(Closed) Wedding shower registry and wedding registry? Expected to give multiple gifts?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Is it proper etiquette to ask a guest for both a wedding shower gift and wedding gift?

    Yes in all cases

    Yes if the shower gift is small and inexpensive, not > $200 registry items


  • Post # 2
    2009 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2017

    I have NO offical clue on this so maybe completely wrong but isn’t the same registry used for both?

    (i think ive seen some bee saying that everything was bought of the registry so theres nothing left for the wedding before)

    really a registry in general should have a range of prices from a few dollars up to the most expensive item with the majority being between £5-£50 and should have twice as many items as guests so even late buyers have choice

    I dont know how much is expected at a shower but I would ignore higher priced items, they are usually for family or joint gifts

    Post # 3
    8601 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Yes you typically do give a shower and a wedding gift. Typically the shower is a modest household thing and the wedding gift more substantial. Engagement party- no gift necessary. Maybe a bottle of champagne if you’re feeling generous. 

    You dont have a seperate registry for your shower and wedding though. It’s all one. And you don’t need to buy off it if you don’t want to. 

    Post # 4
    335 posts
    Helper bee

    In my area it’s common to give a registry gift for the shower (I usually find something between $50-100 or will split a more expensive gift with a friend), and give cash at the wedding. 

    If all the registry items are out of your budget, maybe you could purchase a gift card for an amount you are comfortable with to the store they’re registered at?

    Post # 5
    30399 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    If I attend a shower, I take a gift. Showers are all about gifting the bride.

    The registry should contain smaller items for the shower. Often couples include larger items which would be seen as wedding gifts, because the wedding shower is a way to let the guests know about the registry.

    If there are no smaller items, I would either buy them a smaller item from a line that is included on the registry, give them a gift card to a store where they are registered, or give them something generic like tea towels and dishcloths which anyone can use.

    A wedding gift is not mandatory, but I personally would never attend without taking a gift.

    Decide ahead of time what your gift budget is for the couple. Spend part of it for a shower gift and the rest for a wedding gift.

    Post # 6
    332 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    View original reply
    raspberrybidet:  Yes.  Well usually its a bridal shower and not a wedding shower but joint showers are becoming more popular.  However if I got a really nice gift at the shower, I probably wouldn’t think it was weird to only get one gift.  If there is nothing on the cheaper end than you may have to go off the registry.  As PP suggested gift cards or a gift that most people can use like a coffee mug or towels.  Usually for the honeymoon sites you can add any amount monetary value so I would go that route.

    Post # 7
    3589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I’ve only ever gotten people one wedding present! There’s no way I would ask for more than one! I think weddings have gone a bit overboard with the gifts to be honest. However I’ve never actually been to a ‘wedding shower’ – I don’t think it’s a thing where I am. People do hens/bucks parties and maybe an engagement party. It hasn’t been expected to bring presents to those.

    Post # 8
    198 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    I know gifts are not expected for engagement parties, but shower gifts are usually limited for kitchen, bedroom and bathroom items (at least the few that I have attended). Like OP stated, the wedding gifts are usually other items on the registry or substantial items.

    Post # 9
    5360 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    raspberrybidet:  I do give both a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift. Generally the wedding gift is bigger- in the $100-$200 range. Shower gift I generally stick to around $50-$60 depending on the bride. It sounds to me like they may have switched their “engagement party” to a “wedding shower” but yeah…. those gifts are too expensive for that kind of even unless you guys are super rich. 

    Post # 10
    924 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    nonablu:  same here… I’ve actually never even heard of giving a gift for both. It’s just always seemed if your in to the shower you gift your gift there and if not you take it to the wedding, although I’ve never seen anyone give any gifts at the wedding itself. Then again, showers here are typically given by coworkers (usually not invited to the wedding) and then family, such as an aunt or something, and it’s VERY close family who attends (moms, sisters, sisters in law, aunts, first cousins). Typically friends don’t host them or attend them here. Those are what the bachelorette party is for… (A girls night get together, but gift-less). Engagement parties are also gift-less and are an informal get together. 

    Post # 11
    1455 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2016

    It may be a regional thing. Where I live, it is typical to give a gift for the shower and also for the wedding.

    Post # 12
    9948 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I would never attend a shower or a wedding without a gift at each.

    Typically, showers are for close friends and family of the bride. Perhaps your Future Sister-In-Law is trying to include you more in her life.  I think it’s a kind gesture on her part.  If her registry doesn’t have anything you can afford on it in, get a nice picture frame and a card with a nice message inside. 

    Post # 13
    3383 posts
    Sugar bee

    I think it’s a regional thing too, but I always give a gift off the registry for the shower and money for the wedding. 

    Post # 14
    34 posts
    • Wedding: April 2016

    Bridal shower gift usually consists of a household item (dishes, stemware, pot, pans, etc.) While wedding is usally a monetary gift.

    Post # 15
    3108 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    If you are invited to a bridal shower, yes, you gift at both the shower and the wedding. 

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