Post # 1
I’m a very organized person that LOVES decorating, so when it came to my wedding I’m SO all over that business 🙂 I have/had lots of “for sure” plans. But I guess his mom envisioned being able to design the wedding more than she has been able to. Unfortunately I’ve already turned down most of her ideas because they kept pulling the wedding towards a different theme and emphasizing our least favorite flower, she even offered to pay for flowers because of it (seriously she loves LOVES the flower we dislike the most), but I’ve definitely made some major compromises as well (even including that flower in the wedding so that it can be in her corsage). But I do really appreciate her positive attitude and willingness to help, and want to have her be a part of the wedding so I’m trying to come up with tasks.
What aspects of the wedding would you give your Future Mother-In-Law to handle to occupy her? So far she’s offered to decorate the cocktail hour area, and wine bottle labels and I accepted, but it still doesn’t seem to be enough. I’ve tried to give her jobs to do that weren’t decorating oriented (find a DJ) but she just doesn’t do them, so it pretty much all has to be decor type stuff.
I fully admit there are a lot of tasks that I’ve already started that I just can’t/won’t hand over at this time.
Post # 3
I hate to break it to you, but if she is helping pay, she is allowed to have an input.
you could have her plan the rehearsal dinner/ see if you can get your bridesmaids to invovle her in your bridal shower, etc.
Post # 4
@lovelyduckie: My Mother-In-Law helped me decopage all of our vases for our centerpieces. She is a very talented painter so she painted wine glasses for my girls as well as hangers. She also baked cupcakes for our rehearsal dinner.
Post # 5
@arsing89: Parental money contribution is minimal, so their input should be minimal as well. She’s contributing $1500 and we’re paying at least $13,000. Our opinion is the one that matters the most for many reasons.
But you’re right about the rehearsal dinner and bridal shower.
Post # 6
35 years ago my Mother-In-Law did nothing. Didn’t ask. Didn’t care. Paid for the (inexpensive) rehearsal dinner and then didn’t even attend. My parents paid for everything for the wedding.
I gave my mother 1 task – find a photographer. Almost all prints had little white spots on them and had to be reprinted. I was not a control freak or Bridezilla, but sometimes you have to have control or risk something happening that you will later regret.
Fast forward to my daughter’s wedding, 2013. The Mother-In-Law is arranging and paying for the rehearsal. That’s all. Definately not what I would have chosen, but it’s up to her. Sometimes it’s just not worth the hassle, for the dollar amount they’re willing to contribute.
Post # 7
My partner and I are seriously trying to keep his mum and sister from interfering in our wedding plans!! We are having a destination wedding (in the same state), and have decided to keep most of our plans to our selves until now – choosing to sacrifice a formal engagement. It has been fun though, planning our wedding in secret. We are telling his mum today, so hoping all will go well…she can be scary!! I know how you feel lovelyducky!! My biggest challenge with my fiances mum is that she will want a BIG say in my dress and those of my bridesmaids…which I absolutely oppose because our fashion ideals are veeeeeeeery different and she will not hold back in telling me that she doesn’t like whatever it is that I want. Plus we are paying for it all, so I do not see why she should have an opinion.
On the other hand, I too am trying to find ways to incorperate our mothers into our wedding. I am very close with mine, but I have my step-dad walking me down the aisle, my sister is my maid of honour, and my other sister is taking care of the music. Mum desperately doesn’t want to make a speech. I have suggested to my fiance that it would be nice if he can dance with his mum during the father-daughter dance. I don’t think that my mum is too fussed about being too involved – she is going through everything with me, which is nice – but it bothers me that I don’t have a formal role for her.
I think that what you are suggesting is plenty of contribution on behalf of your Mother in Law…remember it is your day, not hers.