Post # 1
I’m looking for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years…we’re getting married, but do not know when yet. We originally were going to get engaged maybe around 6 months ago…But things got in the way, etc. I know he’s been working really hard to find a ring in the last year and so our agreement was that we would get married in 2012 but just to leave the engagement up to him..meaning I don’t bother him whatsoever..And I don’t.
I don’t care about having the ring or the label, but I just found out new that makes me feel like like is a rushed situation. My brother, who lives out of the country and doesn’t visit often, is visiting this June. So now I’m thinking….I’m not getting married without my brother so why not get married in June! He lives too far away to visit often so although I’m sure he would try to do anything to be there for my wedding at a later date, I don’t think he would fly back home at the end of 2012 for example… when he’s home for a few weeks in June.
I never wanted my SO to feel pressured but I wanted to bring this up to him since it’s time sensitive. I was planning to that this week, but today I accidently saw an email subject line from a jeweler…I have a hunch that the ring planning is back in the works, meaning a proposal maybe in a couple months. I still feel like I can’t wait for that though, because then it’s almost June. But if I bring up the wedding talk, he will probably say let’s just talk about it when we get engaged/don’t worry etc. (since he’s planning it).
Long and maybe confusing, I know, but any advice? Thanks!
Post # 3
If you have already discussed getting married in the next year, and are just waiting for the formalities of an official proposal, ring, etc, then I would be honest and talk with him. Tell him that you don’t need the ring to be “engaged”, and if the perfect ring is ready a few months into your engagement, then that is not a problem. Your wedding day should be a special event with the people you love present. If he feels he is “ready” for a December wedding, he should be ready for a June wedding! I would sit him down and talk about a June wedding and why it is important to you and how much time you will need to prepare for that date. Then see what he says! Good luck – sounds like amazing things are going to happen for you in 2012 one way or another!
Post # 4
Even though the two of you had a deal not to discuss the engagement, I think it’s fair to bring up the topic in the context of your brother’s travels, especially if there’s a chance that he wouldn’t be able to make it to your wedding should it be scheduled later in the year. You could tell your SO that you don’t want him to feel pressured, but that you want to run the idea of the June wedding by him for his input; you had already discussed a 2012 wedding, and your brother’s visit over the summer would be an ideal time. Otherwise, the wedding may be pushed back because you really want your brother to be able to attend.
I don’t think you should let the jeweler’s email stop you from talking to your SO about this. Even though he may be researching rings, he may not yet have set a date for a proposal. This board is full of stories of guys buying rings and sitting on them for months, driving their girlfriends crazy!
Post # 5
I feel like maybe you could still have the best of both worlds… What if you talked to your SO about having the wedding in June/starting to plan for it? But then, you could leave the official engagement up to him, so he would still be able to surprise you with a proposal/ring. That is, if you’re ok looking at venues, etc. without actually being engaged 🙂
I agree with pp– sounds like an exciting year ahead!
Post # 6
Yep, I agree with PPs. Talk to your SO and see if will give you the go-ahead to start planning a June wedding. Then he can make it official when he is ready but the two of you can plan behind closed doors so it won’t be such a strain to plan it all in a few months (not that anything is impossible with bees to support and help you).
Post # 7
Totally on board with the advice above.
I’m actually going through a similar situation. International family needed a year heads up in order to make it to a wedding. We started ring hunting in May 2011 and ran into road bump after road bump after road bump. We couldn’t find anything either of us liked. We couldn’t find a stone we felt was reasonable priced in the quality we wanted. It wasn’t due to a lack of trying either. So, by August 2011 we talked, decided that no matter what we wanted to get married in late 2012 and gave our family the unofficial notice. We’re now slowly planning a September 1, 2012 wedding and he still hasn’t proposed.
But it’s fine. We’ve both considered ourselves unofficially engaged for a long time now and a rind is just a technicality at this point. We’re slowly getting things together for the wedding while we wait for our custom ring to get finished and there’s no pressure for him to propose RIGHT NOW. Which is awesome. He was so considerate of my distance-challenged family because we’re actively planning while we wait for the official engagement, I don’t have to worry on a daily basis about whether or not he’ll propose in time.
Talk to him. You might be surprised and find out your guy is on board 100%. And you’ll both probably love the that the proposal pressure will literally vanish. Good luck! Let us know what he says!
Post # 8
In my opinion, if you’ve agreed to get married in 2012 and you think(know) he may be doing jewelry research, I would give it a little more time before saying anything. It sounds like he may be wanting to surprise you even though you have a timeline, which is very sweet. If more time goes by and you feel like you can’t wait to find out if June is an option, then I would not necessarily have a discussion with him about it, but maybe say something along the lines of, “You know I was thinking that since my brother will be here in June of this year and we rarely see him, maybe we should get married in June. I don’t mean to ruin the fun, but I do want to start planning if that sounds like a good idea to you too.” and see how he reacts.
I would try to approach it in a way that still allows him to suprise you (so not to make him give you an answer directly) but lets him know what you would like to happen. Then I guess it’s up to him to take the reigns from there.
Good luck! It sounds like things are underway!
Post # 9
When the need to be married in June—-? I am going to be the one who goes against the grain but why not just plan for a later time…?
Trust me, waiting sucks, I KNOW but life doesn’t always happen on the timeline you plan and one should be flexible to make adjustments…. do you really want to RUSH to plan for a June wedding when you could easily plan for 2013 or 2014 and get everything you want…
My then SO told me back in 2010, that 11/11/11 would be a cool date to get married and casually mentioned getting married to me. But it didn’t happen because he didn’t propose until February 2011 and I didn’t want to rush planning a wedding that WE would be paying for. So now I am waiting until December of this year and I am thankful I had the time— the budget and stress issues have been minimal because I have had plenty of time to plan, review and make decisions.
You guy is under a lot of pressure right now getting the ring- be flexible to move the date if it doens’t “work out”. In my opinion, nothing should be said to your SO because he is in the process of doing HIS thing…. don’t make more pressure on him just to fufill a June agreement…. move the date.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone! I’m so appreciate of all of your comments. I feel more comfortable now bringing up the subject in a way that allows us to have a conversation and not in a way that puts any additional pressure on the situation. I am very anxious that my brother will not be around much so I want my SO aware of my concerns so we can make a decision together. If we come up with a plan and June isn’t it, it will be okay. But, since my brother will be home in June and then not again until…an undetermined date…is the reason for my concern. So I wanted to maybe think about taking that opportunity if everything else falls into place. We want something more low-key and small anyway so I would be happy to go ahead with it if he’s on board and we can afford it. We’ll see!