(Closed) Wedding stuff I need help with. Especially AU brides

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
9184 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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sema4dogz:  It is the country code for Malaysia.

Post # 17
488 posts
Helper bee

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HoneyV:  I haven’t had my own wedding, but have been to a lot of weddings for friends/family, most in their 20s, and they have all been different!  I’m in Australia too ๐Ÿ™‚

Gifts – Just about every wedding I have been to has requested no gifts as they have already lived together and have everything they need.  In these cases, there has been a note on the invitation saying that there will be a “wishing well”.  Not even saying “we would like money”, just saying there will be a wishing well and a little note like mentioned above and people will know that they can give money if they want to.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen – This is just a personal one.  I don’t want to have bridesmaids, for similar reasons as your Fiance.  Some expect it and would make my time stressful, others aren’t as close as they used to be,  etc.  My plan is to have none (or maybe one friend as a ‘witness’ for signing papers if I have to), and then at the ceremony acknowledge all my friends and say that they are all special to me and it would be impossible to choose only a few to stand beside me.  Or something like that.

Save the Dates – You mentioned an invite sent out 2-3 months before.  Save the dates are good if you have people that will be travelling to come to your wedding.  It gives them a physical reminder that they need to plan time off work, accommodation, travel etc.  If you don’t want to send this out formally, it is still a good idea to give people a lot of notice if they need to travel.

Thank you cards – It is really the polite thing to do.  You’re right, I don’t think people keep them.  But as mentioned, here the bride and groom leave early and everyone farewells them first.  They would open their cards and gifts later.  So you wouldn’t have a chance to thank people personally for their gift.  Imagine if someone gives you a generous gift and they never got a “thank you”.  I believe that the guests like to know that their gift (and attending) is appreciated.  Especially if you have some more older or traditional people there they would be quite offended.

Bridal shower – I have never seen this.  One friend had something similar, but it seems to be another reason to get presents!

Hens night aka Bachellorette party – It is fine not to have one.  If everyone insists that you need to do something before the wedding, you could suggest a nice lunch somewhere the day before?  One of my friends plans to do this, a get-together with all the ladies the day before.  I am supposed to be organising this, and I am not one of her bridesmaids just a good friend.  She is actually having her brothers and a close male friend as her “bridesmaids”!!!

Wedding favours/door gifts – Usually just a little thing on the table.  Not necessary, just cute.  Some examples – cute cookie cutters, jar of lollies with nice ribbon, mini salt/pepper shakers, plastic frame to put a photo from the reception.  If it’s not something you would do, then personally I don’t think people will notice or mind if there isn’t one.

Re guests at the reception and the ceremony.  There was one wedding I went to where the couple was married at a park and invited lots of people to the ceremony, but the reception was only for close friends/family.  I think it was ok.  I would actually consider the same thing for mine.  Of course it is difficult when you have to tell some people that they aren’t included in the reception.  But most people would understand I think, there will always be the few people that complain or get offended, but maybe that is why they aren’t on the list if they make it about them? ๐Ÿ™‚


I think in the end, over here weddings seem to be less and less traditional.  There are certain formalities with the ceremony, but after that there are really no rules so do what works for you ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
1341 posts
Bumble bee

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HoneyV:  I actually don’t mind the poem, def don’t get offended by it. In the end its giving you the same info ๐Ÿ™‚

yes, definitely if invited to the wedding,85/ the the entire day. I’ve never heard of someone being invited to one not the other. Personally if that happened to me, I’d be offended and my thoughts would be ‘so you want me there but not enough to spend money to have me celebrate with you at the reception’. But in saying that, if it’s culturally acceptable for you, that’s what you should focus on ๐Ÿ™‚

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