(Closed) wedding shower, no wedding?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
3267 posts
Sugar bee

unfortunately no wedding, no shower.

There is no way to politely invite someone to buy you a gift, if you willing to host them and invite them to your wedding.

Your mother also should not be hosting a shower on your behalf.

Post # 5
221 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I have to agree with PPs – we had a destination wedding with only close family (15 guests) and we didn’t have a shower. We’re having a reception in a local wine bar in a few weeks for our friends.

Post # 6
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I wouldn’t do it. I can see my mom wanting to do this too if my Fiance and I were eloping, but I would insist on not doing it.

Post # 7
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I hosted a shower for a coworker who had a Destination Wedding and no one from work was invited.  I did it because I wanted to and no one had a problem with it.  She is our coworker and we see her everyday, so everyone wanted to get her a gift.  It wasn’t weird at all.

Post # 8
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Suggest your mom host a ladie’s luncheon or high tea where the women can shower you with love and advice instead of presents. I’m sure after you elope, some friends and family will buy you presents but most people assume a shower is followed by a formal wedding.

Good luck!

Post # 9
3726 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@GeorgiaBride5:  Work showers are different from hosting a family shower and then (secretly) eloping. Most folks cannot afford to invite every colleague so getting together as a team to celebrate the bride or groom is great fun with no expectations. I think what the OP is stating is a little different of a scenario.

Post # 10
1326 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I don’t see a problem with it if people are aware there will be 10 people at your wedding. I also don’t see a problem with your mother throwing the shower. It’s done all the time around here because oftentimes the moms are the ones willing to plan it! The rest of us are too busy.

Post # 11
8823 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@solidarity:  i agree.  if you are truly only inviting 10 people to your wedding, and someone wants to throw you a shower.  as long as everyone knows they are not getting invited to the wedding, i see no problem with it.

but because you are having a reception at a later date, i would keep the shower very small.  to family and very close friends.



Post # 12
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@andielovesj:  this too! 

Coworker thing is different. To have your mom throw you a shower looks gift grabby to begin with. . . never mind not inviting to a wedding. 

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