Post # 1
My father asked me informally to save a date for my brother’s “engagement party.” I asked whether gifts were expected, and he said no. I’m not in the bridal party or part of the wedding; he and I are not close, and I’ve only met his fiancee twice.
Then I get the invitation to a “wedding shower” for the same day as the “engagement party,” with links to a “shower registry” with options including pricey household items and honeymoon related expenses. I’m far from an expert on this stuff, but aren’t those gifts more typical of wedding gifts rather than shower gifts? I confess that I’ve never been to any kind of bridal or wedding shower before, so I’m clueless about shower etiquette. But I thought of wedding showers as events for the bridal party and close friends, and thought the gifts were usually small and inexpensive.
I did find this Miss Manners post from 2012 which said that guests should not be expected to give multiple wedding gifts: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-dont-pay-the-marriage-tax-by-giving-multiple-gifts/2012/01/05/gIQADLOsGQ_story.html
What say you, bees? Is it normal for invited family members to give both a “wedding shower” gift and a wedding gift like this?
Post # 2
I have NO offical clue on this so maybe completely wrong but isn’t the same registry used for both?
(i think ive seen some bee saying that everything was bought of the registry so theres nothing left for the wedding before)
really a registry in general should have a range of prices from a few dollars up to the most expensive item with the majority being between £5-£50 and should have twice as many items as guests so even late buyers have choice
I dont know how much is expected at a shower but I would ignore higher priced items, they are usually for family or joint gifts
Post # 3
Yes you typically do give a shower and a wedding gift. Typically the shower is a modest household thing and the wedding gift more substantial. Engagement party- no gift necessary. Maybe a bottle of champagne if you’re feeling generous.
You dont have a seperate registry for your shower and wedding though. It’s all one. And you don’t need to buy off it if you don’t want to.
Post # 4
In my area it’s common to give a registry gift for the shower (I usually find something between $50-100 or will split a more expensive gift with a friend), and give cash at the wedding.
If all the registry items are out of your budget, maybe you could purchase a gift card for an amount you are comfortable with to the store they’re registered at?
Post # 5
If I attend a shower, I take a gift. Showers are all about gifting the bride.
The registry should contain smaller items for the shower. Often couples include larger items which would be seen as wedding gifts, because the wedding shower is a way to let the guests know about the registry.
If there are no smaller items, I would either buy them a smaller item from a line that is included on the registry, give them a gift card to a store where they are registered, or give them something generic like tea towels and dishcloths which anyone can use.
A wedding gift is not mandatory, but I personally would never attend without taking a gift.
Decide ahead of time what your gift budget is for the couple. Spend part of it for a shower gift and the rest for a wedding gift.
Post # 6
Yes. Well usually its a bridal shower and not a wedding shower but joint showers are becoming more popular. However if I got a really nice gift at the shower, I probably wouldn’t think it was weird to only get one gift. If there is nothing on the cheaper end than you may have to go off the registry. As PP suggested gift cards or a gift that most people can use like a coffee mug or towels. Usually for the honeymoon sites you can add any amount monetary value so I would go that route.
Post # 7
I’ve only ever gotten people one wedding present! There’s no way I would ask for more than one! I think weddings have gone a bit overboard with the gifts to be honest. However I’ve never actually been to a ‘wedding shower’ – I don’t think it’s a thing where I am. People do hens/bucks parties and maybe an engagement party. It hasn’t been expected to bring presents to those.
Post # 8
I know gifts are not expected for engagement parties, but shower gifts are usually limited for kitchen, bedroom and bathroom items (at least the few that I have attended). Like OP stated, the wedding gifts are usually other items on the registry or substantial items.
Post # 9
I do give both a bridal shower gift and a wedding gift. Generally the wedding gift is bigger- in the $100-$200 range. Shower gift I generally stick to around $50-$60 depending on the bride. It sounds to me like they may have switched their “engagement party” to a “wedding shower” but yeah…. those gifts are too expensive for that kind of even unless you guys are super rich.
Post # 10
same here… I’ve actually never even heard of giving a gift for both. It’s just always seemed if your in to the shower you gift your gift there and if not you take it to the wedding, although I’ve never seen anyone give any gifts at the wedding itself. Then again, showers here are typically given by coworkers (usually not invited to the wedding) and then family, such as an aunt or something, and it’s VERY close family who attends (moms, sisters, sisters in law, aunts, first cousins). Typically friends don’t host them or attend them here. Those are what the bachelorette party is for… (A girls night get together, but gift-less). Engagement parties are also gift-less and are an informal get together.
Post # 11
It may be a regional thing. Where I live, it is typical to give a gift for the shower and also for the wedding.
Post # 12
I would never attend a shower or a wedding without a gift at each.
Typically, showers are for close friends and family of the bride. Perhaps your Future Sister-In-Law is trying to include you more in her life. I think it’s a kind gesture on her part. If her registry doesn’t have anything you can afford on it in, get a nice picture frame and a card with a nice message inside.
Post # 13
I think it’s a regional thing too, but I always give a gift off the registry for the shower and money for the wedding.
Post # 14
Bridal shower gift usually consists of a household item (dishes, stemware, pot, pans, etc.) While wedding is usally a monetary gift.
Post # 15
If you are invited to a bridal shower, yes, you gift at both the shower and the wedding.