(Closed) Wedding Tact

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
853 posts
Busy bee

I’m curious to know what the heck all that moola was spent on! Lots of etiquette faux pas for sure!

Post # 5
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If it’s common practice, I don’t see what the problem is? I know it may not be what we’re use to or would like but that’s about it. I’m also confused… I thought you said you both were invited to the reception but not the ceremony? How come later you said you weren’t invited at all?

I also don’t understand if there was room, why wasn’t food available for you guys (or at least your fiancé)? I’m still confused on who was actually invited, lol.

As for the price of the wedding, perhaps things cost differently there? I don’t know just offering up potential explanations. In the U.S. I’ve heard of people doing a cash bar and having a small ceremony with more guests joining for the reception.  

Post # 7
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

They only invite certain people to portions of a wedding in France as well.

Post # 8
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SupermarketGirl:  What in the world? I just learned something new. To have the meal before the reception… is uh… well… interesting. I have even more questions now about this wedding. Haha! I think if I were in the situation the only part I’d be offended about would be the food.

Post # 9
Member
32 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Just thought I’d say as a British bee that it is pretty common to invite additional guests to just the evening part of the reception and what you are describing really isn’t an etiquette faux pas over here. I think in general British weddings tend to be quite a bit smaller than American ones and venue capacities can be quite a bit smaller too, not just for the wedding breakfast (the sit down main meal) but for the ceremony too. For example I have an ‘ideal’ guest list of 130 and lots of venues in my area simply wont fit this number in. If you have a big family its pretty tough to get all your friends along for the whole day and the ‘evening guest list’ is a way to include them. Usually venues increase capacity in the evening by moving tables etc to make it more of a ‘stand up’ event. There is often more food than just cheese served in the evening though, a hot buffet or hog roast or something so I would say you possibly have reason to complain there. Although that partly depends on what time the wedding breakfast was served.

As far as the cash bar is concerned every wedding I have ever been to had a cash bar in the evening. The ‘free’ drinks are usually served pre- and during the wedding breakfast. After that it’s up to you. There is one exception where the wine was free all night but any other kind of drink had to be paid for. Are you saying drinks are usually free all night at an American wedding?

I think ultimately your disappointment at this wedding comes down to a difference of expectations. I’m not trying to lecture you just hoping to provide a bit of British insight!

Post # 10
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Askja:  So is the wedding an all-day affair? That would make more sense to me about the dinner being served before the reception? That’s why I had more questions but I’d be here for a while asking, haha! I’m from the U.S so I’m not familiar with the custom.

ETA. In America it depends about the alcohol… some have cash bar, some won’t the whole night, and some have a limited amount of time where the alcohol is free, some won’t serve alcohol at all. Then once you get into the types of alcohol you have a million other options to do. Signature drinks are free, but the rest isn’t, only top shelf will be paid for by guests but all others will be free and the list goes on and on. Too many options in America if you ask me.   

Post # 12
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SupermarketGirl:& @jules28:  I think you need to stop judging another cultures norms by your cultures norms. Weddings are held differently all over the world so if the couple were doing things that are considered normal in their culture then you need to respect that.

As  @Askja:  said this sounds like a pretty normal British wedding and definately adds up to everyone I have been to in the UK. Same as the women tend to wear hats to UK weddings! Or the fact that in Australia it is deemed ok to include a registry insert in your invitation. Or in Egypt weddings/receptions tend to be held later at night (like after 10pm) due to the heat. Or that in some Islamic cultures the bride does not meet the groom until the wedding.

Post # 14
Member
8359 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@SupermarketGirl:  I beg to disagree- there are a lot of cultures, religions and countries where inviting only one part of a couple and or inviting them to different events is considered ok.

In some cultures/countries/religions the wedding ceremonies are conducted seperately for the bride and groom- only women present with the bride/men with the groom. As I said you need to stop judging this by your cultural norms.

 

Post # 15
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My ex was Scottish, and we went to an English wedding together a few years ago. I, too, was utterly shocked by the two things you mentioned. It just felt “wrong”.

But while I was at the wedding I was talking to a few of my ex’s friends who had recently gone to a wedding in Michigan with an open bar.  Apparently, they ordered so many shots at once, the venue had to close down the open bar and put a limit on how many drinks could be ordered at once.

My fiancé is English and our ex-pat community here in Spain is largely American and British. I hate to pull out worn out stereotypes, but I think the cash bar is used in England to tone down the drinking.

Our wedding will feature an open bar until nearly 5 a.m. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about some of our out-of-town guests over doing it, especially since Spain is notorious for very generous “pours”. Fortunately, we are providing lots of food, hangover kits and buses to get everyone back to their hotels safely.

My fiance approved this message. 😛

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