(Closed) Wedding + Soon-to-be-Med School student + fiance who only works part time = ?…

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I’m going to go ahead and beat the dead horse because having a civil ceremony now seems like the only way you can get married without going into financial ruin.   You shouldn’t be trying to live off of loans– I think taking out loans for rent or food is a really poor choice, because you’re saddling yourself with a ton of debt.   The loans in your name shouldn’t totally support you, much less you and a partner.   If you are considering using student loans to get through the day to day, how can you budget money for a wedding?  What kind of wedding do you have in mind?

I think I’d put off applying to med school for a year.  Work full-time and bank as much money as you possibly can.  Make a budget to see how much you’re both making and how much you can afford to put into school, rent, food, etc.   Can you both afford to be in school at the same time, or is someone going to have to be the breadwinner. 

 

Post # 4
Member
1855 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

oh hey, biography. i face the same stress with my wedding and med school, although Fiance is long graduated and employed. i’m very “anti-accepting money from him,” so it’s difficult for me to plan a wedding knowing how expensive my schooling is, and not wanting him to foot the bills.

Post # 6
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@diana.evans.bowen:  Right, but if you can afford not to live on loans, then you should do so– you have to pay loans back and it’s miserable.  Every month you will send a huge portion of your check off to the government.  FI and I have loans together (combined total is under 100k) and it’s still awful, I can’t imagine what 4 years of medical school and housing would look like.  

I don’t think anyone should live off of loans, I think that’s why student loans are such a hot political topic right now.  The government/banks will lend you all kinds of money– you could buy a car with those loans if you wanted!– but you have to pay it back with a ton of interest. 

If he’s making enough to pay rent for himself, how much is rent going to go up once you live together?  I think you should sit down and budget. 

I absolutely don’t understand why anyone would take their savings and use it for a wedding when they don’t have enough money to pay for a roof over their head.  It doesn’t seem like a smart beginning to a marriage.

Post # 7
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Using your savings and your parent’s money on something as useless as a wedding when you can barely feed and house yourselves is a stupid thing to do.  Have a small courthouse or church wedding and then use the money from your parents to pay off some student debt and to keep a roof over your heads.

And seriously reconsider getting married before medical school.  Most med students who are married before med school get divorced or drop out. It literally eats your entire life.  You can’t have kids, you can’t have dates or do fun things because you are literally in school or studying all the time.  When you’re a resident, it gets worse because now they have cots for you to sleep on so you don’t even have to go home.  You will go several days in a row without seeing him.  Getting into medical school is nearly as competitive as a program I am trying to get into (clinical psychology PhD)–there are literally 1-200 qualified people clamoring for every spot available.  They are not going to defer enrollment.  If you get in, you start that fall and if you don’t, someone who was waitlisted gets your spot. 

In your shoes, I’d put off getting married and go to med school.  Live on the savings as much as you can and see how your relationship goes with the first 2-3 semesters of school.  When he finishes his degree and can support you both a little better, then you get married.  I’d do a civil ceremony unless he comes out of his degree progam making serious bank.

Post # 8
Member
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If your parents are paying for most of the wedding I really don’t see the problem.  I’ve been to some seriously hard core low budget outdoor weddings and they’ve been fantastic.  Just remember, not all weddings cost an arm and a leg.  If you want a dance, skip the DJ and use an ipod, if you want a wedding dress, buy off the rack or redo your moms, get married on a Friday, limit the guest list to close friends and family, skip the metal silverwear/glass glasses,get a mutual friend or close family member ordained online and have them marry you, contact a local community college photography department and see if some students want to take the pictures (I would recommend seeing some of their work first), do your own hair, there are so many ways to have nicely done, yet frugal wedding.  For the love of all things natural, do not take out loans for your wedding.  That’s absolutely ridiculous.  If your parents are willing to help pay for a ‘do it up big’ wedding, they may be willing to pay for the entirety of a low-scale, tightly budgeted non-courthouse wedding. 

Post # 9
Member
2603 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

There’s like a million parts to this question:

1. WEDDING 

I have to go with bookworm88 on this one–if you are having trouble with basic living expenses, it’s a bad idea to have a wedding. I suppose if you wanted to look at it as an investment–ie, you host a wedding for say, $20K and look to receive gifts in exchange, you could, but it’s unlikely that unless your friends and family are extremely wealthy and generous that you will make up the costs in gifts (the only people I’ve heard of doing such a thing had a $28/apiece wedding INVITATION–which should tell you something about their crowd!) Otherwise, the reality is that a wedding is a luxury and right now, you can’t afford it. Yes, NurseMarriedToAFarmer (love the SN!) is right–you CAN do a modest wedding on a budget, but even if your wedding was only $2K or your parents were to give you $2K, you’d be much much better off saving the money for your living expenses or even investing it. 

2. MARRIAGE

Well, this is up to you, although I don’t quite understand the urgency unless (and I understand this is unromantic and prosaic and not stuff we’d like to admit about marriage but–) you are concerned about taxes and/or healthcare. Because otherwise, the attachment you have to marriage is purely psychological/emotional. That’s not to pooh-pooh a psychological/emotional attachment, but think about whether it’s worth satisfying that: you are young, your Fiance is young, the two of you are stretching financially and you’re about to enter a very stressful time that often puts strain on ANY realtionship–most of my friends who went to medical school didn’t marry until the last year (and that includes 2 couples who had been dating since freshman year of college!) because of that. 

3. LOANS

I’m in agreement that if you have the choice to live without loans or the opportunity to minimize your loans, don’t take them or make every step to minimize the amount you are borrowing. Medical school is not cheap and the average debt at graduation is about $150K. Now, generally speaking, school loans are relatively good in terms of interest rates and there are ways of getting them forgiven, depending on where you work and your career path (not sure about medical school, but some school systems have forgiveness programs for education loans taken by teachers). Having said that, do bear in mind that it took the Obamas–one of which graduated from Harvard summa cum laude as editor of the Harvard Law Review (and I’m sure Michelle was no slouch herself) up to 8 years ago to pay of their loans. 

So, if it were me, I’d sit down with Fiance and figure this out and rather than saying, “Well, it could take 2 years, or it could take 6” for him to graduate, try to pinpoint how long or at least a smaller window. I dont’ think it’s a bad thing to wait 3 years to apply to medical school and spend that time working in the field (although I’m not in that field, so other bees correct me if I’m wrong!) solely because at the very least, you can stand out in an applicant pool of recent college grads as someone who genuinely thought about the profession and took steps to work in the field before applying. 

Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@diana.evans.bowen 

I am in a similar situation with my Fiance.  He is currently in his first year of medical school, and I am in my first year of graduate school.  We are getting married next June which will be after his second year and I will be finished with graduate school.  We do not currently live together and will not be until we marry.  He is living off of his loan money.  It is not the optimal choice, but there is no other option.  There is NO way to work during medical school.  However, he was able to receive assitance through HUD and get his housing paid.

In most medical schools, the first two years are in the classroom and the second two are on rotations.  Maybe if you get by for the first two years on loans and your fiance can save up and finish school.  Then get married after second year and hopefully your husband could be finished with school and working so you wouldn’t have to take out as much in loans.  Loans are terrible, but they are a part of med school.

I would say apply now, and see if you get in.  It is a long and stressful process.  Do not defer if you are accepted.  I hear they do not look kindly towards that.  As well, you are going to have to think about relocating.  Rotations which occur third and fourth year often require students to move.  This would not be good if you waited and your fiance was already established in a job.

Getting married during medical school is tough no matter when you do it.  But it can be done! I would suggest not putting medical school off if it is something you really want.  I suggest getting married between second and third year.  It gives your fiance time to finish school, you would know where you would be moving, and he could get a job there so you wouldn’t need to take out as much in loans.  Whatever you decide, you guys can do it!

Post # 11
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m in law school, was engaged my first year and planned a very small wedding (40 guests). I would not wish that on anyone. If you are going to get married, do it before school. Be super budget conscious. I can’t explain to you all of the extra things you will have to pay for in medical school. Everything costs money and you simply can’t skimp on that. You can have a big beautiful wedding later, but for now, think about the sentiment and how happy you are to wed your fiance. 

Post # 12
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I just got married and am in medical school. Thought I’d chime in. Yes, you can LIVE off of loans in medical school, actually you kind of have to unless your parents are footing your bill.  As previously stated, there is absolutely positively no way to work and go to medical school.  However, don’t use your loan money to pay for a wedding.  I have classmates that support families and even some children on loan money.  Yes, loans aren’t good but in the medical world they are inevitable and luckily there is great job security as a physician (I will have $230,000 to pay off!).  Don’t put off applying to medical school. It is a long process and you may not get in the first try (I didn’t, actually).  If it is truly your dream then don’t delay the process any longer! 

And to clarify, someone mentioned moving mid-med school which isn’t true.  You are at a program for 4 years until residency which is when you usually relocate for another 3-6 years depending on your field of focus.  During your 3rd and 4th year you have the option (at many schools) to do away rotations for 3-4 weeks at a time.  You don’t need to move your entire household around every couple of weeks, so don’t worry.

Good luck! 

Post # 13
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Oh yeah i forgot to mention that rent is usually cheaper with 2 people 😉

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