- 6 years ago
I am starting to make a preparations for the wedding even though it’s at least 8-14 months away. Date isn’t even set yet.
I will be signing papers with my Fiance months before the wedding ceremony/reception. The wedding ceremony/reception will be held after I graduate and have moved countries. We will be having two ceremonies/receptions. 1 in AUS, 1 in MYS. We have set our budgets.
In AUS, it’s a church ceremony, and then a small reception.
In MYS, it’s a tea ceremony in the morning then a dinner (but I’m choosing for a buffet lunch instead), would be at least 15 tables coming(my relatives alone takes up 10 tables) but currency is smaller so it would cost less than the AUS wedding, and also, all the guest give cash instead of presents, so the cost of the MYS reception is at least half covered (worse possible scenario).
I have a few questions on western weddings and etiquette. You guys do different things than I’m used to seeing.
Gifts – Fiance and I don’t want/need gifts. We have bought and moved in to our house and have almost everything we need. By the time the wedding comes, we don’t need anything for the house. My culture don’t give gifts, we give money in red packets as our blessing to the couple because it helps the couple either pay the wedding or their start in their new life together. I want to do the same for our wedding in AU but how do I inform people about this?
I know some of you will say guest give if they want to, not an obligation. Fair enough, but I still want to inform my guests that cash gifts is what we need/prefer over presents so they would know and avoid buying gifts because we know some of them have the intention of getting us things!
Bridesmaids and groomsmen – We are leaning to not having any for the western wedding for a few reasons. I want my friends to sit in the crowd and enjoy the day. Also, since they are in my home country, they can’t help with any wedding related stuff anyway. But I have several friends that have self proclaimed to be my bridesmaids even before I got engaged. I feel very much loved that they want to be my bridesmaids and all willing to fly for my wedding, since they’re my good friends whom I love a lot. I never put any expectation for anyone from my home country to fly over for my wedding because it would cost a lot. So it was a good surprise.
My Fiance doesn’t want groomsmen because its a little political. If he is being honest with his choice, he would only choose 2 friends that he is 100% comfortable with, A & B. However there would be friends C & D that would be unhappy that they weren’t chosen especially C because he always goes around claiming his is my FI’s ‘best mate’, even though my Fiance never said such a thing nor does he have any ‘best mates’ until I came along. To my Fiance, he only has many good friends but doesn’t consider any of them to be a ‘best mate’. So Fiance wants to avoid any stress especially on our wedding day. C has always been problematic on several occasions by overstepping boundaries even in Fiance and I’s relationship and he’s always thinks he gets privileges or special access to Fiance or Fiance and I’s relationship because he is apparently FI’s ‘best mate’. C is definitely expecting himself to be chosen as not only one of the groomsmen, but the best man.
Also, a pro to not having bridemaids and groomsmen is that we get to save some money as well.
How do we tell my friends and his friends that we’re not having any bridesmaids and groomsmen?
Save the Dates – My culture doesn’t do this either, it’s odd to me. We usually just send invites and thats it. I view it as an unnecessary expense and thing to do. Thankfully, Fiance agrees with me. Okay to leave this behind? There’s no need to inform people we won’t give out Save the Dates right?
Thank you cards – Same thing as the Save the Dates. Is it a must?
Bridal shower – What is this, and who hosts this? Me the bride? I’ve only heard of baby showers.
Hens night aka Bachellorette party – As I said, if I chose bridesmaids, they are all in separate countries, won’t be together? Is it okay to say I don’t want this? I know I don’t host this but still.
Wedding favours/door gifts – What? Why?