Post # 1
So here is the deal…
My Fiance and I have been engaged for a little over a month and I’m already reclusing into a hole because the anxiety of wedding planning is just plain overwhelming.
I have a very large family (60 people) that have all been involved in my life growing up. My fiances family (20 people) mostly live out of state, but he has 2 aunts and 2 uncles that live in state that he is pretty close to. Then we were going to invite 20 more people, including family friends and our closest friends. The issue is that my Fiance wants a small wedding (20-30 people) but I can’t break up my family and pick and choose because I know that peoples feelings would be hurt.. like, “oh, aunt __ was invited, but I wasn’t? See if I invite y’all to my childs next birthday party”.. or something along those lines. It worries me..
Also, I kind of agree with my Fiance that a small wedding would be more calm and peaceful but I continue having this internal battle on what I should do. I used to be the girl that would invite her 200 friends to her birthday parties and I loved being the center of attention.. but as I continue to grow as a woman, I tend to feel anxious in large crowds and I’m more “zen” now, I suppose you could say. Not to mention I am a HUGE worry wart. I worry about eveything.. who’s feelings I’m going to be hurting, how people are going to perceive our decorations, who will feel left out.. I also worry about the planning process because everyone will have an opinion on which dress, which flowers, which cake, which shoes, which food.. and I am totally indecisive as it is..
The thought of planning a 100 guest wedding terrifies me. It stresses me out just thinking about it. I’m just unsure of what’s more important.. My sanity or both of our families joining together (like a family reunion). Traditionally the point of a wedding is to join the families, so that makes me think that I should invite all of both of our families.. but the I have other people telling me “it’s your day, do what makes you happy”.. but I just can’t get the worry out of my head of upseting people.. What do I do????? Do any of you have pros and cons to having a small or larger wedding? What has your experience been with big and small weddings? Any advice will help! Thank you!
Post # 3
Well the big “pro” to a big wedding us that everyone gets to come. If it’s just the stress of planning a big wedding, then hire a planner if your budget allows, or look for a venue that will do a more inclusive event. Sometimes the venue will do the catering, cake, flowers, and provide a day-of coordinator. Large hotels and resorts tend to be able to offer more services; sometimes that’s a bit more expensive but if you don’t want the stress, that’s money well spent.
As for opinions, well we all know that saying about everyone having opinions and everyone having something else too! Be prepared to get a LOT of unsolicited advice— I’ve got a friend who emails me pictures of dresses four times a week even though my dress has been bought weeks ago. People are, for the most part, well-meaning and just want to share the excitement, but it gets old pretty quick. Make a list of those things you really would like advice on, and pick out one or two people for each thing, based on their strengths. Ask them if they’d not mind giving you advice or going shopping with you, and then don’t let other people get involved. It’s very easy for things to get out of control, so plan ahead, and stick to your plan.
Having the ceremony and the reception in the same place cuts down on the planning pain.
Keeping your bridal party SMALL will help tremendously. If you have 3 bridesmaids who are all friends themselves, your drama factor will be lower than if you have 7 bridesmaids, two MoH, a parade of flower girls, and half of them have never met.
In the end, the wedding planning stress has a built-in end date. It’s over after the wedding. The stress of having to make difficult decisions about family guests may stick around longer, though, if anyone gets hurt feelings. If you feel that you have a lot of “must invite” people, then it will need to be a big enough event to host them all.
Post # 4
I”m having a small wedding. 45-50 ppl max. Why? Cause it’s what we can afford. I have a HUGE family and extended family. Do I wish I was ballin’ enough to invite them all? Of course, but the fact of the matter is that it’s simply not financially feasible. Which leads me to this question – can you afford to have a 100 person wedding? Wanting to accomodate everyone and being able to afford it are 2 different things. I’m only asking because you didn’t mention if it was within your budget or not.
Also, having a small wedding allowed us to really wine and dine our guests. We’re now able to spoil them more than we would have been able to had we invited more people. And as to the stress? We’ve had VERY LITTLE stress. We just finished all our planning & booking this weekend. From now till the wedding I get to just sit back and (almost) relax. That’s not to say small weddings aren’t stress free. Weddings no matter what will bring stress. You just have to figure out if the stress of a large wedding could be manageable with the right support system or if it will turn you into a miserable wreck.
Post # 5
I understand your worry and frustration. My advise would be to have a wedding with just the immediate family of you both. That way you will have the set number and then leave it to your parents to explain ist an extra small wedding. Keep it simple and low key. I can tell you the one wedding that I have been to that was small 30-40 people was also the most intimate and memorable. If you are not up to planning a big wedding then don’t. It will only stress you out and you will regret it. By the way doing a small destination wedding cuts your guest list way down.
Post # 6
I think the stress of the wedding is more the type of wedding than the number of people who attend. You have to pick invitations whether its for 30 or 100–its just a matter of ordering more. Same thing goes for venue, favors, DJ, photographer, etc. Get my drift? Yes, getting more people involved seems like it will be more work, but when you really think about it, so much of the stuff you have to do whether its 20 or 200 people (dress, florist, photographer, location, etc.). If budget is the primary concern, then that changes things. And if you want a more intimate wedding, then by all means do. But if the concern is just the stress of it, keep in mind that you will have to be making a lot of decisions no matter what the size of the guest list is. Don’t forget to breathe, and enjoy it as much as you can!