(Closed) Wedding thank you dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Send them now. Just pick up some generic thank you’s at the store. People will want to know their gifts have arrived, and it will be much easier for you if you stay on top of them as they come in rather than wait until after the wedding.

I suggest keeping a spreadsheet of what you get from whom and what date the thank you was sent.

Said as someone who is 12 days out from her wedding and has already sent 45 thank you notes (per my spreadsheet)!

Post # 4
Member
1356 posts
Bumble bee

You should wait until after the wedding. Theoretically, you’re not supposed to open the gifts until then, so they shouldn’t expect a thank you before that.

If it was more than a few months before, maybe it’d be different, but you only have 2 months to go, so don’t worry about it yet.

Post # 5
Member
12247 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I’m with PP– pick up some generic blank cards at the store and start sending them out now!

Post # 7
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@NAvery:  +1

It’s not a catastrophe to wait until after the wedding, but plain old generic cards with a heartfelt message are just as appreciated as anything you’ll order, and that way you can get started on it right away.

Post # 8
Member
2082 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LaTortuga:  Some of our gifts came in shortly after the invites were sent out, as well. I just purchased some nice thank you cards from Target and sent them out as they arrived. As far as what we received a couple days before the wedding or on our wedding day, those cards will be sent out within the next couple of days. I think it is customary to send thank you cards within 2 weeks of receiving gifts.

Post # 9
Member
3230 posts
Sugar bee

I was advised to send thank you notes immediately because you will become overwhelmed by gifts and thank you cards to write. It is better for you to just get them out of the way so no one falls through the cracks. Why don’t you order them asap and then start writing them before the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
1010 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@LaTortuga:  Etiquette-wise, I’ve always been told that gifts that arrive prior to the wedding should have thank you’s mailed out within two weeks of receiving the gift. Wedding gifts given after the wedding can be mailed out within I believe was one month.

There is nothing wrong with sending ‘cheap’ thank you notes, even Walmart has some nice designs, or you can create your own from Vistaprint.com. 🙂

Post # 11
Member
858 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Send them now.  You’ll be thankful that you finished it before the wedding than having to do them all after the wedding.  Plus some people get upset easily when t comes to getting thank you cards so it’s best to just avoid the issue all together.

Post # 12
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@LaTortuga:  Okay, so order the ones you want to send and send them in two weeks… give people a call in the mean time and thank them so they know your gift arrived.

It’s strange you don’t like “generic” ones – as long as the note is personalized, I don’t get what the problem is with one that has a pretty “thank you” design on the front?

But get them out. I HATE it when I send a gift and have no idea if the recipient received it.

Post # 13
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I personally think you could wait until after the wedding to send a thank you, but that’s because I just assumed people wouldn’t be openeing wedding gifts until after their wedding.

@NAvery:  So, if you received a gift, but you didn’t open it, and as such have no idea what it is, do you still send a thank you? My fiance and I agreed we wouldn’t open any wedding gifts until the day after the wedding, so we won’t know what to thank people for until then. At that, unless their name is on a return label, we also won’t know who it’s from until then anyway.

I’m just curious… we haven’t received anything yet, but how would that work if we did?

Post # 14
Member
2295 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Mulan05:  I wouldn’t wait 2+ months to open a gift because I wouldn’t want the sender to be wondering that long if I had received it in the mail. So I can’t really answer your question. I would encourage you to at least open the packaging – there is usually a packing slip or a gift message that says who it is from. Then you can call/facebook/text/email them and say “Wanted to let you know it arrived, we’re saving all the gifts until after the wedding.”

I still think it’s a pretty bad idea though – we’ve had a few things arrive broken in the mail, and the sooner you get with the company, the easier it is to get it replaced (some people have sent things from stores we weren’t registered at, so it isn’t like they will let us return it indefinitely). The other thing is that I’ve really had to update my registry (add or remove things) based on what I have received. I’ve been surprised how much attention I’ve had to give the registry throughout the last 6 weeks.

Post # 15
Member
633 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I’m not certain that I have ever received a thank you note before the wedding, even when the shower was months before.

I also don’t sit by the mailbox and wait on one either…but I’m one of those freaks that doesn’t care if I get one or not…b/c it just goes in the trash,or sits around cluttering things up until I don’t feel guilty about tossing it!

Post # 16
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@arathella:  Actually, you do open the gifts, you just do not use them so that they can be returned to the sender in an unused condition should the wedding not take place. You have to open the gift however to ensure that the item is not broken so that if it is broken or needs to be returned it can be sent back within the store’s return time limit.

@Sweet_Tea:  +1

You can get some really nice thank you cards at Michael’s, or Hallmark/other card stores or even the dollar store. And a heartfelt note in a ‘generic’ card is never wrong.

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