to any home that could fit that number of people and I really don’t have the money to spend on renting a space out. Beyond that, I am nervous about how I am going to pay to feed 65 women! I went to her with my concerns and she was so annoyed, telling me that it’s her wedding and my job is to make it special for her and that she expects the shower to not be “cheap or tacky”.
So what to do now? I’ve heard that it’s rude to ask the other bridesmaids to help chip in… but I just don’t know how I can afford what the bride wants.
Ah! Opinions please!
Post # 3
@purplediamonds: You tell Little Miss Priviliged that you’re good for a 20 lady shower, so she can either mow her guest list for Gift Grab 2013 down herself, or you’ll do it for her. Showers are not a mandatory thing thrust upon attendants, they are gifts given by the nearest and dearest of the bride to help her prepare to set up her own household and have fun!
Post # 4
A bridal shower is a privilege and not a right. It is supposed to be a nice day with close friends and family…. Not a huge over the top event that leaves one person financially ruined!
Post # 5
First of all, the other bridesmaids should be chipping in. I think you need to lay it down to your friend that you can afford X and Y but that’s it. If that’s not good enough then I would suggest stepping down from your role as Maid/Matron of Honor.
Post # 7
Um, the other bridesmaids are absolutely obligated to help you pay for it, but I would also hit up her mom. That is ridiculous.
Post # 8
She doesn’t sound like a very good friend, to be honest. Not only is she expecting you to do something she refused to, she gets annoyed with you when you expressed perfectly legitimate concerns about paying for her celebration? Is she aware of the reasons for which you waited to get married? If she isn’t, a frank discussion with her might be in order. If she is, well… again, doesn’t sound like a very nice friend. If she really gets mad at you for “ruining” her fun by not being able to pay for her and her friends to have a good time, I might not worry too much about potentially losing her as a friend by stepping down.
I’m not poor by any means, but I have a number of friends whose families are wealthier, and I definitely know what it’s like to deal with the expectations of more financially privileged people. Sometimes people who come from money really don’t understand what it’s like to have limitations on your spending, even when they think they do.