(Closed) Wedding stuff I need help with. Especially AU brides

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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HoneyV:  Bridal showers are not part of true Australian wedding tradition. They are something that has crept in from the US. You can feel free to skip it entirely. Same with a hen’s night, you are free to decline any offers.

You can skip save the dates but thank you cards are a must. It is polite to thank your guests especially if they give a gift.

I have never heard of door gifts at an Australian wedding. This might be something regional. Favours are nice but definitely not a necessity. Most weddings I have been to in Australia have them but they are usually something small and edible.

Traditional Australian wedding etiquette says asking for gifts is rude. So asking for a monetary gift is considered rude. That said most Australians I know give cash at a wedding unless the couple have a gift registry. I don’t think you need to say anything to your guests unless they straight up ask you what you would like.

If they do ask you can just say you have everything you need for your home but are saving up for xyz. If someone is set on giving you a physical gift then telling them not to unprompted is either going to piss them off or not change their desire to give you a physical gift. Be prepared to graciously accept whatever gift a guest chooses to give you because even if you shout it from the roof tops chances are there will be guests that get you whatever they want to get you as is their right.

As for your friends, just be honest with them. Let them know that you love their excitement but have decided to have no wedding party. They will understand.

Post # 4
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1839 posts
Buzzing bee

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HoneyV:  Generally the thank you card is something you send after the wedding, a small note to thank your guests for coming to your wedding and for their generous gift (whether money or other wise). Unfortunately I’ve found that it is a dying custom but I would find it extremely rude if I gave a couple a gift for their wedding and didn’t receive some form of thank you note. Especially if people give you cash it’s nice to say thank you and let them know (in brief) what you will be using the cash for (ie, did you spend it on an adventure during your honeymoon, are you saving up for a new fridge, did you use it to buy a canvas print of a wedding photo, etc – people like to know what their gift was used for). 

Equally, please DO NOT ask for cash gifts. It is also extremely rude. I’ve been to a few weddings where the couple includes a little poem about why they want cash and it’s always so cringe-worthy. Proper ettiquette is that you don’t mention gifts at all to your guests. Brides often think they are being clever with the little poems and ‘cute’ ways of asking for cash, but it never comes across that way to your guests – it seems gift-grabby and greedy. Your close friends and parents should have an idea of the things you want (ie, you’re saving for a fridge) and they can spread the word as people ask. But also have a few physical gifts in mind as many people will still want to give you a gift. 

With your bridal party, just don’t have one. If people ask just say that the two of you aren’t comfortable putting those kind of labels on your friends and family and have decided not to have a wedding party so that all your friends and family can kick back and enjoy your wedding without feeling like they have a role to play.

Post # 5
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9163 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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HoneyV:  Honestly you don’t need to explain why you are not having a bridal party. Your friends should just accept when you say that you are not having a bridal party. If they do question your decision, which would be rude on their part, just say that a bridal party has never been part of your wedding vision as you would prefer them to enjoy the day as a guest.

The same goes for the hen’. If you really do not want one stand your ground. Remember to be kind because they are just trying to be good friends. I agree with you about travel for the parties. Unfortunately there is a lot of entitlement in today’s society which really does manifest itself in weddings. Overseas hens and bucks are ridiculous example of that. 

The thank you cards- when you say everyone from the reception and the ceremony what did you mean? Guests should be invited to both the ceremony and reception and not one (unless you are having a private ceremony with just immediate family) and then you send them one thank you card for coming to both The ceremony and reception. The card thanks them for witnessing your ceremony, celebrating at your reception and for their gift if they give one.

You will need something at the wedding in which cards can be placed. But please don’t use one of those poems. They really are redundant because most people will give cash if you do not have registry and those that don’t like giving cash gift are going to give you a physical gift whether you put a poem in or not.

Post # 6
Member
2790 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

I didn’t think I saw the need for save the dates however then I realised a lot of my family would be travelling from overseas and so something to let them know when and where the wedding would be before invitations went out suddenly seemed a good idea.  We didn’t bother getting printed ones, just got a nice picture of the two of us and put text on it saying Save the Date! Anna and William are getting married, Newcastle NSW 30 May 2015 (obviously made it look nice!) then emailed them around. It took twenty minutes and cost me nothing and my family really appreciated it.

We’re skipping favours too 🙂

Post # 7
Member
3239 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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HoneyV: You don’t have to thank everyone for coming to your wedding, that is what the reception is for (thus everyone invited to the ceremony MUST be invited to the reception), but yes you absolutely NEED to send thank you notes to everyone who gives you a gift! I don’t understand “not getting” thank you notes? Someone takes their hard earned money to give you something – you owe them a thank you. End of story.

I think requesting money is rude, but I have a feeling I won’t change your mind on that. My opinion is to have a small registery (register for some nice new towels or sheets – no one can ever have enough) and people will take the hint that you don’t need much “stuff”. 

Post # 8
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I’m in Australian and am Asian and am having a “western”style ceremony in the morning and a traditional Chinese-style banquet and tea ceremony in the evening.

I personally think thank you cards are a bit weird as well, but I think it comes down to what happens at the end of the night.  In western style receptions, the bride and groom usually leaves first (the guests see them off) and then everyone else goes.  There’s no chance to thank the guests for coming personally so I can see why thank you cards are important.

But with eastern-style receptions, the bride and groom see the guests off before leaving. That way you get to personally thank everyone for coming.  In that situation, I don’t think it’s necessary to follow up with a thank you card.

As for the money situation, I’ve been numerous weddings where the invites have a gentle suggestion that money rather than gifts is preferred.  On your invitations you can write something along the lines of “Your presence at our wedding is all that we wish for. However, if you want to give a gift, we will be grateful for a small cash donation towards our new future/house renovations/honeymoon/etc.” Quote is taken from this page: http://www.confetti.co.uk/wedding-ceremonies/traditions-customs/invitation-etiquette-how-to-ask-for-gift-of-cash/ I think in this day and age, most Australians can see that cash is most flexible and no one I know really think it’s rude to express that you prefer cash rather than a gift.  Or alternatively sign up for a gifts registry.

But it’s up to you. I’m personally not much of a traditionalist and I’m mixing and matching bit of both cultures to create something that suits us.

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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HoneyV:  I grew up in Australia but I’m Chinese… my wedding will actually be the first Chinese-banquet style wedding I’ll be attending! I’m learning a lot from my mum as we get closer to the ceremony.

As I said I’m not a traditionalist. My fiance’s white, and we’ve decided to do a mixed wedding. The morning will be “western style” in that I’ll be in a white dress and I’ll meet my fiance at the ceremony venue in a white dress.  We’ll exchange vows etc etc.  After the photos, we’ll head to the reception for the Chinese portion of the night! So no picking up the bride thing (even though it looks really fun!). Also the tea ceremony will be in the evening at the reception. My parents haven’t complained about the plan so I’m all good.

Post # 12
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee

I’m from Perth and I have been to tons of weddings in WA. I have never heard of a wedding where all guests aren’t invited to the reception so it is certainly not a Perth thing. There’s nothing stopping you from doing that but it’s good to be aware that if you invite people outside of his community, they are likely to find it a little bit weird.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 7 months ago by  movingbee.
Post # 14
Member
1341 posts
Bumble bee

i’m from Aus and every single wedding I have been to that hasn’t had a registry, has a wishing well card, so that’s how i’d suggest you approach it. I have never thought it rude. It’s useful. Id rather know not to look for A gift. Yes the poems may by cringe worthy, but to be honest, most of the time I don’t read them, but make note it was in there so I know when the wedding comes around. 

 

Post # 15
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

Please excuse my ignorance, but where is MYS?

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